The Psycho Ex Wife

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…because obviously, her attorney had already prepared a petition, had a hearing scheduled, and was prepared to make an appearance in court on the issue the Monday after this discussion, which took place on April 8, 2004.

On the heels of her hitting my collectible items as “rewards” for the children’s acheivements - I removed them from the house. Everything. The value of these items wasn’t anything outrageous, seriously. They mostly have some intrinisic, non-financial value to me, but were also items that I would be inclined to sell on eBay for a profit from time-to-time. I like to collect old toys, games, vehicles, but not outrageously so. These were announced targets for her and so I removed them from “liquidation.”

As she believed these items to be worth far more than that were actually worth, she enjoined her attorney to file a motion. She wanted an injunction against me to preclude me from liquidating any assets prior to equitable distribution being completed. Ironically, she was the one doing the “liquidating,” but reality never stops the PEW from being litigious.

The “fun” part of this discussion (not documented) was that due to all of the harranging over the alleged value of these items - for her own financial gain - I told her to apply a value to any items that she wanted included for consideration and she could keep those items and the dollar value she applied would come off of my side of the equation! That approach worked to stop future engagements of this sort.

PEW: listen….i gotta tell you something
LM: Hang on. Or tell me and I’ll catch up
PEW: i was on a waiting list for an apartment in [locale], $700/month……..and they called me back, I looked at it and it was very nice…… I put a deposit on it, and it will be ready May 1st. so I figured I’ll go full time ASAP. i’d rather be going into a house, but obviously that’s not happening any time soon and I have to get settled somewhere so I can register the boys for school. so, since it’s an apartment that’s going to change my list of things in the house that I would like to take
LM: k
PEW: for instance…..I can’t take the grill or a refrigerator or washer or dryer. i’ll find out when you can drop me from your insurance. health insurance. i guess we have to work out the car thing too, so we can work out that insurance issue? do you have any thoughts?

Yes, I do. Would you like the kitchen sink, all of the furniture, appliances, lighting, and everything else that is or isn’t nailed down?

LM: Okay. I was doin’ some stuff while you were typing. My thoughts are this… Just so you know… I’ll start with Monday’s hearing. It’s a monumental waste of both our time and probably a good bit of your money. The reason is… I’ve read the petition. And you are well-aware of everything cited in that petition. I explained the money. I explained the Hess trucks and matchboxes. You know that the [other collectibles] never left the house. I have EVERYTHING to back up all of this information that you already know… only, you are going to pay your attorney for me to explain the same thing to the judge. If you want to follow-thru on that… fine. But rest assured that the guns issue will come up. As will the fact that I explained these issues to you before the petition was filed.
LM: That’s #1. #2. Actually… back to #1. I don’t know how much this is costing you… my guess is about $500. Assuming that’s accurate… You’re spending more money than the things that you’re asking me to account for… an accounting that I’ve already done for you. Doesn’t make sense… but again… the attorney has to use up the retainer somehow.
LM: Now… onto #2 Settlement. I reiterate that it gets done as fast as you want it done. Pick a vehicle. Pick a number. Pick the stuff in the house. Have your attorney file THAT, as it is the single most important thing on the table. And we can get it settled. We can get it settled fast. Those are my thoughts. If you want to go thru with Monday… feel free. But I think you should save your attorney’s fees for something more meaningful.
PEW: let me catch up. the phone range. Monday is a petition for relief. it’s so that your support starts now instead of when things are finalized. i’ll call and verify that
LM: Call.
PEW: ok
LM: It’s a petition to account for the things I’ve taken. Account for them and/or return them. And account for the alleged “theft” of funds from the joint accounts. It has nothing to do with support payments.
PEW: ok, i’ll call
LM: And if you doubt me… I’ll be glad to show you some things at lunch.

What a moron. Her and her attorney. I guess I can’t entirely fault the attorney - the meter is running, if her client insists on filing an injunction for essentially meaningless items, why the hell not?

I should have just gone to the hearing. It wasn’t that I was trying to “help” her as much as I was just trying to avoid wasting my time.

PEW: I told you what the # was $35k, +50% of the earnings in your 401k. and a car. and some of the stuff in the house. you just need to tell me if that’s acceptable. i’ll cancel monday if we can work it out. i don’t need her to write up $35k, 50% of the earnings in the 401k and a car. you should know if it’s acceptable or not, right off the top of your head
LM: Let me ask you… What makes you think you’re entitled to half of my 401K?
PEW: well let me correct that…… 1/2 then less 1/2 of mine
LM: ok. Which car?
PEW: doesn’t matter. either
LM: ok
PEW: i don’t really have a preference
LM: So 1 car
PEW: ok
LM: The equitable difference between the retirements.
PEW: right

You’ll notice her number has now moved from the earlier demand of $30,000 up to $35,000. This is some thing she will do every single time. Once we start talking about one benchmark, it is raised to another… be it financial, real estate, custody… she was always moving the target and so we would never settle until I just had to “give up.”

