Stay-At-Home-MOMS (SAHM): Worth $130,000+ ???
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Only because I have never seen an article on what the working-dad is worth to the marital home, I’m going to take a stab at it.
Before I get into picking apart this annually regurgitated propaganda by Salary.Com and spread via other media - I will give you my position on stay-at-home parents. While it’s a wonderful consideration to demonstrate the importance of any stay-at-home-parent - their contention and calculations have holes one could drive a truck through.
They’re invaluable. They’re priceless. Regardless of which parent stays home, I believe it’s better for children to be primarily raised by the parent(s) rather than a daycare. I have a great deal of respect for stay-at-home-parents and it’s top on my list of jobs I’d really want to do… if I could make ends-meet while doing it.
“Stay-At-Homers” are overwhelmingly moms. In some of the internet circles I’ve frequented, it’s clear that there are times when they are devalued (ironically enough - a majority of the time in feminist circles) and not given enough credit for the valuable work that they do. For the record - so are stay-at-home-dads, if not, moreso when dealing with challenges to their “manhood” or alleged lack thereof.
Let’s examine some of the jobs and pay-rates used in determining this calculation:
Nevermind that no mom, unless specifically trained to do the daily tasks for a minimum of 8-hours per day - has anywhere near the necessary education, training, nor experience to “qualify” for the large majority of those jobs. Fact is, without it - they aren’t entitled to use those average salaries as a basis for determining their “worth” to the household. (For the record, no dad is, either - but to my knowledge - there isn’t any website that would attempt to do this and pass itself or the article off as being completely serious.)
With only the fewest exceptions, most of the items on that list, fathers do exclusively in many households, if not, in tandem with their spouse, while also working a full-time (plus) job. On the flip side, there are number of items on the list that could be attributable to moms that are rather questionable, either exclusively or even in tandem with their spouse.
I’ll avoid a prolonged argument about the “tasks” above, but spin a couple of them this way:
- Clearing hair out of the drain or pouring Drano down the drain: ISN’T akin to being a plumber.
- Calling AAA when the car breaks down: ISN’T akin to being an Auto Mechanic.
- Giving your kids a “high-five” for good work: ISN’T akin to being a CEO.
Get my drift? Now, before you go berating me about how frigging hard being a stay-at-home mom is and all of the things that you do and how you’re running non-stop from the moment you get up until the moment you lay down at night - I know stay-at-homers do plenty of work, but I call bullshit on anyone who claims how hard it is… especially if the child(ren) are of school age and spending the large majority of their day in school.
Cooking isn’t hard. Cleaning isn’t hard. Doing the wash, isn’t hard. Washing dishes isn’t hard. Managing the children can be a pain-in-the-ass, but generally - it isn’t hard. I could blather on and on and you, the reader, can roll your eyes until you sprain them. I’ve been there. I’ve done it as a single parent - if only a portion of the time (but full days) while unemployed. I’ve done it as a single parent while holding down a full-time job. I’ve done it married when PEW was working evening shifts and was walking out the door while I was walking in. I simply never found it to be what she always seemed to compare to hard-labor in a federal prison.
Collectively - it’s hard work and it all can be accomplished with some meaningful planning and execution. Yes, there are some days when careful planning and execution goes right out the window - but over the long haul it’s all pretty manageable, especially when you have a spouse out in the workforce earning enough money for the household so that you are able to do what you’ve chosen to do.
In any event, when Salary.Com gets around to doing an article about the worth of the working father on that same familial household, they should tack at least some of the following onto the list they used for moms: carpenter, floor installer, toilet installer, auto mechanic (for real), landscaper, woodworker, referee, judge, jurist, banker, stock broker, financial planner, assembler, metalworker, roofer, sports coach, furniture repair, electrician, appliance installer, trash collector, gas station attendant…
Of course, I say all this slightly tongue-in-cheek. The point is that the Salary.Com assessment is so ridiculous as to be laughable. Frankly, I think that the worth of the Stay-At-Home-Parent is something you can’t put a dollar figure on - let’s not pretend that being one is akin to being “some portion” of any of those jobs. Before you go up to your spouse looking for a $10,000+ check at the end of the month, the reality is - it’s simply not the case and Salary.Com is doing no household any favors by performing this annual “study” which is rife with flaws. They really should stop doing it, but I guess the attention that their website gets as a result makes it all worth it.
One of the other claims that often accompanies these types of articles is that stay-at-home-moms do “all of that” for nothing. That’s a lie. Here is my list of “somethings” that stay-at-home-moms get for their efforts (in-whole, or in-part):
In addition, legally (in most states), the stay-at-home mom is entitled to at least half of all of the assets: autos, real-estate, retirements, future earnings, paid training to get back into the workforce, education, the children primarily (if divorcing)… and the list goes on.
I’ll wrap this up with these final thoughts… take the article for what it really should be: show appreciation for the value and efforts of the stay-at-home parent. Recognize the important role and significantly positive impact it can have on children, marriage, and the partnership. It’s hard work that is rewarding on levels that probably could never be matched in the workplace. Conversely, appreciate the partner who is in a position to give you and your family that opportunity.
I’m really not interested in seeing a Salary.Com article about stay-at-home-fathers or those in the workplace and their total financial worth with the other jobs that they may do at home. I’m interested in seeing their article where it belongs…
May 30th, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Interesting.
