Continuing now from Friday's post...
The escalation is underway due to my decision not to respond to her earlier unprovoked, mindless, antagonistic email from the 20th.
This very morning I received another email from PEW and she is raising the level of antagonism in order to prompt a reply. As tough as it is, one will not be forthcoming. There are some things in there that I'd like to address, but as with most issues - she really doesn't care and there is no explanation that would satisfy her alleged concerns. There never was.
To satisfy my compulsion to reply, I will break this down afterwards to show you what the replies to each item would be if I were still stuck in "defensive explain myself" mode.
LM,
you still haven't responded about monday? the court order says I have the "right of first refusal" you're the guy who put that clause in there....so I suggest you respond in kind.
I am so tired of the bs that has been going on....now they tell me that you said they can't bring their wrestlers over there??? what the frig are they supposed to do? they're not allowed to watch tv....no video games...no fun....they have no toys....your girl is mean to them....answer me for God's sake...do you want to be in court again? because that is what is going to happen soon and this time I am going to INSIST that Judge Contempt talk to these children. LM, I haven't liked this arrangement from day one and I've been collecting evidence of WHY it is not working..........if you want it to stay this way I suggest you consider a few things....did you look at their grades since you came.....on your weeks they do terrible on their tests!!! On my weeks they do great. You are ridiculously strict......they are BOYS...making them hold hands when they fight??? I do NOT want to hear that AGAIN. Who thought of that? That is the gayest thing I have ever heard....S1 is amost 10....for God's Sake.....what are you trying to do? I have told a dozen people about that and they all said what I was thinking and that is...it's almost child abuse making a child S1's age and maturity level hold hands??? I'm not going to let you do this LM. I've invested way too much already to just sit back and expect you to be semi-normal.....you're not. You are really weird and so is your girlfriend. I am not going to let you screw up these boys. If you can't be sort of normal then you should just go away. I have to say again what I've said all along....where are you getting your parenting tips from?? do you even have a mind of your own anymore? You need to grow some balls and tell your girl that you will raise your boys your OWN way....because frankly you're raising them like "Nancy Boys"...for God's sake LM what are you thinking??? I'm 99% certain that the only reason DW's kids are semi normal is because of POE...you need to grow some "you know whats" and parent your OWN kids because they way I see it now is that OUR kids are the "red headed step children".......and I don't like it LM. S1 is about two years away from being able to legally decide on his own....and it's not looking good for you. Do you know that? When he turns 12 he can decide on his own where he wants to be.
I want to know why they complain about DW so much? why does she never hug and kiss them and tell them she loves them?? that's not because of me LM because I would love nothing more than for her to love them??? What the hell is going on over there? does she hate your children or what?
This is an adult. A mother of two. "Nancy Boys." "Gayest." When we speak about Borderline Personality Disorder, we often speak of how their maturity became stunted early on. You can see from the way she handles situations that this is true. You can see from the language she uses, this is true.
Breaking it down...
you still haven't responded about monday? the court order says I have the "right of first refusal" you're the guy who put that clause in there....so I suggest you respond in kind.
Yes, actually, I have. You see, the "right of first refusal" clause is in place if I need to secure childcare for some reason (other than an illness or similar). The key point here is if I needed it. I don't. The ROFR clause doesn't say I have to keep re-explaining myself. The ROFR clause doesn't say I have to continue to tell her that I will be home with the children. The ROFR does say that if I needed childcare services (including if DW was going to be watching them), I have to give her the chance to provide that care.
Also - I happen to know for a fact that she has had her sister watch them without having called me first. Interesting how accusatory the guilty can be.
Bottom line - I don't have to tell her that I am doing the childcare. I only have to tell her when I'm not.
I am so tired of the bs that has been going on....now they tell me that you said they can't bring their wrestlers over there??? what the frig are they supposed to do? they're not allowed to watch tv....no video games...no fun....they have no toys....your girl is mean to them....
Last week, a number of things occurred regarding wrestling and their wrestling action figures. I've been very clear about her allowing the children to overindulge in WWE wrestling because it's adult television, not 6YO and 9YO television. It's just not.
#1 - A near fight ensued during recess where one child asked S1 to perform a dangerous wrestling maneuver on him. That's right, the kid asked S1 to perform the move on him. Strange, but true.
#2 - When playing with their action figures, they were SLAMMING them down on the tables and hardwood floors. They had repeatedly been warned against doing this. I had no problem with them doing it on the sofa cushions, chair cushions, or their beds - surfaces that don't sound like repeated gunfire when the action figures are spiked off of them and don't damage property.
