The Psycho Ex Wife

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Today’s post is a two-for-one since both topics were discussed during the same IMversation.

Part I: The Wrecked Car - is short, but interesting nonetheless. PP, the ex sister in-law, I was soon to discover - had periods of black-outs during her alcohol and pill abusing periods.

During a visit to her parents in mid-July of 2003, we were leaving the cookout and walking past PP’s car (actually a loaner from EE, the ex father in-law) I noticed that the left side suffered damage and both the front and rear rims were wrecked. I’m not sure how the tires weren’t flat. I’ve damaged car rims hitting lifted & exposed railroad tracks at 40 miles per hour and those rims weren’t nearly as bad as her rims. She clearly had hit something with tremendous force.

I looked up at her not realizing that EE was outside as well and I exclaimed, Holy crap! What the hell did you hit?!?! She gave me the exclamatory “SHUT UP” look. Surprisingly, at the time, she told me she didn’t know. I questioned how it was possible that she didn’t know given the level of damage, but quickly let the conversation die. Let me tell you, when I hit those railroad tracks, it sounded like a bomb went off inside my car. While the rims were damaged, they weren’t nearly as bent as hers were.

The next day, I asked PEW about it…

LM: So do you believe your sister “doesn’t remember” or “doesn’t want to tell.”
PEW: i’m not sure
LM: Has she ever told you ANY story before where “she didn’t remember” what she did? “I went home with a guy last night, but I don’t remember…” “I don’t remember how I got home, but I know I didn’t drive…” “I don’t remember the last half of [Nephew’s] Party” I think she knows… but doesn’t want to tell.
PEW: she tells me stuff like that all the time
LM: Okay.
PEW: she’s a grown woman……what can I do? I can’t forcer her to tell me
LM: Nothing. I was just idly speculating.
PEW: i already told her I don’t believe her

This was all news to me, even if it wasn’t all that shocking. What was shocking was the realization that leaving Aunt PP alone with the children was always a bone of contention between us and even at this point in time, PEW was STILL lobbying that it was safe to leave one or both of them alone with her.

Somehow, PP managed to keep the car damage from dear drunk daddy and get it fixed. It wouldn’t surprise me to hear that somehow I was the one who paid for the fix given the vanishing finances from my own household.

Part II: The Bachelor Part - is wild, but not for the reasons you might suspect.

My youngest brother was getting married and the bachelor party was going to be a weekend event several hours away from home. My oldest brother and I were going to go together. We could stay at our mother’s home, which was in close proximity to where the festivities were to be taking place.

I was almost always a designated driver at such events and chauffeur to many, if not all. It kept me sober, out of trouble… and kept more than my share of friends and family out of trouble, too. I did this for both of PEW’s brothers, more than one friend, and that was my main purpose for this event, too. On top of that, it has proven to be way more fun watching others make retards of themselves, vomit, get shot down testing their “mojo” on unsuspecting chicks at bars, or turn into complete boneheads at a strip club… not that any of those things took place during this particular event. *ahem*

I “reserved” this particular weekend more than 6-weeks in advance and during those 6-weeks I was sure to remind PEW about that particular weekend. Needless to say, at the 11th-hour, PEW suddenly had some plans which she expected me to alter mine to accommodate. I didn’t.

PEW: i’ll be leaving around 12:30. so what’s the latest you think you’ll be
LM: 12:30. Sunday? PEW… I don’t know. I’m sure traffic will be murder.
PEW: ok
LM: I don’t know the extent, in terms of duration, of the party.
PEW: whatever
LM: Additionally, I can’t get a straight answer out of CAM because he ain’t talked to [wife] yet. In terms of us going together, separate, or what. I may get bored and leave at a reasonable hour (during the evening). I simply don’t have a clue.
PEW: well I don’t understand why you can’t say to me…..at the latest i’ll be home…..4pm… 5pm. whatever
LM: Because what happens if I’m not?

Smart guy I am! I actually know the answer to this question. I suppose I wanted to see if she would be honest about what the answer was.

