Childhood Obesity Crisis Looms - Part II
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At the encouragement of PEW, the psycho-SIL (PP) chooses to offer her insights into the issue:
I think everyone is in agreement that our main concern is for S1’s health & well-being. I’m sure there are a combination of reasons for why the problem developed- perhaps living with two parents that fought constantly & bitterly for the first five years of his life drove him to find solace in food when he could. I can only assure LM that everyone on our side of the family has recognized that there is a problem and have not only encouraged him to make healthier food choices but [my brothers] and Dad continually try to get both boys interested in athletics-so far to no avail.
Playing the blame game is not going to help S1. The only reason that WE have been reluctant to push for more drastic measures up until this point is because of the many changes and upheavals that both boys have been through in the last year. Now that the appointment is scheduled, it is just as well. However, I don’t think making a “conference call” to a doctor is a substitute for the day to day love and attention that PEW takes in caring for the boys, always making decisions based on their best interests.
A case could be made that there are substantial weight issues on LM’s side of the family also-such as LM’s mother, aunt, and cousin - and that LM never tries to encourage the boys to try sports as a form of exercise - in fact, past experience has led us to believe that he is against the boys being involved in any kind of organized sports at all.
Finally, as much as I can appreciate LM’s concerns in this matter, I can assure him that any efforts to further point fingers will only bring back an equally vitriolic attack from not only family members but from impartial, outside parties that have been privy to this issue in the past-former school teachers, counselors and physicians.
Let’s just move forward and take care of S1 in the manner he deserves, reflecting the love and care we all feel for him.
PP
I didn’t reply for obvious reasons. Aside from dripping with sarcasm, threats, and furthering the delusions of PEW, it’s devoid of anything meaningful. Quite the contrary actually. The other thing this family typically did was put the onus on the children to handle things that were the parents’ responsibility. PEW regularly said the same thing on this subject, among others:
“I can only assure LM that everyone on our side of the family has recognized that there is a problem and have not only encouraged him to make healthier food choices…”
S1 doesn’t do the food shopping. S1 doesn’t do the cooking (assuming you could call what PEW usually did “cooking”). At this point, S1 is only 6-years old and here they are saying that they are encouraging him to make healthier food choices. No, I am not kidding. Assuming he was even capable at 6-years old to make healthier food choices - the fact that her home was typically devoid of any healthier food choices would have made that difficult.
Considering everyone, PEW included, in that family is overweight (except for one brother) - it’s no wonder why no one can see a problem. Worse than that, citing 3 people in my family who make poor dietary decisions does nothing but support the serious concern I have for S1’s health.
They are like all clones of one another. It’s scary. I should count my blessings that I have shared custody, because it’s more custody than I’ve had since the initial split. Still, it’s simply not enough. The constant up-and-down cycle of S1’s weight introduces the potential for other health problems, too.
I can only hope that through our current exercise “program” (loosely termed) and a summer of part-timing with the swim team again, we can get it down and at least maintain it as previous short-term arrangements have shown possible.
June 14th, 2008 at 4:36 am
Too scray. My own PEH has gone to the opposite extreme, harrassing both kids about their “weight” to the point that our then 10 yr old son stopped eating for days at a time & had to work it out through counseling and our then 8, now almost 10 yr old daughter still keeps asking about going on a diet. Our kids are and have been regular weight / height all their lives and their doctors have said they are with normal weight ranges for their heights.
June 14th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
We have battled this for years with my 13 year old stepdaughter. My stepkids will be arriving a week from today for summer visitation. Their mom called my husband yesterday to forwarn him that stepdaughter has gained a lot more weight(More? how is that possible. She is already morbid) since last visit, and that “No one is to say a word about it because she is extremely sensitive about it.” Hmmmmmm.
First, let me say, that 6 years ago when I married… I was appalled at how everyone in the family…. my husband included, thought she was an adorable, chubby 7 year old. When a child can’t reach her own shoes to tie or fasten them…. I do not find this “adorable.” Every doctor that has diagnosed her as obese has been “fired” for referring her to a nutritionist, because it hurts the girl’s feelings. At age nine she was diagnosed with cholesterol in the 300’s, and the mom switched doctors…. again. Diabetes….. right around the corner,if not already there, I’m sure.
Here’s the problem. Mom doesn’t
cook. Dinners consist of Burger King, chinese food, subs and pizza from the grandparents sub shop, mac and cheese, hot dogs. No, and I mean NONE, physical activity. They watch TV, play videos or on the computer every minute. Their idea of rec time? Go to the movie theatre and eat big barrels of butter popcorn candy and soda.
Mom’s excuse yesterday? “Everytime I try to talk to her about it she goes to her room and cries.”
Everyone’s in denial. No one wants to step up. No one wants to hurt her feelings. WHAT? Hurt her feelings? When she gets on the bus and other kids yell, “Here comes the fat ass”, her mother is worried about hurting her feelings?
We live hours away and my husband’s attempts to intervene have been a total failure.
So in one week this will land at my door. Unless it resembles a chicken nugget, a french fry, or pizza, all meals will be snubbed. If i serve greens and veggie salad, which I do at every dinner in our house, she calls her mother and says I’m insinuating that she’s fat and that’s what she shoud eat. We are an active family. My son a nationally ranked middle and long distance runner, my daughter a competitive gymnast and runner. We are physically fit because we bike, walk, roller blade, swim, play frisbee. My kids don’t do video games or computers except for homework. I won’t be able to get my stepdaughter out of the house. Her shoes won’t lace and she doesn’t want to walk more than out to the car. She can’t peddle a bike. And if I suggest any activity…. I’m picking on her.
It is so disturbing…. It makes my blood boil. They are killing her and no one wants to hurt her feelings. Urgh!
I commend you for getting involved. His life depends on it! And you and I both know your boys don’t have to be involved in athletics to get physically fit. Just keep them moving…. anything fun you can do as a family. Frisbee is one of our favorites. basketball in the driveway, biking favorite parks. You will set them up for a lifetime of better health.
The future for my stepdaughter? Her mom has already mentioned she might have to have gastric bypass surgery? She’s 13. You have got to be kidding me!