#3 - Which resulted in my banning them from bringing the action figures to the house: the two boys closed the bedroom door and were doing exactly what I had told them not to do - performing wrestling moves on one another. S2 got hurt and was crying.
Now, I cannot control what goes on in her house. I cannot control her inability to discipline. I can only control what goes on in our home and I think that the boys' repeated warnings over the course of the last few months were more than enough.
As for the rest - no, we don't have video games. They get enough at her house. They have toys. They have radio controlled cars and trucks. We have games. We have loads of books. They watch enough television (just not WWE and "Cops" and that trash). They have fun.
What I think the problem is here is that they also have responsibilities. They also have consequences for their actions (both good and bad). That probably makes my home less fun for them. Too bad.
I pray that this course of discipline will not upset any readers, resulting in email explanations about how banning their WWE action figures will stifle their upbringing or otherwise upset the balance of nature.
answer me for God's sake...
I've said it before and I'll say it again - this is precisely what it's about. Her. No one else.
do you want to be in court again? because that is what is going to happen soon and this time I am going to INSIST that Judge Contempt talk to these children. LM, I haven't liked this arrangement from day one and I've been collecting evidence of WHY it is not working..........if you want it to stay this way I suggest you consider a few things....
We're well aware that it has been quite a long time (at least in our terms) since we have been to court. DW and I have discussed that we anticipate that this period of no-court should be coming to an end soon. Here come her threats again.
did you look at their grades since you came.....on your weeks they do terrible on their tests!!! On my weeks they do great.
I have no idea what she is talking about.
#1 - Almost everything I have seen has been fantastic and nothing has been poor. Both boys have been doing extremely well in school.
#2 - With exception of spelling tests, what PEW doesn't get is that most testing occurs early in the following week after schoolwork, homework, and study. Even if what she claims was factual (and it's not) - PEW, genius that she is, doesn't realize that the test results that occur in her week are based on work and study that happened the prior week.
#3 - I've gotten nothing but good reports from the teachers.
#4 - Their 2nd-marking period grades (both children) improved over their first marking period grades. 50/50 shared custody began... right at the beginning of the 2nd-marking period. PLUS physical incidents have dramatically decreased overall, and only ONE has occurred during my custody time. Why? Because there are consequences.
You are ridiculously strict......they are BOYS...making them hold hands when they fight??? I do NOT want to hear that AGAIN. Who thought of that? That is the gayest thing I have ever heard....S1 is amost 10....for God's Sake.....what are you trying to do? I have told a dozen people about that and they all said what I was thinking and that is...it's almost child abuse making a child S1's age and maturity level hold hands??? I'm not going to let you do this LM. I've invested way too much already to just sit back and expect you to be semi-normal.....you're not.
This is really too funny for words. A buddy of ours, our business attorney actually, gave me this idea. He's used it for a while and has had extremely positive results - and I actually strongly recommend this to any parent. When the kids are fighting and are not responding to warnings to cease and desist, I intervene. No beatings. No threats. No punishments. I don't take anything away. What do I do? I tell them that since they are treating each other so poorly, they need to hold hands for 5-minutes.
I've used nothing before nor since that has defused a situation as fast. It has never lasted 5-minutes. What happens is, they stop what they are doing, join hands, sometimes grudgingly, sometimes with me, and sometimes with me just sitting on the chair next to them with a big grin on my face. They look at each other. Then, they crack up laughing. Fight over. No aggravation between them or for us. All is typically forgotten.
QUICK! SOMEBODY GRAB A PHONE AND CALL CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES!!!
I'm guessing from her language that she believes this course of action will turn them homosexual or something. Here also is another flip-flop between "they are babies" and "they are mature." Whatever suits her argument at the moment is what they are.
You are really weird and so is your girlfriend. I am not going to let you screw up these boys. If you can't be sort of normal then you should just go away. I have to say again what I've said all along....where are you getting your parenting tips from?? do you even have a mind of your own anymore? You need to grow some balls and tell your girl that you will raise your boys your OWN way....because frankly you're raising them like "Nancy Boys"...for God's sake LM what are you thinking??? I'm 99% certain that the only reason DW's kids are semi normal is because of POE...you need to grow some "you know whats" and parent your OWN kids because they way I see it now is that OUR kids are the "red headed step children".......and I don't like it LM. S1 is about two years away from being able to legally decide on his own....and it's not looking good for you. Do you know that? When he turns 12 he can decide on his own where he wants to be.
This was a tough read. From where I'm sitting, it seems that she is saying that our children are not normal. She is also delusional again because:
- Other than the few times during exchanges from years ago, I can count on one hand how many times she has had any interaction with DW's children (and that was relegated to "hi" from outside of a car.)
