The Psycho Ex Wife

If you're new here, you may want to get updates for FREE by Email or RSS. Thanks for visiting!

On September 25th, 2003, PEW starts a fight about me allegedly being selfish. She against describes “having a breakdown.” She demanded that I cancel plans to have some of my family over to celebrate S1’s birthday. She demanded this not because anyone was sick, but because she didn’t like me talking to one of my brothers about motorcycles. She closes by threatening to leave again and, of course, take the kids with her.

PEW: i’m having a freakin breakdown
LM: Whassa matter?
PEW: everything. cancel tomorrow night. i’m not up for it. and S1 is sick
LM: ok. Why don’t you and J.. go out or something? That way, if he’s feeling better, I can still have them over?
PEW: you’re such a selfish bastard i’m so sick of this

Okay. I can handle having people over without her being there. I even suggest that she go out with a friend - no problem. This makes me selfish.

LM: What are you talking about?
PEW: it’s all about you. always
LM: Ah, the dreaded AIM attack.
PEW: whatever, well I’ll hold the rest till you come home at lunch
LM: I’m really sorry I can’t get home.
PEW: kiss my ass
LM: Amazing your mood swings again. 3 days ago… pissed off miserable. Last two days… happy and funny. Today… pissed off miserable. Unreal. All because I can just up and walk out of work today.
PEW: talk about mood swings. you’re the king of that shit. at least I have a reason. i have actual stress
LM: If you say so.
PEW: you act like it’s news that i’m sick of this. that i’m sick of you
LM: How is it you go from wanting a divorce 3 days ago… To lovey dovey kissy face hiney pinch the last two days… To, freak out on LM again today? That’s mood swings. I never do that to you. Never.
PEW: because I pray that you’ll be different…then you just prove how selfish you are again and again selfish to the core
LM: Selfish how? Because I can’t leave work?
PEW: worried about motorcycles and having your brothers over…. you don’t give a rats ass about what I have going on
LM: I’m not worried about motorcycles.
PEW: as usual, bull
LM: Hey, it’s okay that you can drop and go to your family’s whenever.
PEW: you can drop and go to your family anytime too….you’re just too lazy to
LM: I want to have my family over to wish S1 a happy birthday… and you want to put the kibosh on it… and have the NERVE to say I”M selfish. And it’s about ME. Hysterical.
PEW: HE”S SICK, ass
LM: How many times have you taken the boys out “sick” PEW?
PEW: I have to take an exam tomorrow. the only ones left coming are CAM and [wife].

This wasn’t a big production we’re talking about here. When the original cook-out was planned, several of the boys’ Uncles were out of town and couldn’t attend. So, I asked a couple of them over for some coffee and cake - a short visit to wish S1 a happy birthday and see his cousins. This was really no big deal, but as with most things - it was apparently a set of catastrophic circumstances with which the PEW was unprepared to handle like an adult.

LM: S2 was sick when you took him last night?
PEW: do you really think they want [niece] to be around sickness
LM: How about when you took him down your parents Tuesday night?
PEW: yeah because there are no children there
LM: Ohhhh… so it’s not about his being sick… it’s about other children now? I see. It’s about you. Not being there. Isn’t it? You have something to do.

Ah, yes - the “do as I say, not as I do” edict. So, here she is claiming that S1 is sick and that he shouldn’t go out. We shouldn’t have visitors. Well, I ask her about her going to her families and other places with the children when they’re sick. That’s okay, according to her. Having my brother, his wife, and my niece over to wish S1 a happy birthday apparently was not proper protocol.

PEW: what are you talking about. like what?
LM: You wanted me to cancel because you have to go take your test. Now, S1 has a red throat, and you conveniently have a different excuse.
PEW: I have to take the test before 4
LM: I see.
PEW: it doesn’t impact people being over
LM: Okay.
PEW: but this isn’t about his birthday. he had a birthday celebration. so it’s not about him…..
LM: It is about him. Was CAM and [wife] there? MJM and [wife]?
PEW: and we know you don’t care that I’m stressed and don’t feel like cleaning
LM: What party did we have for him?
PEW: MJM and [wife] can’t come
LM: Oh… that’s right… YOUR family.
PEW: that’s not my fault. you’re family couldn’t be here on his birthday
LM: I want to invite my family over, and can’t… because YOU don’t want it.

