How Do You Teach Children Commitment, Loyalty, Responsibility?

Answer: Well, it wouldn't be by letting them out of their Scouts commitment because "they don't feel like doing it."

These are the days that can be so frustrating. It's not my custody week, but last night, the last official Pack Meeting was scheduled and it was going to be fun and interesting - as most of them are. The big feature for yesterday, a beautiful, sunny day, would be the parent/scout kickball game. The weather was perfect for it, too.

Giving PEW the kind of respect I don't often get, I sent a text message to find out if it would be an imposition if I attended tonight. The reason I do this is because I don't want her imposing herself on any activities that occur on my custodial period. That doesn't stop her, but I don't much mind. I do probably make too much of an effort to do what *I* perceive to be "the right thing." The secondary reason? I had a sneaking suspicion that she wouldn't take them anyway. She certainly isn't in any shape to participate in a kickball game and is the picture of a sedentary, food & drink consuming lifestyle.

I was correct in my suspicion as confirmed by her at the last minute while I was getting ready to roll out. She is that predictable.

I was going to go to the Pack Meeting anyway. Yes, a little part of me wanted to be asked by another parent or the leader just so I could say, "Well, they're with mom this week and decided that they just didn't want to participate. I thought I'd come to help out and have fun with the Pack anyway." I'm disappointed because I managed to develop some decent relationships with other parents over the course of the last 6-months insofar as activities and interactions within. This would have been a tremendous amount of fun, I'm sure. I turned around half-way there after chatting about things with DW on the phone. Among the reasons:

- It wasn't worth it and could backfire.

- It could look creepy that you would come to play with the other children while yours weren't in attendance.

- People would wonder why you didn't just go get the kids and bring them and you certainly didn't want to have to be put on the spot explaining that one, if anyone was even bold enough to ask. They would certainly wonder.

This really sucks. A couple of other things come to mind. I could offer to pick them up and take them myself! No. No, I couldn't. I avoid doing anything that involves me going to her home for a pickup/dropoff unless absolutely necessary. I'm sure undermining her decision to allow the kids to dictate their attendance at the Pack Meeting would have been cause for a confrontation. She could simply say, "no" - which is another confrontation. Or, the kids would be resistant that I was "forcing" them to go and there would be a scene. That's not something I want to happen on "her turf."

She contributes almost nothing to their scouting effort. She hasn't gotten them their new books since they've moved up a level. The boys regularly tell me that mom does nothing with them regarding Scouts while with her (aside from attending meetings sometimes with them). This is the case despite her signing S1 up for Scouts. She didn't sign S2 up because he "didn't feel like it." I got him in 3-months after it started and caught him up on my time when I explained to him the types of activities and lessons he would be missing as a result of not feeling like it. He's loved it.

I've worked very hard to instill the commitment, loyalty, teamwork, responsibility - all hallmarks of the scouting effort. Yet, when mom decides to balk and let them out of their responsibilities because the truth is - she doesn't feel like doing it - it ruins it. It really does.

Now, when I get them on Sunday, we'll be having a discussion about all of those things and how I'm disappointed that they simply "didn't feel like it" doesn't meet with my approval. I get to be the big ogre right out of the gate for the week. Too bad for me. These are important lessons and if I'm going to be the one repeatedly trying to reinforce these important lessons, it is something I'll simply have to deal with. Perhaps a lesson in how their day-to-day lives would be impacted if I just "didn't feel like" doing certain things is in order.

It just chaps my ass that instead of being with their Scout Pack, they're probably home watching television, playing video games, or doing some other non-value added activity that teaches them nothing but the laziness that their mother instills in them. Another opportunity for a fun physical activity and exercise wasted.

I really wanted to go despite their absence, but I think DW made some very valid points during our discussion and the potential negative consequences were too much to risk for the sake of being an adult participant with the Pack tonight.

I wonder if the few who criticized my decision to keep S1 out of a Den activity earlier this year as "sending the wrong message" would feel as strongly about Mom's choice to not go because they didn't feel like it (including mom)? At least back then, the decision was made due to S1 getting in a physical confrontation at school.

I'm very disappointed.

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