- She has never met POE and has no idea what he is like. None. Not one shred of information.
- POE's household is run with the same rules as ours, so DW's children behave so well because they know what to expect. They have never been in trouble at school, never hit someone, and both received awards including the Principal's Award and Citizenship Award at school. According to the PEW, the fact that we have them 50% of the time should make them awful children like she perceives ours to be apparently.
- This is a quality example of her uncanny ability to try to strike deep into your soul with her vitriolic attacks. Her viciousness has never known boundaries. I don't have any balls of my own. Everything I do is based upon what DW wants. I don't know how to parent. *yawn* More threats. Surprise, surprise.
I want to know why they complain about DW so much? why does she never hug and kiss them and tell them she loves them?? that's not because of me LM because I would love nothing more than for her to love them??? What the hell is going on over there? does she hate your children or what?
DW loves the children and is very concerned for their well-being. Both of us let the others' children take the lead on hugs and kisses so as not to make anyone feel uncomfortable. DW's children are quite affectionate to me. Not all the time, but plenty. S2 is generally about the same level of affectionate with DW. S1, though, while a very affectionate person, is very rarely affectionate towards DW. It's not overt, but I think it's because he is afraid that he is somehow harming mom. If DW were to force these things on the children, we have no doubts there would be accusations of sexual or other abuse. It's another clear no-win situation. Unfortunately, given past experiences, we have to stay on the legally safe side regarding physical interactions.
Given what you read, there is clearly parental alienation going on, so it's no surprise that one or both of my children would be leery of showing too much affection towards DW (especially). DW is always congratulatory for their accomplishments. She is always available to help with anything. She is always caring whether they are healthy or suffering from some illness. She is more involved in making sure the children are enrolled in healthy activities than their own mother. Funny how PEW doesn't want DW watching the children on the day they have off from school, yet we are to believe that she only wants DW to love the children. Delusional.
What I think the above represents is her fantasy. She sees things how they wish they would be out of an intense fear that she is "not a good parent" or doing something "not as well" as perhaps I do things. In order to compensate for her own shortcomings, she has to believe that I am so much worse than her and then it manifests itself in her delusional email diatribes.
I really do want to respond to her, specifically with regard to the WWE issue again, because all of my fears about their overexposure to that show are coming to pass. The problem is, she would totally disregard that reality because allowing the boys to watch that makes her "the better parent" in her eyes, and of course, at times in their eyes, too.
What she really needs to do is stop interrogating the children when they are with her. They're only going to be inclined to give her the answers she wants to hear which then prompts her attack-emails.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Holding Hands is CHILD ABUSE!
Friday, March 21, 2008
Unprovoked, Mindless, Antagonistic Email from PEW - 3/20/2008
Given that this year is PEW's Easter, I had inquired as to how to handle the exchange this coming weekend. Options offered were:
- We exchange later than normal on Sunday night.
- If she had off from work on Monday, she could keep them until exchange time on Monday.
- We exchange in the morning before work. (The exchange location is very close to her workplace, so it's actually pretty convenient.)
She chose the last option. We both agreed in writing to it as required by the court order. This occurred last week.
Out of nowhere yesterday, this arrives in my inbox:
LM,
If your plan is to have DW watch the boys on Monday, then I'd just as soon stay home from work. I don't know what's going on with the two of you over there, but let me just tell you that you need to watch your temper. I'm not going to tolerate the kids being "terrified" by you. They are not to be told "what happens here is none of mom's business", because it IS my business, just the same as what goes on at my house is YOUR business. That's how we keep things as NORMAL as possible. If the 50/50 thing is too much for you or it's not working out, let me know and we can work out some alternative arrangement.
Get your girlfriend in check too. The two of you are NOT doing the boys any favors by living here two weeks per month if it's that much of an imposition, don't do it.
~PEW
This came to me at lunch yesterday. I have no clue what prompted it. None. No idea whatsoever. The kids had a great week. They had a fun weekend. There were no problems at all. There are certainly no problems between DW and I.
I guess it's been too long and you can see she is fishing for an engagement. This happens when you are "low-contact" with a psycho ex-wife.
*IGNORE*
It's also quite a bit of projection again. This is from the woman who:
- Told the children not to tell me that PP (the psycho SIL) continues to stay overnights and babysit them on occasion.
- Told them not to discuss the sleeping arrangements when she or her sister sleep in the same bed as the boys.