LM: I agree to that. Which brings us to the tough part. The number on the house. You believe that number is $35K?
PEW: around there. but i’ll be reasonalbe
LM: Okay… And you are aware that my understanding is that I believe differently, right?
PEW: yes
LM: So… Assuming we can obtain information from Domestic Relations regarding that information that your lawyer failed to explain to you properly… regarding what I allege is not part of marital property… (Domestic Relations ultimately makes that determination…) We can come to a more accurate number.
PEW: which is?
LM: I have no idea. I’ll have to ask my lawyer to ask Domestic Relations…
PEW: what is Domestic Relations?
LM: Or however that works. Family Court. They have formulae for everything, apparently.
PEW: so, you are telling me that you don’t have a round about figure in your head?
LM: No… because… the way I figured it is probably completely wrong. And there is no sense pissing you off with a number that may not even be remotely correct.
PEW: ok
LM: Okay. That was fairly productive. Call your lawyer.
PEW: not really, because we didn’t resolve anything
LM: Well… We’re resolved down to a number on the house.
PEW: which is pretty much where we were before the conversation
LM: Yes, but just for the hell of it, let’s pretend this was a positive step. Actually… As for Monday… Wait until after lunch to call your lawyer.
PEW: why?
LM: Cuz I’ll show you the petition. I wasn’t sure you had a copy or not.
PEW: well i’d still like to go Monday anyway
LM: As you wish.
PEW: she gave me the impression that it was for injunctive relief
LM: I just find it odd that you won’t spend the money to have your attorney draw up a sheet of settlement requirements…

It really wasn’t odd. She wasn’t willing to put out the money for important stuff like settling! But Hess Trucks and matchboxes - that was important enough to pay the attorney to draw up petitions for injunctive relief.

The problem was, anytime I had my attorney draw something up that was in keeping with something we had discussed, she would nix it… and I was out the costs of having something we had apparently agreed to - drawn up formally. So now, I was putting the onus on her to draw up an agreement and go from there. She wasn’t entirely stupid - she knew if she drew it up and I agreed to it - she wouldn’t have wiggle room to keep raising the ante.

PEW: and i will call her to verify
LM: …but you’ll spend money to prevent me from stealing stuff out of the house that hasn’t been stolen. That’s lawyer speak for… Filing an injunction. The injunction is being filed to prevent me from taking things out of the house.
PEW: you’ve already told me that $35k isn’t ok with you
LM: And to account for anything that I have already taken out of the house. Your attorney baffles you with bullshit. You see “injunctive relief” and think payment… support… money. It’s not.
PEW: well i said i’d call her
LM: She’s filed an injunction to prevent me from “dodging equitable distribution” based on things you told her. And things I’ve already explained to you. Okay.
PEW: well where are the Hess trucks and the video games
LM: If you want to spend your money so that I can tell a judge the same things I told you… that’s your prerogative. I told you… my brother’s
PEW: so, that’s what you’re telling the judge. they are at your brothers
LM: I also said… I’d bring them back if you brought back the guns… AND if you promised not to start giving them away.
PEW: ok
LM: I’ll bring them to court. I told you before, the only reason I took them…was your threats.
PEW: well then there is the $2200 payment to Citibank
LM: And?
PEW: you’ve refused to help me pay my cc
LM: Tell that to the judge and I will show him $1500 worth of payments to your credit card from August - December.
PEW: which was roughly $600 more…..stating that I had a spending problem
LM: I never said I wouldn’t help you pay your CC. Quite the contrary.
PEW: you said, it’s my debt
LM: I said it was your debt when you refused to budget with me.
PEW: oh
LM: And you refused to stop charging up your CC. All water under the bridge now, PEW. And by the way… You did notice the dates of those payments, right? Fully A MONTH before I had any idea you were going to file for divorce? That’s what makes this all so confounding.
PEW: ok, well let me call and find out about Monday
LM: ok

Money, support, alimony, the collectibles, her credit card payments… but *I* am the guy who was always worried about the money.

The bottom line for me was this - I wanted to keep the house for the convenience of it. Especially now that her apartment would be within 15-minutes of the house. The kids could continue to go to the schools that they loved, have their friends, the park within walking distance, great neighbors - it was effectively the only home that they had really known and it was a great house in a great community.

It still causes me near-physical pain to think that we couldn’t just settle the house and move on for the sake of the kids. I was spending my money to try to keep the kids lives as minimally upset as possible. She was spending money because she thought her investment, when deducted from her anticipated take, would be more than she would have gotten just settling. That’s on her and her listening to that idiot attorney she had who promised her that this was “easily a 60/40 case and quite likely a 70/30 case.” I can’t imagine on what she based this assumption other than her client’s gullibility, because the duration of our marriage and the mundane level of assets didn’t relegate this case to anything more than a nearly flawless case of 50/50 (at worst for me).

Even today, despite netting thousands less than zero, she believes it was all worth it. What a shame.