PEW: but people with children just don’t go away for weekends when they have a spouse who also has commitments and stuff and say….. sorry I can’t help you…..on your own
LM: Whoa. This may be the first time I’ve done anything not involving my family that lasts two days. I’m not sure when your plans were made… but I reserved this weekend more than a month ago.
PEW: maybe we should talk via the phone….because I don’t want this misconstrued……
LM: ok
PEW: what’s that supposed to mean…..you haven’t done anything with your family that involves a whole weekend? have I? i’m confused
LM: No no… you’re missing my point. If you make plans to do something… say… a girl’s weekend getaway… If plans come up for me… I say, “sorry, can’t make it.” I am really sorry I can’t commit to a time home. But I don’t know who, if anybody, I will be driving. When the party ends. When I will wake up from sleep. And I am absolutely NOT going to pick a time, not knowing, because if I miss it, then there will be a problem. The last thing I want to do is cause a problem.
PEW: well I’m not putting pressure on you to be home at a certain time….but
I have to get a sitter. and there’s a difference between needing one for an hour. or 6 hours. if it’s six hours i won’t go to the shower
LM: I know that.
PEW: if it’s an hour or two i’ll go
LM: If it was someone else… not my brother… I would say… “I’ll probably stay for a while and come home.” Or if it was local. But assmeg didn’t want it local, so that makes it inherently more difficult.
PEW: well it’s not difficult……you go Friday….come home Sunday….by 2 or 3 and you tell your brothers that’s your plan. you guys always make everything so difficult…..(you and your brothers)
LM: I’m just waiting for information. And I’m sorry that it doesn’t help with the arrangements. Really. But it’s my youngest brother. Last to get married. I apologize that it’s a problem, but I simply don’t know when I’ll be home.
PEW: what does that have to do with anything……the world didn’t stop revolving when my brothers got married
LM: There world isn’t now, either. Look, I reserved this weekend a long time ago. If it impinges on your plans, I’m sorry. When I find out more concrete information, assuming I even do, I will pass it along.
PEW: well you can’t freakin reserve a whole weekend when you have kids
LM: Yes, I can.
PEW: you have to have some game plan
LM: Do you reserve a whole weekend when you go away with the girls?
PEW: NO
LM: Okay. You don’t go away on Friday night and come home on Sunday?
PEW: you’re un….fucking believeable. unbelieveable

PEW’s wires always got crossed when faced with the reality of her inherent hypocrisy. She was always a “do as I say not as I do” person. This is just another example. I had the courtesy to give her more than a month’s advanced notice, which is not a courtesy I ever got when the roles were reversed. When confronted with this reality, it’s “off to the races” with her mouth.

LM: Okay, here…
PEW: once
LM: I’ll be home at 9PM on Sunday.
PEW: I went away once and I was home pretty early. and I didn’t leave until late Friday
LM: Since when is frequency or when you left the issue? I picked a time. 9PM. I’m very confident I’ll be home by 9PM on Sunday.
PEW: asshole
LM: Is that necessary?

She asked me for a time. At least I had the good sense to pick a time where I was about as close to 100% certain I would return. However, we all know that any chosen time that wouldn’t allow her to go to this shower at the last minute would be the wrong answer.

PEW: i wonder if your other brothers are responding this way to their wives with children
LM: What way am I responding?
PEW: you think VAM said to [his wife]…..I’ll be home when I’m home. no i don’t think so
LM: Did I just not pick a time?
PEW: an CAM’s wife is going to be 10 minutes away down there
LM: I don’t care what she is doing.
PEW: yeah and now i’ll have to cancel my plans
LM: I don’t care what [VAM’s wife] thinks or what VAM does with her.
PEW: because of the time you picked. i know
LM: You knew at least 6 weeks ago… that I was going to be burning this whole weekend. 6 weeks, at least.
PEW: because i’m the only one who deserves to be treated like an asshole. who cares
LM: How am I treating you like an asshole?
PEW: i was invited to something and i’d like to go and I can’t go if your not going to be home until 9 but you don’t care right
LM: I’m sorry. I made plans.
PEW: well i’ll remember this
LM: Every RARE once in a while, we’ll have separate plans that don’t jive. This could be the first time EVER.
PEW: PLEASE
LM: Forget it.
PEW: no you forget it
LM: Go on, freak out. Call me names more. That’s adult.
PEW: i’m gonna call [them] and find out when their husbands said they are coming home
LM: Go for it.
PEW: and see if they got treated like this
LM: Treated like what? It’s always about you. How you’re “treated.” You press me for a time. I give you one. And I’m “treating” you some way. Your histrionics are ridiculous. I’m sorry, but like me, you can’t always attend everything you want to attend.
PEW: no…..you’re ridiculous LM. no shit
LM: If you make plans for a weekend, I don’t go places.
PEW: I don’t attend alot of shit. ok. whatever
LM: Now, I’d appreciate it if you would stop breaking my ass on this issue because it conflicts with your plans.
PEW: my friend’s bachelorette weekend is 8/16…..i’m going
LM: Which came AFTER this was already set.
PEW: all weekend. mark it on your calendar. i’ll cancel the shower. i wasn’t going to go to the bachelorette thing. but she’s my last single friend
LM: Ah yes… the childish “tit for tat” reply.
PEW: we’ve been friends for over 20 years. i’m going. 8/16
LM: What makes you think I would stop you?
PEW: whole weekend
LM: Super.
PEW: make a note of it
LM: Done. You’ve gone away for whole weekends (more than once, by the way) before.
PEW: well if you had been a little moree helpful with the shower
LM: Am I supposed to be upset about this? I have nothing planned that weekend. Go have a great time.
PEW: i would not have gone to the bachelorette. i certainly will. i always do
LM: Super. No problem.

It’s like dealing with another child.

We went, had a great time. Stayed out of and kept everyone else out of trouble. Everyone got home safely. That’s how it’s supposed to be.