- Told them not to tell me when the crazy neighbor kid (alleged friend) next door shot one or both of them with bb-guns on several different occasions... something I predicted would happen several years ago when I discovered that these children (my boys' ages) play violent gun video games, have an arsenal of toy guns that would make the Marines jealous, act violently towards the kids and their own parents... I mean, what type of parent buys a 5 and 8 year old bb-guns for chrissakes?
Ah, my list is long and repetitive. You get the picture.
Many of my readers are in eerily similar situations. If you haven't lived it, you can hardly imagine what it is like to go through your life having little choice but to interact with a PEW (or in some readers' cases, a PEH). When you have no choice but to go to no-contact or low-contact, it's up to you. When you do make that decision, it doesn't stop the other side from attempting to contact you. You simply have to decide if it really merits a response. Most contacts, like this one, do not. They only serve to antagonize. They only serve to elicit a response, which is usually defensive. When you realize that it is not rooted in reality and will only serve to escalate the situation - you realize that no reply is necessary. This email serves no useful purpose other than satisfy her attempt to start a fight and do so for no particular reason.
It's a shame that her life has been relegated to these meaningless, purposeless attempts to interact with me. I just want her to leave us alone unless a specific situation of importance regarding the children arises. She is simply incapable of doing that. Sucks for us.
Predictably, my no-contact prompted an escalation from here. Just click for the follow-up...
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Laying the Groundwork to Destroy Another Christmas (2001)
We normally decorate for the Christmas Holiday right after Thanksgiving Day. I'll go up in the attic and drag down everything for both the interior and the exterior of the house. It is a lot. I used to risk life and limb to climb up onto the roof of the house and lay out all the lights. I won't say it was as aggressive as Clark Griswold's efforts in the Vacation movies, but it would prompt a good-natured ribbing from friends and family.
Today's episode lays out the effort of PEW who predictably begins laying the groundwork for another miserable Christmas season. What starts off as a question about a doctor's appointment quickly descends into an unholy hellraising over holiday decorating. It was 11/28/2001.
PEW: do you have vacation days left?
LM: I wish, but no.
PEW: great
LM: What's up?
PEW: well i have to make an appt for the epidural and someone will need to watch the kids
LM: When?
PEW: i don't know yet, i have to call
LM: Hey, if I need to take a day off for that, I'll take it. Only caveat is that you should make it for after next week. I have the audit next week.
PEW: whatever
LM: I'll probably be working some amount of "late" between now and then to prepare.
PEW: also, what are your plans for Saturday. between 11-3 i'll need you to occupy the kids
LM: Nothing at this point... I know you have the thingy. Yeah. Okay.
PEW: great......i can already tell this is going to be another happy holiday season
---------------
Did you catch that? Were you paying attention? Right there out of the air the shift occurs. Of course, I'll jump right in as I always have and allow the madness to escalate.
---------------
LM: ??? It's as happy as you decide to make it.
PEW: just the usual bullshit.....fantasy football, ebay, your cheapness. i fucking love it
LM: You're back into making every move I make into some sort of effort to make you miserable, and I'm not doing any such thing.
PEW: no i'm not.....i don't think you do it on purpose
LM: Fantasy football? When the heck have I done anything ff related that has interfered with anything?
PEW: yeah you do it all at work
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So, do I do it all at work or does it interfere with everything on the home front? Which is it?
---------------
LM: I send an email on Tuesday. I do moves on Thursday or Friday night. And I get automatic emails sent to me from the website for information.
PEW: yeah well, i noticed you got that movie and we never watched it
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I know it's tough, but stick with the chain of tangents. So far... doctor appointment - miserable holiday - fantasy football - eBay... and we're only seconds into the IM assault.
---------------
LM: Stop looking for more stuff to argue about.
PEW: i'm sick of being shit on all the time
LM: Stop it, PEW.
PEW: when was the last time you gave S2 a bath. or S1 for that matter
LM: It's been a while.
PEW: all I asked last night was that I could do "a little" more decorating. and you couldn't even give me that
LM: Yes, I could. Was there something that was preventing you from doing it?
PEW: no ...you had ebay to do
---------------
PEW was still at stay-at-home mom at that point. It was possible, but things were tight. I supplemented the household income by successfully selling on eBay. It was like having a part-time job without ever having to leave the house. 95% of my home efforts with eBay were done after the children were in bed, when I would stay up until midnight or 1AM several nights per week to ensure I had a steady stream of stuff going out the door. It was an absolute necessity. That would account for the lull in bath-giving. Sometimes I would get started with the work as she prepared the children for bed.
---------------
PEW: yeah...the kids needed tending to
LM: Or did you, as usual, just not do it so that you could have something else to be miserable about?
