Her Divorce Plan is Hatched - February 2003

Do I know this for sure? No, I can't truly say that I do. It is only classical hindsight. It's about one year before the day she actually files for divorce. Having lived with her leaving and/or threatening to leave more than 30-times during the course of our relationship and having poured over the documentation countless times in preparation for everything associated with the divorce & custody proceedings, I think I recognized a difference in the "tone" of her communication and it starts with this one. While it's not the first where she talks about the aftermath of such proceedings, some of the content, particularly her comment about being "forced" out of the marital home, point to a deeper level of research on her part.

Subsequent actions, the unknown credit card obtained a few months later which was quickly rung up to several thousand dollars worth of debt, lying to me about her actual income (understating it), and other things supported my thought that her actions were planned well in advance of filing. I suppose after years of her "crying wolf" - I just didn't see it until much later this year as being a real threat with which she may finally follow-through.


PEW: hey....
LM: sup?
PEW: are you sure you don't want to do this together......
LM: Yes. Yes, I'm sure.
PEW: so if I file....what happens next
LM: I don't know. Do what you have to.
PEW: what if they order you to leave. what will you do
LM: I don't have the time nor the inclination to discuss this now. Nobody has the authority to "order" me to leave my home.


While it didn't happen to me, clearly I know better. Men are forced out of their home with alarming frequency, often with the abuse of the restraining order process, with false accusations of domestic violence. It is the #1 weapon in the arsenal of a vindictive spouse and all it takes is an accusation, without proof, to obtain a restraining order, exclusive possession of the marital household, and temporary custody of the children (which will then typically result in a permanent order of sole or primary custody).


PEW: ok fine......well I thought I'd check with you before I go spend $500. it would be much easier if we could do this together. and figure out the best possible arrangement
LM: Well, I don't want a divorce... so if you do... you do what you have to.
PEW: ok LM....... that's fine. it flies in the face of the way you live..... but fine if that's the way you want to do it. if we sell this house.....we could both afford a nice little town house. $500 mortgage......I could work full time
LM: PEW, you have absolutely no clue what you are talking about.
PEW: I wouldn't ask for support from you for myself....just for the kids


Yet, it's the very first thing she did after filing. Surprised? I certainly wasn't.


LM: So, please stop. I have no time for this now. If we "sell this house" neither of us will end up with enough money to put a downpayment on a shed. We'll be lucky to cover the mortgage and the home equity loan. And we'll have nothing in the bank. That's the fact.
PEW: bull and you know it. i don't care
LM: I know you don't.
PEW: i really don't.....I don't want any money. i just want out


Lie. She spared no effort nor expense to maximize her "take" after the divorce. In fact, absurd efforts and expense as she ended up netting far less (net less-than-zero) than I had offered her to settle matters in the few months after her filing. We're talking tens-of-thousands of dollars, folks. Not chump change.


LM: Just don't paint yourself this pipe dream of what it will be like after a divorce.
PEW: you can keep all the furniture. i'm not
LM: Because it ain't gonna be good for anybody.
PEW: i know it'll be hard......
LM: Now, enough.
PEW: but at least i'll be my own person
LM: Do what you have to.
PEW: ok....i have every intention of doing so. goodbye
LM: ok


What's amazing about this delusion is, if not for my efforts to keep her at bay, she would be just as frequently abusive and combative in the aftermath of the divorce as she was in it. Only, she would have a claim to a substantial portion of my income in addition to everything else she obtained after the split.

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