Childhood Sleep Aid: A Few Whacks on the Butt

Despite not being the primary part of this discussion, I couldn't help but draw attention to this technique PEW used to get S2 to fall asleep.

The topic is really about tax preparation. I had been using a very reputable CPA firm on a referral from one of my brothers. Top-notch work. Cut-rate price. Loads of confidence and no worries. This guy left no stone unturned when it came to maximizing our benefits on the tax filings for several years. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Unless you're the psycho ex-wife.

PEW often had a habit of promising things to people first and then asking me if it was "okay" later. Unsurprisingly, this almost exclusively would occur on a topic that was going to be a major issue for me. More often than not, it was usually about Aunt PP (psycho SIL) babysitting one or both of the children. This time, it was about switching our tax preparation to one of her "oldest friends," who, strangely enough, I hadn't heard word-one about until he comes out of the woodwork looking for business. It's December 30th, 2002 - so that would make it approximately the 8th-year of our relationship.


PEW: oh....i can't wait to go to work… ball busters - wait till you hear this
LM: oh dear
PEW: nap time....I put S2 in the crib.... lay with S1.... in our room.... S2 is freaking out and freaking out..... for like 1/2 hour. so I go in and me and S1 lay in his bed.......and he's still carrying on and on.....
PEW: well I lay him down a couple times..... then once I give him a few wacks on the butt.... and S1 gets so hysterical laughing that he gets the hiccups. i'm like...what is so funny about that..... he's like....I don't know.....it just looks funny. then S2 wakes up after a 1/2 hour


Now, I'm not a perfect parent, but feel as though I have strong parenting skills. The last time I checked my imaginary parenting reference manual, I saw no section which suggested that repeatedly whacking a child on the butt would aid in having said child go down for a nap more readily. It would seem to me that the stinging sensation associated with said beating would preclude the transition into a restful sleep period.

If anyone reading has a different experience with the butt-spanking sleep-aid methodology, please email me or reply here with a comment on the details.


PEW: hey, i know you were happy with the accountant but.... John is out of work right now.......do you think we could let him do our taxes......
LM: I'd prefer not. I'm not sure he is as "carefully creative" as [our CPA]. And I'm not switching on the basis of charity. Sorry.
PEW: John is great. well he's one of my oldest friends and he's a great accountant
LM: I'm also not fond of friends being knowledgable about my personal finances.
PEW: oh well......i guess I have no choice then
LM: I don't know what there is to discuss. I am sympathetic to John's plight. But we have a highly established, reputable firm which is taking care of our business.
PEW: well I don't understand your loyalty to [CPA firm].
LM: Here it is: highly established, reputable firm which is taking care of our business.


A fairly straightforward explanation if I do say so myself. I gave the irresponsible spender and money-manager a reasonable explanation and hoped against hope that would suffice. That doesn't work. I'll assume, probably correctly, that she either flat-out promised "John" the business or led him to believe the switch would be a no-brainer. A failure to convince me would mean having to call back John and tell him no... keeping my interminable streak of "bad guy" going strong.


PEW: do you really think they would take better care of us than John
LM: I know I'm not like you in wanting to keep my personal finances private.
PEW: doubt it
LM: But that's the way I am.
PEW: whatever.......our finances would be as private as they are with [our CPA] doing them. you've never even met john
LM: It isn't about personality PEW. Stop badgering me because you want to help out a good friend.
PEW: no shit
LM: Please.
PEW: he's not your friend....he's mine
LM: I know.
PEW: so your finances would still be private
LM: PEW - the answer is no. Sorry. Your friend's unemployment isn't compelling enough a reason for me to switch.
PEW: well he's been an accountant for 20 years...... he was with the same firm for 15 years..... a Jr partner
LM: You told him that you would ask me didn't you? And now you're going to make me out to be an asshole because I don't want to. Is that what this is about? LM is an asshole. Sorry John. I tried. Right?
PEW: no he didn't ask me
LM: Did you offer?
PEW: no
LM: Then I don't know what more you want from me.
PEW: he has class not like you
LM: I appreciate his credentials. I'm not compelled to switch at this point.
PEW: i can't stand you
LM: Good bye.
PEW: you have been such an asshole lately.


Fact is, she's a liar on all counts.

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