The Psycho Ex Wife

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Following-up the 4/28/2009 Job Loss & Child Support Modification Update - the conference was completed and I made a beeline for the van.  There was more work to do.  With only 2-weeks until the hearing, I had to act quickly and since I didn’t have the children or DW with me, I had the time to do it.  Nice day.  No interruptions.  Might as well run all over town while I could.

I’ve had my own suspicions of PEW regarding “hidden income” which I’ve mentioned previously.  Psycho-SIL has been living with PEW and the children for quite a while now.  Over a year.  I’m doubting highly that she has been living there for free.  It’s also the reason I believe she didn’t press the child support issue sooner, despite an ongoing pattern of threats.  You see, even at an assumed “family-discount” rent rate, added to her regular job’s net income, the amount of child support I have been paying is about right in-line with what I would have been paying all along - given that I would have (again) made an issue of it and it would have come out in court.  So, all of her parroting about “giving me a break” on the child support, aside from being false for previously mentioned reasons, is also a farce for this one.

Back in 2005 when I raised the issue of Psycho-SIL moving in with PEW for serious reasons related to her untreated bi-polar disorder and child support calculations, PEW had her “move-out.”   Of course, after the custody order and child support order were calculated and set in stone, Psycho-SIL promptly moved right back in.  Looky there!  PEW working the system for her own financial benefit again!

Well, aside from the fact that Lacey, the support master, didn’t ask PEW about any additional income, I chose not to bring this issue up, either.  Save it for the hearing.

Which brings me to errand #1.  I drove home, took care of a few loose ends, and promptly returned to the court building with a couple of hours.  I downloaded a subpoena to “produce documents and things.”  Filed it with the court and got it signed, stamped with the official court seal, and was off to do errand #2.  What do I want PEW to produce?  Her last 12-months of bank records, receipts, cancelled checks, and any other documents that demonstrate how much Psycho-SIL is paying for rent at PEW’s home.

Which brings me to errand #2.  This one would be a little more difficult.   Serving PEW with the subpoena.  This is something I do NOT recommend others do.  In the past, I’ve always gotten someone else to do the service.   This time, I didn’t have the time to put something together and I didn’t want to wait a week to do so.  My out?  She requested a copy of my tax return for 2008.  I told her that I would not provide her with anything that she didn’t first provide me with from her side.  She promptly emailed me a copy of hers.  So, in keeping with my promise to her, I called her up, told her I had some errands to run and was it okay for me to swing by her workplace to hand-deliver it.  I could meet her out front.  Her first reply was, “Well, uh, you’re not going to gun me down in the parking lot or anything like that are you?” Gee, that never gets old.  I laughed at her and said, “Absolutely not.  I don’t have a fax machine and I have to pass by your workplace on the way to other errands anyway.” She agreed to meet.

So, I folded the subpoena in with the copy of the tax return, wrote her name on the envelope, and drove the few minutes to her office where she was waiting outside.  She approached my open window and I handed her the envelope with the obligatory, “Here’s the copy of the tax return you requested.  Oh.  And you’ve been served.” With that, I drove off.

Which brings me to errand #3.  Off I drove to the courthouse in the neighboring county to pull up on the computer and print out some records regarding PEW’s foreclosure.  She was able to avoid losing the home back in October, though we’re unclear how.  I’m also not sure what help these documents will provide, except that if she should choose to lie under oath about it, she’ll have some explaining to do as to why she had her sister living with her all that time, contributing nothing financially to the household, while she failed to pay her mortgage for many months.  Looking through the foreclosure documents, however, one thing does stand out.  They were served on her sister, at the PEW’s home address, signed, sealed, and delivered.  One of the documents in the packet was the evidence of service by the Sheriff’s Department.

From there, I drove home to DW.

When I arrived home, the only “backlash” I got was this email from PEW:

LM,

This is not a complete tax return LM….and does me no good. That’s ok though, I’ll have the attorney subpoena the rest of your stuff.

~PEW

It was page 1 and page 2, absent all the other schedules.  That’s all she needs.  She’s looking for the hidden income.  She has a copy of my W-2.  If she matches it to the tax return, she’ll see that’s all I made and all I claimed.  She’s not too bright.

Next installment:  I have a consultation with my attorney.

You didn’t really think I was going to come back to the blog after the Child Support Conference and post that everything went as it I believe it should have, did you? Well, the conference was yesterday and today is the continuation from our last installment: Job Loss/Child Support Update: 4/3/2009.  An excerpt:

Long-story short, barring a change on the job front, PEW will have to pay child support to me for the time being. This assumes that neither the conference officer or subsequently the judge (if it comes to a hearing) deviates from the state statutes - always a possibility.