PEW: you can't pack stuff
LM: Yes, I can.
PEW: and take care of them
LM: Yes, I have in the past.
PEW: no you can't
LM: I most certainly can, and have. You just want to be miserable again, as usual. I can't help that.
PEW: yeah.......
LM: S1 has helped me pack and had fun doing it.
PEW: meanwhile.....S1 doesn't even know how to kick a ball. or catch a ball
---------------
S1 is 3-years old at this point. Not only could he catch a ball, at least as well as any 3-year old, he could kick and kick well. Not just balls.
However, this was a common belief for her. When she wasn't around, I simply stashed the children in a corner somewhere and did nothing with them. When she had a part-time evening job, she knew what I was doing and not doing telepathically, apparently. She was very creepy and her unfounded accusations knew no bounds.
PEW is one of those mothers who apparently can do NOTHING else in tandem with having children awake and around. I could. In this specific instance, I explain what the children do with me when I would have to pack items for shipment. As if she cared one way or the other.
---------------
LM: S2 has sat there and scrunched papers when I've packed. Yes, he does.
PEW: well S1 was following me all around the house
LM: S1 was not. He was sitting there watching a movie.
PEW: he was too. i'm talking about before that. lord knows he needs to watch more TV
LM: Before that - I wasn't doing Ebay stuff, and you weren't decorating.
PEW: yeah OK
LM: Ok.
PEW: i'm so sick of you
LM: Just sticking to the facts, PEW.
PEW: i'm sick of the whole ebay thing too......
LM: I know you are.
PEW: i don't know why I don't just get a fucking job
LM: But you'd have nothing to bitch about, because if we didn't have it - we wouldn't pay bills.
PEW: i know why....because you still won't help me out
LM: And you simply choose not to get a job. AND... on top of that, you wouldn't find a job where you would bring home as much as the eBay money.
---------------
This is a critical point. I was effectively working two jobs to make sure we could make ends meet and it meant absolutely nothing to her. My working two jobs to maintain her lifestyle and her ability to stay at home (her choosing) merited nothing but grief because I wasn't doing (in her eyes) enough other stuff, too. I guess she didn't anticipate that parenting a real child was a little more difficult than playing with a frigging doll. You can't put real children away because it's too much trouble.
---------------
PEW: yeah because then both of our kids would be sitting in front of the TV every night of the week while you continue to do your own thing
LM: You conveniently forget that there were simply no problems last time you were working evenings. You just imagine that there would be, and use me as an excuse. That's all. And you're wrong about that, too. I read S1 several books almost every night. And I roll around on the floor with S2. So stop inventing stuff again, PEW. Try to stick to reality.
PEW: reality is....i wake up in the morning, diaper both kids, feed both kids, dress both kids......while you take a 1/2 hr shit... sip coffee... read the paper, take a 20 minute shower... i should say, slurp coffee
LM: Reality is... I get up at 7 (or later) - the kids are typically sleeping when I am starting to get ready... and then I leave for work.
PEW: S1 is always up
LM: However, if you would like me to get up at 6, wake the kids up, feed them and dress them, by golly - I will surely do that. No, he isn't. He wasn't up this morning. He wasn't up yesterday.
---------------
Not only are the kids generally asleep, she was still asleep. As usual, PEW never let reality get in the way of a good fictional account that was in keeping with her delusions.
Everytime the children were awake when I was up and about and getting ready for work, I changed them, fixed their beds, fed S2 and got S1's breakfast ready - all while she was still in bed. She would typically get out of bed when I announced that I was leaving for work.
---------------
PEW: i was up 4x with S2. last night
LM: And the last two days, I didn't even get out of bed until almost 7:30. Reality PEW - stick to reality.
PEW: well change him then
LM: He was ASLEEP WHEN I GOT UP... both days, PEW. Reality. Stick to reality.
PEW: well change him when he gets up
LM: I was in the shower both days when he got up.
PEW: and how the hell do you sleep thru S2 4x last night
LM: Could be because I was doing listing until 12AM.
PEW: tough shit
LM: I can't help that I didn't hear him.
PEW: well you'll be hearing him from now on
LM: How the hell do you get cranky about it, when all you have EVER needed to do is nudge me and tell me it is my turn? No problem, PEW. Never has been. Next fictional issue?
PEW: well since last night S1 was in our bed....i couldn't nudge you
LM: Yes, you could have. Try again.
PEW: and i tried to wake you when S1 came in because i have excrutiating pain in my back and his bed makes it worse.... but you didn't wake up then either
LM: Then don't go in his bed. Bullshit. You can wake me up. Stop inventing stuff, PEW. If you have to bang a pot with a metal spoon - you can wake me up.