I’ve had the same take on that article for all of the years I can remember it being published now. What I find most interesting about it is that working Moms tend to take a hit in SAHM circles.
How dare we maintain gainful employment rather than stay home with our offspring every day? How dare we greedily hoof it off to a job every day just so we can keep up with the Joneses? (or whatever other crap “SAHM circles” tend to spew to justify their thought processes on why they’re so superior to the working Moms out there). For the record? I would bet that roughly 95% of the working Moms out there would give their eye teeth (and maybe even a limb or two) to be able to stay home but financially just can’t make it work.
Do let me say, before anyone gets their panties in a bunch, that I am aware that not all stay-at-home Moms have that opinion. I’ve just found it to be very prevalent in “SAHM circles”.
Anyway, what bugs me the most about it is that I don’t so much have a choice on whether I work or not. In fact, it’s starting to become quite the norm for families to be hard-pressed to have only one wage-earner. In my family, I’m the primary wage-earner.
But that doesn’t stop me from being the taxi-driver, cake decorator, laundry-doer, homework assistant, cook, and chief bottle washer the second I walk in the door. It’s just the deal.
I wish folks like those in the “SAHM circles” and those over at Salary.com would just appreciate parents for being parents, male or female, stay at home or wage-earning. It’s one tough job, the whole thing–whether you have the privilege of staying home with your munchkins all day, or whether you spend 8+ hours a day at a job so you can pay the bills and then spend all of your remaining hours making up for the hours you were gone.
May 30th, 2008 at 10:33 pm
One of the funniest parts of the “study” from my perspective was that the stay-at-home mom works an average of 94-hours per week.
Is that right?
168-hours in the 7-day week.
Let’s say that sleep accounts for 49-hours per week. That leaves…
119-hours available for the 7-day work week.
Most of the women in my life (DW is NOT one of these women, she despises talking on the phone for any length of time with anyone) spent conservatively - an hour per day on the phone. That leaves…
112-hours available for the 7-day work week.
Let’s figure 1-hour per day for eating. That leaves…
105-hours available in the work week.
Some fairly reputable studies say that we spend an average of 1-hour per day “waiting” for something. Waiting in line. Waiting on hold. Waiting waiting waiting.
That leaves 98-hours available in the 7-day work week.
Showering? Getting nails done? Getting a shower or bath? Putting on makeup and doing their hair? Getting dressed? How many hours per week might that take?
I think we’re creeping into the alleged “94-hours per week working” bunk. I also think that the sources of their working hours were embellishing and doing so quite a bit.
Using the information provided by Salary.Com’s “research” - Stay-At-Home moms have essentially no time during their waking days when they’re not doing something considered “work.” No television time. No entertainment. No breaks. No going out to dinner. No, “nights out with the girls.” No having a party or going to one. Nothing.
Anyway… I also had periods during which I have been a parent with both the PEW and I were working. You know what’s REALLY amazing?
All of the stuff that “SAHMs” do for “94-hours per week” - still got done. I’m not sure how it was even possible, even with the two of us considering the monumental amount of work that needs to be done - but as if by magic… it got done.
Now that DW and I have no fewer than two, and quite often all 4 children in our company full-time… somehow - all of that stuff still manages to get accomplished.
The study purports to be done based on a household with two-children… which means DW and I must both be working and getting somewhere in the neighborhood of 2,468-hours of work per week done around the house at an imagined salary of $10,908,560 (combined).
So where is all the money?
June 4th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
I don’t know where they get their studies or figure their numbers but….
I’ve raised 5 kids by myself 7 days a week 365 hours a day for the last 10 years. My ex is not like you- he thought the divorce meant he didn’t have to be a dad anymore either. No birthday cards, christmas cards or phone calls. So, 7 hours a sleep a night for me would be a luxury. Plumbing for me means cutting pipe, getting purple cleaner and glue and fixing the problem. A leaky sink to me means climbing under the sink and fixing it. A hole in the drywall means a patch or cutting drywall, tape, mud and paint. And I still play taxi, cook, laundress, yard work, and every other fun thing on your list. And I GET to do all this while paying for the privilege. And it is a privilege! Because the awards that come with all of this can’t be measured by money.
Thanks for reminding me of how much I’m blessed!
June 9th, 2008 at 5:15 am
I hate when they come out with these articles. SAHM say “Look see how much I do.” And while some actually do most of it others well, dont. I was a SAHM for 6 weeks after I had my son. I continues to do my doctorate studies from home and then after 6 weeks it was back to school.
My hubby though wouldnt get enough credit during that 6 weeks acoording to salary.com. He changed diapers and cleaned just like me. He did it after work so I could do my studies. So I dont agree with the article.
Now I work more than 80 hours a week and still manage to take care of the “house”. So any figures they could come up with for working moms wouldnt match either. And my hubby never gets a fair shake either. To my SAHM friends they say ” He works less than you so thats his job”
i am sure I rambled on in this post and Im sorry. Just had to give me input.
BTW, Mister M and DW, I just took on a patient from the hospital er with obvious BPD. It was apparent to me after talking with her for 5 minutes when I got the page. And guess what she is divorced with primary custody of 3 little girls. Keep me in your thoughts. This will be my first BPD patient.