Or perhaps they may not even know that the hell the statutes are.  That’s how it appeared from today’s experience, but there is always a chance that I am wrong.

The conference started normally enough, with each of us entering the conference room representing our own interests.  I learned fairly soon after incredible expense that taking an attorney to sit and await being called into a conference where one party will object and schedule a hearing was a tremendous waste of money.  I wonder if it’s a coincidence that, without representation, we typically are seen within 30-minutes of our arrival?  Not so when I’ve been there with a lawyer.  When you check-in, they ask, “Do you have an attorney with you today?” Hmmm…   Another observation: Anytime PEW and I have been there with attorneys, they are called in without us and conference for a while, then we are called.  I think I’m onto something here.  Don’t you?  But, back to the topic at hand…

We go through the normal process of turning in our paystubs, W-2s, other mindless paperwork that serves no apparent useful purpose in the process.  She asks the usual questions… Are you actively seeking employment?  Do you have any other sources of income?  Any rental income? Nothing too earth-shattering.  Yes, I am actively seeking employment.  No, I don’t have any other sources of income.  PEW has her, well, “PEW face” on.  That red-faced, obstinent, indignant look of utter disgust that always precipitates a meltdown.  I’m stoic and just looking at the Support Master, who we’ll refer to as Lacey.  For the record, of the combined net income, my unemployment is approximately 45% and PEW’s 55%.

• Assumption bias #1: At no time did she ask PEW if she had any other sources of income.  At no time did she ask PEW if she had any rental income… or any of the other items that escape my mind at the moment.  Lacey only asked me.

Lacey runs the numbers through her program and out it spits the data.  She turns to us and says, “Mister-M, your child support is actually going to go up.  To $600/month.” (Rounded to make typing easier).  I look at her and say, calmly, “Lacey, how is that even possible?  She is making more money that I am at the moment and we’re in a shared custody situation - 50/50.  That simply can’t be correct.”

• Assumption bias #2 - She didn’t ask who had custody.  I could have been the primary custodial parent.  It could be a 50/50 situation.  Nope, she just plugged the data in as if I were the classic non-custodial parent in a mom-as-primary custody situation, the norm in this country.

Surprised, she exclaims, “Oh!  You guys are doing 50/50?  I didn’t know that!  Let me make some adjustments here.”

I temporarily breathe a sigh of relief, but PEW already starts to chirp, “Are you thinking that *I* am going to have pay *YOU* child support?  You’re joking, right?” I ignore her.  I know you can hear her tone and see the smug look on her face, so I’ll dispense with writing a description.

After making the appropriate adjustment, Lacey turns to us and, to my amazement, says, “Mister-M, the child support figure will go down to $100.”

This is where the mini-fireworks display starts.  No, I didn’t lose my cool.  PEW did.  A couple of times, without losing her composure, Lacey seemed to contribute in a couple of weird ways.  I light the fuse by saying calmly, “Lacey, I don’t understand.  We’re in a 50/50 custody situation, I’m currently making less money than her, and I’m not sure I understand how I should be paying anything under the circumstances.  Can you help me understand?”

PEW interrupts with a similar comment as before, “Are you expecting me to pay you child support?  No way.  That will never happen!” In addition, she started to go into one of her mindless rants, which included comments as follows, in no particular order, but still one after the other:

• Why are you doing this to us?
• You have other hidden income that I already know about and I have an attorney that is going to investigate you fully for me and do it for free!
• I’ve already faced foreclosure once and it’s not fair that I could be facing that again because you can’t keep a job.
• You should just move back to [home-state] and I’ll take care of the kids.  My house is better than your 2-room apartment anyway.  You can just pay your child support and I’ll let you see them anytime you want.
• More…

My only reply to PEW was, “None of that stuff is relevant.  Must you always go through such an embarrassing display when we have to come to events like this?” She replied in the affirmative, like a petulant child.  Lacey chimes in and the rest of the discussion goes something like this…

“Mister-M, you’re not seriously expecting that PEW is going to pay you child support, are you?  Because that’s not going to happen.”

• Assumption Bias #3: How dare a father expect a mother to pay child support!  The woman will never have to pay child support and my mere implication that a woman may actually have to pay garnered a reaction as if I had just spontaneously grown another head right there in the room.

Mister-M: “Lacey, I’m not an attorney and I’m not fully versed on the exact language of the statutes, but I’ve read them very closely and that is simply not my understanding of how things work in a 50/50 custody arrangement.  In fact, I’m pretty convinced that the statutes expressly state that under no circumstances in a 50/50 shared custody arrangement will the lower wage earner ever pay the higher wage earner child support.”

Lacey: “Mister-M, that’s not correct.  PEW will not ever pay you child support.  That’s not the way it works.  Are you expecting her to pay child support?  I mean, this figure of $100 isn’t even child support, it would just be your percentage of the childcare.