---------------
An uncanny ability to lay the blame at my feet for the oddest stuff. It's my fault she couldn't wake me up. It's the baby's fault she couldn't wake me up. She has no ability to wake me up. She just can't. I'm not kidding. From her description, I would have to have been dead.
---------------
PEW: i don't need to invent stuff
LM: You've invented a lot of stuff in this very conversation.
PEW: bullshit
LM: Like "I" was the reason you didn't decorate last night.
PEW: like what
LM: Like "all our kids do is watch TV at night."
PEW: it's true
LM: No it isn't.
PEW: well if it was up to you. this is just more AMMO for me
LM: Wrong.
PEW: no flowers at the anniversary.....
LM: Poor, poor PEW.
PEW: barely any help with the kids. that's right
LM: Isn't happy unless she is miserable.
PEW: tight wad
LM: So she invents her own misery. Yep - look at our checkbook, genius. That is why I'm a "tightwad." You see, unlike you - I care about being able to pay the bills. You don't.
PEW: you could afford flowers. cheapo
LM: Well, I afforded a watch for you instead. Sorry, you ungrateful snit. But that is your usual MO.
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Yes, the graciousness of a loving spouse. I buy her a watch that probably cost 10-times that of flowers (not that price should matter, right?) - and I'm in trouble on our Anniversary because I didn't get her flowers. Entitlement issues?
---------------
PEW: well...sell the fucking watch. you're the ungreatful one
LM: It is too much money... it isn't enough money... it wasn't on your "list"... the timing wasn't right for you...
PEW: it doesn't even fit me. i can't wear it
LM: Any excuse to make a problem out of something.
PEW: it doesn't fucking fit
LM: Any excuse. Any. Any excuse.
PEW: yeah
LM: Keep on whining.
PEW: fucking jew
LM: Grow up, PEW. You're 33 years old, not 6. Try to discuss things like an adult and not like your 3-year old son.
PEW: don't tell me to grow up..... why don't you grow up
LM: Awwww... that is such a shame.
PEW: gay rod. gay boy
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There she is again in all her glory. This is a grown, adult woman. She has two young children. She acts like a grade-schooler, consistently and without fail.
---------------
LM: lol I can't believe what a child you are when you don't get your way. Unbelievable.
PEW: what way? what is my way that I didn't get??
LM: Go back and re-read your own whining. I'm moving on to more grown up things... like work. Go whine to S1. He could probably relate to it more than I can.
PEW: I can't believe my husband is such a selfish jerk that when he stopped at 7-11....he couldn't even pick up a bunch of flowers
LM: Get over it, whiner.
PEW: cheap cheap, selfish pig
LM: Gimme the watch back and I'll go get you flowers, whiner.
PEW: take it back....i can't wear it because it doesn't fit
LM: Okay.
PEW: but I know you'll never have it sized
LM: You're right, I'll get you flowers instead. So sorry I disappointed you.
PEW: I had to have W. size the last one you gave me. you always dissappoint me
LM: I know... that's the funny thing... it matters not the cost, not the "thought" as you so grossly lie about, not about when, not about how, not about the loving thoughts that pop up when I think of something or come across something. You're just miserable.
PEW: the only thing NOT dissappointing about you is our kids
LM: No thanks to me, of course, because "you're with them 24-7," right? It's a treasure watching you go out of your way to make the holidays miserable every year. I look forward to it every year, and you don't fail to disappoint. Thanks again.
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MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!
This Christmas would be a doozy. Also, I would find out that my grandmother had died shortly after this exchange. Click here to see how that wouldn't stop her from being abusive.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Support the ACFC Shared Parenting Petition Drive
Mike McCormick, President of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children, has initiated a drive in support of shared parenting.
Your participating in this electronic petition will demonstrate support for shared parenting and family law reform for all public officials. The goal for the ACFC is to acquire as many signatures as possible in order to unveil them at the DC Rally 2008. The signatures will be printed, bound, and then presented to Congress during the rally which is to take place August 15th, 16th, and 17th at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC.
Please pass this petition along to your friends and family via email, too. Your efforts will help parents, children, and families throughout the country who suffer as a result of the demise of marriage. A rebuttal presumption of shared parenting will go a long way towards reducing the default adversarial nature of divorce by reducing or eliminating the perceived benefit of using the children as tools in an effort to maximize child support or punish the other parent. Most importantly, it will guarantee a maximum amount of parental involvement with their children when it is logistically possible and there exists no supportable evidence to cast doubt on the fitness of one parent or the other.