Borderlines like to isolate their targets from everyone that means anything to them. Friends, family, children… if it isn’t all about them - it’s just wrong. This demonstrates that tactic which PEW used often.

<
a href="http://www.doityourselfbankruptcyforms.com/images/pewdivider3.gif">
PEW: no S1 is SICK and I have a night off
LM: Well, I’ll let CAM and [wife] decide.
PEW: I don’t feel like entertaining
LM: Go out if you don’t want to be there. Go visit your mom. Go visit your sister.
PEW: fuck you
LM: Go out with J… 3 times I’ve rescheduled this thing.
PEW: i’m waiting to talk to my Dad. I think I am moving back home with the kids you can’t stop me
LM: No you’re not. Watch me.
PEW: a judge will decide not you
LM: ok

There I go being selfish again. If you don’t want to entertain - go out. See a friend. Go relax somewhere. I’ll take care of everything. Of course, this was simply about inconveniencing me and isolating me (and the kids) from my side of the family.

PEW: so anyway……. I can’t help the fact that I have to work
LM: I know. Really. I do.
PEW: well when I start working full time, what are you going to do? I mean it can’t always be me? does anyone else have small children there? what do they do? the ones who’s wives work
LM: I don’t know. Daycare? I don’t really concern myself with what other people do.
PEW: well i’m asking because it seems like lately your just like oh well PEW, it’s your problem
LM: It’s not “your problem.” It’s our problem. Is it your expectation that, if we can’t get coverage in a situation like this, I should call out?
PEW: i’m not asking you to call out……i’m saying I called out on Tues…. I had to take S2 to the dentist with me and to the therapist. I have a test tomorrow at [the college] that I have no coverage for….. a meeting with [boss] monday…..no coverage…… and today I took S2 with me to the chiropracter last week…….and the dentist and the doctors. do you ever have to do that? sometimes I gotta have both kids with me
LM: Look, I know you can’t do it for everything… but the first thing I do is try to set my appointment at times that I don’t have to worry about that. I make Dentist appts. before work. I make Dr. appts. over lunch. Or after work. Or on the weekends.
PEW: yeah me too…..but I work at night and on the weekends. you have no idea do you?
LM: I do.
PEW: just that you would say that…..tells me that you don’t. I work almost all saturdays
LM: Do you have to work “all Saturdays?”
PEW: and 2-3 nights during the week. if I want money. yeah i do
LM: That’s not what I asked. No, you don’t. You don’t HAVE to work all Saturdays.
PEW: well i certainly can’t pick up more days during the week in lieu of saturdays
LM: You can make appts. over lunch time when I can be home… and sneak out a little early and go back a little late.
PEW: then I wind up with this situation. the kids get sick…..SIL can’t babysit…….i’m screwed
LM: If you have to make a Drs. appt. - then what you can pick up shouldn’t be that important.
PEW: well i make my schedule a month a head of time
LM: If the kids get sick, and we can’t get a babysitter… work is going to have to allow you to come in two hours late. Until I get home.
PEW: that’s not always possible. i’ve done that several times already. your work is going to have to let you leave early
LM: No, it isn’t.

PEW is the master at putting herself in the position of being put-out. She is the master of victimhood. Even when faced with simple, logical, convenient ways to handle her regular “impositions” - she simply cannot accept them. Only making adjustments to suit her ever-changing demands which are most inconvenient for me and, at the time, potentially put the job at risk - are the solutions she wants. Leave work when I say. Go when I say. When I say “jump” - you say “how high.” Simple, logical solutions which put the onus on her to plan appropriately and when I could most easily accommodate those scheduling glitches were simply not doable.

For me, the choice was simple and I held my ground:

1 - Take the children with you when you have to do these things.

2 - Go when I can most easily be able to be there to accommodate them, like I do, with the fewest exceptions.