Mister-M: “Lacey, I’m expecting nothing more right now than to understand the child support guidelines and statutes for a 50/50 shared custody arrangement.  If I’m misunderstanding the language of the statutes, I would greatly appreciate you setting me straight on what the rules are in such a situation where one parent is making less money than the other.”

I will take a time-out here to share with you some of the language in our statutes so that you can see what I have studied with inconsequential sections removed:

(D) Reduced Income.

(2) Involuntary Reduction of Income. Appropriate adjustments will be made for substantial continuing involuntary decreases in income, including but not limited to the example 1, example 2, lay-off, termination, job elimination or other employment situation over which the party has no control.

That covers the situation I am currently in with regard to the involuntary job loss. However, there is more…

(more…)

Repost: Due to a scheduling conflict, namely the Scouts camping trip with the children this weekend, I was unable to fulfill some of the commitments I made for Parental Alienation Awareness Day 2009 - April 25th, 2009. Still, I move forward my original alert from March 30th as an after-the-fact “Plan B.”

From a reader, HG:

Hello,

I am a reader of your blog, and I was hoping I could enlist your assistance for my cause. I am going to be petitioning the Governor of my state, Virginia, to proclaim April 25th Parental Alienation Awareness Day, and I have started a petition in support of the proclamation. I am trying to get as many signatures as possible, especially Virginians - but I am having a really hard time. (Which, I guess, is why awareness is so important!)

Read more of the March 30th, 2009 post by clicking here.

Popping into the infrequently used “civility” blog post category comes this rare moment of cooperation that is devoid of any craziness.  As promised, when they occur, I will post them!  Stamp me surprised as civility is usually the furthest thing from PEW’s mind when a court date (conference) is right around the corner.

This weekend is a Boy Scouts camping activity for the children.  It had actaully slipped my mind until I checked the schedule earlier this week, but not before the boys had arrived for their week with me.  One of the things that PEW and I do not have our own respective collection of - is camping gear… at least not completely.  While I did have 3 sleeping bags, one of them is, well, pretty much shot.  That’s to be expected of a sleeping bag that, I kid you not, is at least 30-years old.  That left me with 2 adult sized ones.  I know that PEW has purchased sleeping bags for the boys a few years back and we have exchanged them when needed for prior camping excusions.  Still, with the forthcoming support conference, I had to prepare for the usual level of irrelevant topics that would venture far from, “can you send me S2’s sleeping bag?”

PEW,

If possible, can you bring to work (I can meet you at lunchtime or some time convenient for you):

• S2’s sleeping bag.
• S2’s pocketknife… he tells me it’s in “the big brown thing in the computer room… bottom row of drawers, farthest to the left.”
• S2’s hiking boots.  Up in the bedroom, in the closet, with the leaves on them.  The ones I have for him are too small by a size or too large by a size.
• S1 seems to think you may have foam pads that would serve as a bag-pad in the lean-tos.  If you do have them, can we get those from you?

Thank you.

~LM

Mister-M, master of the bullet-points.

LM,

The hiking boots I have are a size 1-1/2 for S2. They are from last year. I don’t think they will fit because I think he’s in a size 3 now. I’ll put them in the bag anyway and he can try them on. If not you could probably pick up a pair at Kmart for like $15 I think that’s how much this pair was.

actually…what size shoe did you just buy him. I can run into [the store] because I got a $20 gift card for spending $100….I can see if they have any clearance left over. It’s my late day I don’t have to be in work until 10:30

~PEW

Really? PEW spending? Fair enough. If neither of us had a pair that fit, I figured I’d have to do that anyway.

PEW,

3-1/2 on the sneakers… very slightly oversized. He tried on the 4-1/2 hikers I have here, but he was swimming far too much in them for a hike… I think he’ll blister.

I’d go no higher than a 4, and a 3-1/2 will probably be perfect.

On a separate note… AFTERCARE… make sure you’re not getting charged for time they’re not there. Spring Break Week (before Easter) - we didn’t use any aftercare. This week, same thing. I intend to do that to keep costs down until I get a job and will continue to call [Manager] (as I’ve done) to let her know each one of my weeks.

I’ve been picking them up at regular dismissal time.

~LM

Good dialogue. Spirit of cooperation. Focus on the children having the best, most comfortable time… saving us some money on aftercare…

A couple of quick phone calls were exchanged.  Long story shortened, she popped into the store, picked up a new pair of hiking shoes for S2, and did so without any martyrdom about how she pays for everything and does everything in the history of ever for everyone who has ever walked the planet since it came to exist because she is just that wonderful hysteria!

