The Psycho Ex Wife

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LM,

I was not married to someone with BPD, I was raised by someone with BPD. When I was 21 she was finally diagnosed with depression and about 6 years ago was diagnosed BPD. She is taking medication for the depression, but refuses the therapy. So the BPD is still present in every interaction that we have.

All of my life I knew there was something wrong. Never did we have a rational conversation without her yelling or crying or trying to make me feel guilty about ruining her life. It was very difficult. I was lucky that I had my father who was always quiet and rational. He helped me to see that her behavior wasn’t normal. He helped me to build up emotional defenses against her attacks. He taught me how to distance myself from her emotionally and helped me keep the damage minimal. I hope that your time with your kids is as beneficial to them.

I still deal with her on a daily basis, and had always struggled to do so, until I found your site. The IM’s are so similar to what I go through, the strange direction that every conversation takes. Many of our conversations now, (I’m 36) lead back to what I did when I was 14, and how evil I am. This site has helped me see the pattern. I now understand when the first sign of an attack is coming and I know then that it is time to go home, or hang up the phone. I have learned so much from this web-site about minimal contact, and steering the conversation, and cutting off communication if the conversation starts down the wrong path. I will forever be grateful for this site.

Everyday I think about showing my Dad the web-site, because I know how he would relate to it, but for now, we don’t speak of her illness. He has been walking on egg shells for 40 years and the prospect of change scares him. It is just a silent understanding that we have and maybe just a quick “you know how your mom is” comment that we use to reassure each other and build each other up. Maybe one day I will be brave enough to send him to your site, but until then, I will just continue to use what you teach me and to remember that I am not alone.

Once again, thank you!

TB

You’re so very welcome. Thanks for the positive feedback.

~LM & DW