For regular updates on the progress of this campaign, stop by and visit Glenn Sacks' blog.
"Children thrive with the active involvement of both parents. Children and parents should be encouraged to spend substantial time with each other regardless of the parents’ present marital status. The undersigned recognize that absent issues of abuse, neglect or abandonment, social and government policy must be structured in such a way as to promote and maximize the opportunity of all parents to contribute to the social, emotional, intellectual, physical, moral and spiritual development of their children." -ACFC's new Shared Parenting Petition.
Help to try and ensure that the meaningful relationship between fathers and their children survives even if the marriage doesn't.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Don't Hang Up On ME!!! 11/14/2001
Over the years, as my own siblings' families have grown, juggling in-laws, children, holidays, birthdays becomes a management nightmare. You try to fit everyone in as best you can. You try to attend everything you can. With holidays, some people will not be satisfied with where you go, for how long, in whichever year - no matter how hard you try. Many of us deal with it. Ultimately, you just make a decision and roll with it.
My decision has always been that every other year, every other family will be visited as primary (if not sole) host of whatever holiday is happening. That would go for the "majors" - Christmas, Thankgiving, and Easter. Christmas wasn't so bad because you can always do something at the other's family on Christmas Eve or the day after. Still, especially in my family which had been spreading out and weren't always as local as PEW's, someone was going to be mad. This IMversation was a smaller part of the discussion.
The main reason for this fight was that S2, my little peanut, was 6-months old and doing my favorite thing - sleeping on my chest while I laid on the sofa. I was watching a hockey game. PEW came downstairs and commanded that I take the baby to bed and freaked out when I ignored her and didn't take him upstairs. She started raging worse. I think I told her to "shut the hell up - I'll take the baby upstairs when I'm good and ready." That's all I said during what was at least a 15-minute freak-out. As she continued to rage and the baby continued to sleep, I laid there, focused on the game, as if she wasn't even in the room. Soon, she retreated.
The next day, with her IM muscles on, the assault continued... when she called and started ranting, I hung up on her.
PEW: don't hang up on ME!
LM:: I don't have time for your rants which go off on tangents. If you want to stick to the subject at hand, I'll be too glad to talk to you...
PEW: Ok...well you fucking remember this in March asshole. March is 3 months away....and I'm keeping fucking notes
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PEW had come up with this bizarre edict that essentially was - in order for our marriage to survive, she needed 6-months of argument-free, wedded-bliss, or it was over. As you can see, we're off to a great start.
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LM:: ...but starting in on me, my family, and whatever else you want to go off on, I have no time for it.
PEW: yeah well...you better hope I don't see [your brother] on line or something
LM:: And I will now put you in my block list, because I've also grown tired of your "March" threats any time we have a disagreement.
PEW: like I need him trying to start shit between us. Well you seem to forget about it. but I don't
LM:: And I will tell you something else - you're forbidden to address anything with my brother, otherwise, it will be open season on your family every time they do something which I don't agree with.
PEW: everytime something like this happens...i remember why. i don't care if it's open season on my family. go to town. i don't care
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Oh yes she did care. It was a bone of contention for years since S1 was born. I despised the way her family treated the children. From her father tickling them until they were sick or crying... teaching them inappropriate songs... teaching the children to choke each other... the list is long. She feared my addressing these things with her family, always professing to take care of it herself. If she did, it was ineffective because no one in her family has any respect for her. The other option was that she wouldn't address it and I would be left twisting in the wind again. Never, ever did she "allow" me to address these issues when they arose with her family.
When we get to Christmas this year (2001) - you'll see why. Hang in there, it's only a month away!
This would set the tone for Thanksgiving. PEW had a knack for having a nuclear explosion just before most major holidays in time to ruin them and blame me. Usually, it was followed up by a meltdown on the day in question.
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LM:: Remember it is because you get a weed up your ass over things that don't need to have a weed up your ass about.
PEW: what worse can happen besides my sister trying to kill herself
LM:: Know this - I DON'T spend "24/7" with the kids, so when I want to hold one of them while they sleep and not take them upstairs on your command - I don't expect you to get pissed off at me for it.
PEW: Well then you should sit in the rocker in his room when he's asleep not watch a hockey game
LM:: I'll sit wherever I want when he is sleeping, and I will expect that you're not entitled to get pissed off at me about it.
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THAT'S RIGHT! Does anyone else find this completely insane? The baby is comfortable and sleeping. I'm enjoying having him on me asleep. She is demanding, literally ordering me to take the sleeping child to bed. This is the real issue, but watch as she shifts gears and brings up another issue...