She brought all of the items (she could find) with her to work today and the children have early dismissal.  So, continuing to give as good as I get, I will pick the boys up first and then swing by to pick up the extra camping gear so she can see them and wish them well for the forthcoming weekend.  Her workplace is between our home and their school.

What a wonderful experience.  Too bad we’ll be right back into the pits after Monday next week.  Stay tuned…

Though this is a continuation of the mindless discussions about everything, it came on the heels of me asking pertinent questions about her “friend” with whom she wanted to place S2 for babysitting to the tune of $160 for 3 half days.  Some of it is funny, some not so funny.

I asked basic questions about if she was a certified sitter, if she had first-aid and CPR training, insurance, basic stuff one might ask about someone or some agency that would be caring for the kid(s).  Outside of family and mutual friends, these are questions I would have and have previously asked.  She interpreted my questions as wanting to fight.  She obviously didn’t get that my asking those questions at the time were indicative of me at least giving it some consideration, even as she had already indicated that she was going to put him with the facility we had researched.

PEW:

I interpret your questions as fighting because you don’t give a rfvtc shit about who watches the kids any other time than when I ask you to pitch in for it. You didn’t ask me who was going to be watching the kids when you TOOK OFF to [home state] with two weeks notice. I just assumed you didn’t care who watched them. Now all the sudden I want you to share the cost of day care and you have questions.

You are so transparent.

If anyone reading knows what “rfvtc” means, please clue me in on the secret. Thanks.

LM:

And you are so delusional.

Here’s reality:

• I have always cared about who watches the kids.
• I was the one who not only made arrangements to register S2 for [The Learning Center] last Summer… but also registered S1 for full-time aftercare at [elementary school] in the Fall… the last time you told me that you were going to go full-time day shift.
• I have always been happy to pay my fair share of child care. This has nothing to do with paying anyone and everything to do with making sure I am completely informed about the person who is watching them. NOT CARING would be indicative of someone who didn’t want to be informed. I do. However, you made the decision easy. I’d rather they be going to a certified, licensed, bonded, insured daycare facility and am all too happy to pay my share.

You only interpret is as fighting because that is the whole of your existence… to fight. You keep telling yourself the stories that allow you to perhaps sleep well at night. I’ll bet you are getting such a CHARGE out of me responding to your mindless rantings again, aren’t you? I can almost see you high-fiving yourself in the mirror.

PEW: No here’s reality: I had to divorce you because you are insane. (Do you want the details? I have details)

LM: False.

PEW: You quickly hitched up to your next gravy train.

LM: This implies you were a gravy train. What the hell did you ever bring to the marriage except the ability to make debt appear faster than I could pay it down?

PEW: You introduced your new girlfriend to the kids way before it was appropriate.

LM: According to you and your “side” and counselors with whom you work. For as many as you can “produce” to support you, I promise you, I can put up plenty to support mine. But again, that is not your concern, you want to fight! That’s all you ever want to do!

PEW: You moved to another state 400 miles away, not caring what the impact would be on the children.

LM: False.

PEW: You put the dog to sleep because he was impeding your ability to make trips to [home state] to see your girlfriend.

LM: False.

PEW: You never asked me who would be caring for the kids until I asked you to help me pay for it.

LM: False. Again, I made arrangements as long ago as last Summer for childcare for BOTH boys and arrangements to pay for same. Stop lying to yourself.

PEW: All true…..you are delusional…..and there is also something seriously wrong with you. I’m not ever rolling over for you again.

LM: False.

A PEW’s ability to spin anything into something diabolical, an attack, something underhanded, something with an ulterior motive… is quite frankly, as exasperating as it is bizarre. Of course, you probably already know that, don’t you?

What I always find interesting is that I think about if she were to have a blog that talked about me as she interpreted the entirety of the relationship.  I imagine that I would rank somewhere up in the top 10% of the most diabolical men on earth, what with all the child abuse, spousal abuse, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, homosexuality, beastiality, animal abuser… [insert false accusation here].  I can also still remember quite vividly her telling DW that I couldn’t hide all of these issues from her for long.  After all, she suffered in this “horribly abusive relationship” for 10+ years.

Back then, DW told her something to the effect:  ‘I’ve been with him for a year and I haven’t seen one single instance of any accusation you have ever made against him and Lord knows, there are many.’

I’m happy to say that we’re in our 5th year together, and they still haven’t manifested themselves with DW or her children (or mine).  So, that leaves the following possible explanations:

1. I’m hiding it really, really, really well and DW is in for a hellstorm of abuse from me at any time now.
2. DW already is suffering at my hands and is just covering up for me.
3. I’ve changed dramatically and completely since systematically abusing PEW.
4. She’s fucking crazy and none of the shit she accuses me of is reality to anyone except her.

I pick #4.