Continuing through 2005, we move from January to February. At the time, we finally agreed to counseling for the boys, then 6 and 3. I was initially resistant due to my belief that PEW would find a way to use it to further her false accusations and get someone else on “her side.” Yes, very paranoid of me. Hardly unexpected (if I do say so myself) given the shock to my system from the first custody evaluation. Counseling was helpful at that time and it was my hope to use it to help with the transition, given the decision to take a new job and move nearly 4-hours away as discussed in the “Decisions, Decisions” post.
While I continue to strive to be better and keeping the communication with PEW to a minimum and only when necessary, I still need a “vent” outlet. So my family, for the time being, is stuck with my desire to gather my thoughts for possible future use.
Below is an email she sent to her attorney in response to my initial objections regarding counseling for the children. It’s a “cut & paste” from a post-email vent I had with my family, which essentially gives my thoughts on her crazy email to her attorney (#1) and for some reason, copied me.
The Preface:
The following “carroted” parts are an email that PEW sent to her attorney, I’m guessing in reply to my refusal to sign a consent for S1 to go to counseling (without certain conditions being met) as I don’t believe that S1 is in need of counseling, I believe PEW is in need of some brushing up on her parenting skills, particularly in the discipline and consistency arena. My replies are ONLY to you and me, in case I need them for court or to articulate them to [my attorney] when we discuss the matter further.
My main concern… again, her agitation, embellishments, and flat-out lies are getting more frequent and more outlandish… why she copied me on this ridiculousness, I’ll never know…
To: PEW Attorney1
Over the weekend I received a copy of the letter from [LM's attorney's] office, dated Jan.21st 2005.
The letter states: “PEW had indicated approximately two years ago that she felt young S1needed counseling for some reason. LM did not see the need for this; however, he went along with her wishes. Young S1 was seen by a therapiest who confirmed that the young man did not need any counseling. The therapist did give PEW some suggestions to help her with the child. Again, LM does not feel that his son needs counseling and believes the problem lies with PEW.”
True… this is pretty much what I told my attorney to write back.
It is important to respond to this because this information is not accurate. After the birth of my son S2, S1 had a very difficult time adjusting to having a new brother. He hit S2 in the head the day after we brought him home from the hospital. I could not leave him alone with the baby at all.
Case and point… she would leave a 2-1/2 year old alone with an infant. Let it be known that S1 didn’t exhibit these alleged behaviors when I was home. At least, nothing beyond what could reasonably be expected from a 2-1/2 year old with a new brother in the house. Curiosity mostly.
One week after we brought him home S1 dumped him out of his bouncy seat. At that time I asked LM if I could take S1 to see a counselor to help me, help him with the transition. LM refused. It wasn’t until S2 was almost a year old that LM allowed me to take him to see a counselor.
I don’t recall it being a year, but that points is immaterial. My concern is in the day of “every child has ADD or ADHD” - I was worried about a quick diagnosis and medication for the toddler. Shortly after first refusing, I agreed to allow S1 to see a counselor with the understanding that regardless of what the counselor said, I would not agree to any medication of him.
The counselor gave me many helpful interventions for dealing with S1s aggression towards the baby.
This is what I find somewhat humorous. She’s taking exception to what I wrote, and then supporting it with her diatribe. The counseler gave HER suggestions on how to deal with S1. Didn’t give S1 suggestions. Didn’t diagnose him with any condition. He essentially gave her ideas regarding how to be more effective disciplining S1 (given her descriptions of what was apparently going on during her watch) and informed her to be consistent with what she was suggesting. Pretty much exactly what I told my attorney.
The counselor also said that if I was unsuccessful with this then she would suggest further counseling for S1. Her opinion was that S1’s personality makes it more difficult for him to deal with change. He is an intense child and very intelligent child.
As I said… the counselor found nothing “wrong” with S1. The counselor taught PEW how to deal with a child who has a new sibling in the house… again, with the understanding that the frequency and severity of claims PEW has made didn’t occur when I was present. Given the level of her embellishments and fabrications, I still suspect that her claims are probably grossly overstated.
