I'm going to try to keep this short and sweet. This one is for the readers to break down. Depending on the feedback, I'll toss my thoughts out there.
S2 turned 7-years old yesterday. PEW called as we were on our way to school in the morning and I passed the phone back to him and they chatted. Nice. Normal. No problem.
We had plans for the evening. It was a "boys night out" - just the three of us - and it was essentially whatever S2 wanted to do (within reason). Movies... popcorn... pizza... hockey... ice cream... gifts... stay up as late as they can handle. It was a blast.
In the middle of our festivities, my phone beeps and I find the following text message:
"Tell S2 again happy birthday for me. The day he was born was one of the best days of my life. It's special because it's always the same week as Mother's Day."
Okay, readers. You make the call!
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Normal or Not - You Make the Call!
Labels: 2008, borderline personality disorder, bpd, crazy emails
Posted by Mister-M at 9:51 AM
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13 comments:
Page from the BPD handbook.....can't tell you how many calls I've gotten like that.
Makes you want to gag, no?
Sounds like she's fishing for a Mother's Day card and/or gift from the boys (and by extension, LM) just for possessing the almighty uterus that carried them, regardless of how many times she's ignored Father's Day.
Typical:
The kids are with you, not poor PEW (is she alone for Mother's Day? Have you all forgotten her?)
Narcissim...let's move the spotlight onto PEW and away from her son.
It never ceases to amaze me how PEW's cast themselves as heroic. This is not to say that it isn't an enormous achievement to give birth and nurture your children--but PEW's seem to have to remind everyone constantly that they did so. We have a lot of emails from our PEW (as do teachers and other helping professionals for the children) reminding us graphically that these children are the ones she brought forth from her body.
Seriously, I would speculate that BPD's may be very scarred and shaken by the birth of their children. The necessity to put oneself second after the baby probably costs a BPD dearly, feeling, as they do, that they have never had enough love and attention themselves. And many BPD's have been abused physically and emotionally, giving the process of labour a huge significance.
Be that as it may, your PEW can't go a day without thrusting herself to the forefront of your minds.
P.S. It might have been more normal to say it the other way around: that Mother's Day is made special by S2's birthday!
Mr M, I deleted my first comment because I miss read the Text as same day instead of same week...
Now why she felt the need to disassociate you with your child is beyond me, although, completely expected. Like you were going to relay this lovely insight to S2 (other than the Happy Bday of course)!!
I'm glad you had a great day with the kids.
Ugh. Does she ever put any thought into how awkward it would be for you to relay that info in the first place? I'd feel like a total moron if I had to say that to one of the kids.
For me, there are a number of things that are disturbing about it.
- She spoke to S2 already that day, at length, and had every opportunity (and probably did) convey her sentiments. No problem.
- The message was clearly for me and not for S2, as she could very well have called him again in the evening and I certainly would have made time for them to speak again.
- How would it have made S1 feel to hear such a message? S1 has been asserting his independence a bit more as of late and paying a bit of a price. Thus, the adoration has now shifted to S2. I'm certain that the birth of S1 was another one of the few "best days" of her life.
- Maybe it was a "reminder" of sorts about Mother's Day. I don't really care.
- Finally, don't interject yourself into our special night. It's unnecessary.
It was no big deal, really, it prompted a wry grin when I saw it followed shortly thereafter by a rolling of the eyes.
We have a great "boys night out" evening.
It's always got to be about her.
It also seems typical of the love you/hate you swings that are "normal" for this type of person. I am currently dealing with it more and more in my SO's absence; nice, nice, insult, accusation, back-pedaling, nice, insult, back-pedaling...all games, all stupid, all the time.
My opinion she was trying to stick it to you....S2 is HER child in her eyes, not YOUR son too. Also she was trying to put the attention on herself on a night that she knew the three of you were together and she was home alone having a pity party. I think in some twisted way it's her way of also hoping you will be sentimental with her. Twisted, I know....she is trying to stir emotion in you. Deep down I think she hopes you still think about the "happy times." (gives me the frickin' creeps!)
Normal for someone with BPD. She was feeling left out and had to interject herself into your time with the kids in any way she could.
We get the same. Our last one was on Easter - which she was supposed to have this year, but decided she didn't want because she's become a "pagan" - so we had the kids. When we got home from brunch easter morning there was a message on the answering machine from her that said "Hey, it's me, I was just calling to tell the kids that the Easter Bunny came to our house too. Hahaha"
Seriously, there was the 'fake evil laugh' in there and everything. Sheesh.
Our PEW likes to go on & on about what motherhood is like and all the mystique of motherhood. BUNCH OF CRAP. She is only a "mother" in the sense that she has working ovaries. I think for her that she goes on & on about how wonderful motherhood is because she wanted the image but doesn't like the reality. She has never cared what her games & scenes have done to her son, but anytime she can get sympathy or any points for "motherhood" she certainly trots that little card out.
The very fact that her ovaries work negates the possibility of a benevolent divine being. :)
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