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PEW: your brother was trying to start shit between us......
LM:: No he wasn't.
PEW: like you don't already start enough shit
LM:: Stop making every disagreement something about you.
PEW: and you let him believe that you spend so much time with my family
LM:: My brother is jealous that I'm going elsewhere for Thanksgiving, that is the long and short of it.
PEW: it was
LM:: It was not.
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Mentioned in the opening of this post, one of my brothers was particularly vocal about how infrequently our entire family had the ability to get-together and he felt I should be at Thanksgiving with our family every year. I sympathized but didn't agree and I alternated most major holidays between the families. His main point was that we get to spend a great deal of time with her family and did regularly. However, it wasn't often that all of our family could get together and that should take priority given how infrequently it occurs. I appreciated his point but was sticking with my decision.
Of course, PEW made the discussion about her and her family when it had nothing to do with her or her family at all. Unfortunately, she overheard my discussion with my brother and knew that he was doing his best to try to change my mind. I wouldn't.
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PEW: well just so there's no mistake in the future....i'm going to make sure he knows not to fuck with an already fragile relationship. if he gives a shit about his nephews. as far as what happened last night...... just do it again see what happens i fucking dare you
LM:: Why is it every time we disagree, we're suddenly "fragile" again? You better get a grip on yourself, PEW.
PEW: suddenly. July was only 2 months ago
LM:: Yeah, suddenly. Things are going just fine, and we have a disagreement, and you start tossing out your "March" threats again.
PEW: i need about six months of solid relationship. it's not sudden
LM:: Well, solid relationships have disagreements in them. So if you are expecting no disagreements in the "6 month grace period" - you might as well start getting your paperwork ready. It's how you handle those situations that determine whether or not things remain "solid."
PEW: well i'm not going to wait the rest of my life for you to STOP being an asshole..... you can stop by March.....or find a new wife. i don't give a shit
LM:: And right now, you're the one not handling things very well.
PEW: neither are you
LM:: Well, disagreeing with your handling of the situation isn't being an "asshole" except because you disagree with my point of view. I can accept that. You disagree.
PEW: I was doing great until your ASSHOLE fucking brother started his fucking shit again every fucking year. did you miss the part where I was crying yesterday
LM:: No, you, as usual, made it somehow personal against you, and it simply is not. No, I didn't forget.
PEW: the shit i've put up with with you and YOUR family
LM:: And I can understand why.
PEW: so far......
LM:: He simply doesn't realize the importance of the day for you and your family, and I set him straight, whether he agrees or not.
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I believe I've given a very reasonable explanation of the situation and the matter between my brother and I was settled, even if there was no agreement. I stood my ground, gave my reasons why, and moved on. Yet, PEW still rails in all of her glory about it. Oh, but wait - she shifts again!
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PEW: i've had your best friend tell me that he is in love with you and he thinks you are gay.....
LM:: You're going in my block list if you don't stop it. Stop it right now.
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Ummm... to the best of my knowledge, this is a complete fabrication.
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PEW: i've had your brother MJM tell me that he should take my dogs to the pound because the dog’s bed was dirty.....
LM:: None of that has anything to do with last night's disagreement. One last time. Knock it off. Please. Get over it already. Grow the hell up.
PEW: then.....I put up with your Father’s shit continuiously.....
LM:: You haven't put up with anything from my father. Get over it.
PEW: then there's the shit I tolerate from VM&DR
LM:: I put up with your racist family.
PEW: racist??
LM:: I put up with your father teaching shit to my kids that is inappropriate
PEW: explain that? I put up with your violent temper
LM:: You want to go family member for family member, PEW, or do you want to stop badgering me?
PEW: and your asshole personality. sure we could
LM:: It's wrong. So, if you want to lower yourself to these repeated childish antics, knock yourself out. Otherwise, stick to the topic at hand, which is, you don't agree with how I handled last night.
PEW: that's just one more thing to add to the pile of shit. don't fuck with me
LM:: Stop threatening me.
PEW: you heard me
LM:: Get a grip on yourself and try acting like a reasonable adult.
PEW: you
LM:: Stop with the insults, stop with the insulting my family, and discuss something that bothers you like a reasonable human being.
PEW: I didn't insult your family....I was merely stating factual information. they treat me like a peice of shit and always have
LM:: You're insulting my family and grossly overstate reality. They do not.
PEW: and my family treats you nice despite the fact that you've man handled me on occasion. they do
LM:: Dear God in Heaven. Get over this.
PEW: not in this lifetime
LM:: I've made mistakes in my life and I regret them.
PEW: yeah so have I. mostly having to do with Men