The Psycho Ex Wife

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Yes, this was a rough one. S1, in a fit of petulant anger, told PEW that he was going to kill himself unless he could play on the computer. It was March 8th, 2004 and S1 is 5-years old. Of course, this off-handed remark meant he needed therapy… again.

PEW: it’s been a bad day
LM: Oh dear.
PEW: S1 told me he was going to kill himself earlier when I told him he couldn’t play on the computer. I was like…..what the heck…where did you hear something like that? he said he just thought it up because he was mad at me. i’m thinking he needs therapy
LM: Didn’t we go thru this once before?
PEW: we did…but he never said he was going to kill himself before
LM: He’s being a fresh mouth.
PEW: he’s been “off the hook” all day
LM: I’m not concerned that he’s gonna off himself at this point. And if he’s been off the hook… he should be in his room. And not permitted out.
PEW: he was
LM: Not enough
PEW: he’s being good now
LM: Well then it worked.
PEW: well he poked S2 in the eye too

This is more of her “I don’t know what to do” helplessness. One son poked the other in the eye - call LM at work for help.

I’m all for being a part of parenting, but the incessant calls, emails, and IMs over their behavior issues when with her can become tiresome in a hurry. Further, the boys rarely acted the ways she would often describe for me. It’s not that I didn’t believe her. Quite the contrary - I did. She would never grasp that how they would behave was directly related to how she behaved, how she disciplined, how she rewarded, and how she interacted with them.

Children are smarter than we oftentimes give them credit for being. They learn quickly what they can get away with and will test the limits until reigned-in by a parent(s) with the ability to establish boundaries and enforce them consistently.

LM: I think you forget what it was like to be small.
PEW: is that what you think?
LM: Sometimes.
PEW: ok
LM: If my parents had thought all of our fighting was worthy of therapy… we’d probably be an institution today.
PEW: well funny you should say that…..because you all needed therapy. goodbye LM

Yes, as indicated by the reality that her family has many people, including two of her own siblings, diagnosed with or seriously suspected of having serious mental illnesses. Mine don’t.

Gotcha!

LM: Fight time?
PEW: no….i said goodbye
LM: Ok
PEW: we’re not fighting anymore, we’re getting a divorce. i’m done fighting with you
LM: Super.
PEW: when you get home….i’m going to take a ride for a few minutes
LM: No problem.

Too bad it wasn’t a permanent ride without a return trip.

Mental Health Crisis Hotline: (800)-969-6642

Suicide Prevention Tips Link