If LM would like a more detailed report of this, he can contact [Guidance Center], where S1 was seen. With the help of this counselor I was able to deal with S1’s aggression towards his baby brother and now he plays very nicely with S2 and we have very little problems with physical aggesssion.
Again, she supports precisely what I told my attorney. The counselor gave her information on how to parent S1. With the counselor’s help “I was able to deal with S1s aggression…” - she clearly is indicating that she was unable to deal with it. I believe that’s my contention then, and it remains my contention now.
Further, her last sentence contradicts the reasons she is giving for wanting him to see a counselor now.
Again, we are making a very difficult transition as a family and it is indicated by S1’s behavior that he is having difficulty.
I reiterate… he is not having difficulty when he is in my custody. Plus, in the same email, she says he is doing “very nicely” with S2.
Every weekend for the past 10 weeks young S1 and LM have been reporting that S1 has been vomiting while in LM’s custody.
This is a complete fabrication. He was delivered to me with an ear infection the weekend of 1/7, which accounts for his fever and vomiting, so said the doctor. The only other time he got sick was this past Saturday night, when he had an upset stomach in the middle of the night. No fever, no other symptoms. Tossed-up something that didn’t agree with him and was fine all day Sunday and this morning. Going back to before Christmas, I don’t recall him being sick at all in December, and certainly not when he was in my custody Christmas weekend (as [Bro2] and company would attest given that were at his house Christmas Eve). Christmas Day Evening and Sunday, the boys were perfectly healthy. After the 27th, I didn’t have them again until 1/5. During that period of time, S2 suffered a ruptured ear-drum (while on her watch) on New Year’s Day (or perhaps it was the 2nd). He didn’t have an ear infection when I had them last on the 27th (not that I would dream of “blaming” her for an ear infection). The weekend of the 7th was S1’s ear infection. I had them on the 17th… they were fine. I had them the weekend of the 21st, they were fine. I had them the 27th thru this morning, and other than S1’s illness Saturday night… they were fine.
Where she comes up with “10-consecutive weekends of illness” defies explanation, and also supports my concerns that she is trying to set something up, but what I’m unsure.
He also displays alot of hostility towards me during the first day he is back with me. I want to take S1 to see someone so that they can help me….again, help him.
Again, the implication here is clear, but know this… I’m the one she calls when the boys are unruly in her custody. She called me when I was away for [cousin's] wedding because she couldn’t handle the children, but again, that’s not the first time nor will it be the last. The problem is clear, PEW’s desire to not have the children “dislike her” leads to inconsistency and a lack of discipline on her part. Then, when they get out of control for her, she wants to find a way to put the blame on me. Clearly, from the prior stint in counseling for S1 in which her contention was that HE had a problem… the counselor’s guidance was clear, PEW needed to do some things to prevent from happening, those things she said were happening.
PEWAttorney1, Please make a note of this because I think we are going to be having an issue with getting my son to counseling. Even though LM said he would consent after he saw the letter from the Doctor, he has just informed me that, first he needs to speak to the Dr. and needs to be convinced that it is necessary.
I told my attorney that when I saw a letter that explained what the DOCTOR saw and what the BASIS was for the DOCTOR’S recommendation for counseling for S1… I would CONSIDER signing a consent. The reason I informed my attorney that was my position was due to the fact that I believe that PEW is making the assessment and that the Doctor will give a child’s parent whatever letter they request.
Referring back to his attorney’s letter, included in the “for some reason” I felt Young S1 needed counseling should be the fact that a few months before S2’s birth little S1 witnessed his father choking me and then ripping the phone out of the wall, so that I could not contact the police.
Fabrication. Just a flat-out lie that continues to grow with more new details every time she tells it.
Anyway… I simply called my attorney, told him to expect to see this… and that we need to take further action. Between the allegations that I was kidnapping the children this weekend to the ongoing story-telling, I think we need to figure out how to get this crap before a judge and get her a psychiatric evaluation somehow.
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2005 would prove to be a really, really rough year. Not that any of the rest weren’t - but you’ll see the posturing, the threats, the harassment, the custodial interference, her family’s ongoing involvement, parental alienation… all come together pretty viciously over the course of the next few months in ‘05.
