Something Sweet Turned So Sour

The PEW would often leave me in an embarrassing lurch. I remind you of this in the event you hadn't realized it to this point. The holiday season of 2002 wasn't unlike any other holiday season. There was one exception. With all of my siblings now married, engaged, or otherwise involved with someone, Christmas was one holiday that we didn't alternate. Christmas festivities were held at our house on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day, we would all scatter to our respective partner's family households.

This year, PEW decided she wanted to change things up under the interesting and admirable notion that the children were only young once and she preferred that we really just focus on them and not this big entertaining gig. At the time, I didn't realize that this meant not having a celebration with my family but retaining the celebration with her family, but then, I made a lot of really stupid choices didn't I? Of course, I also didn't realize a thing about borderline personality disorder and isolating one from their family and friends is on their menu of relationship destruction.

The opening of this particular example I believe was rooted in her desire to attempt to adopt one of the troubled children who was a client where she worked. That is another horrible debacle in and of itself... story for another day. The question came out of nowhere. (11/22/2002)


PEW: do you think that you could love a child that is not your blood like he or she was your own
LM: I have no clue. I have to believe yes. The only thing one can't do, is lie in bed like I did last night... I was on your side of the bed... He was awake, watching Charlie Brown... And I was just staring at how perfect his face was. And how stunningly beautiful our boys are. And how amazing it was that he is mine. And trying to picture his face 5, 10, and 15 years from now. There is a deep deep connection there that I believe can only be had with your own. But I'm sure that I can love any child right up to that point. Which is a lot, from my perspective.
PEW: Awwww that's so sweet. I agree
LM: I was just studying him. I do that a lot. Even when he is talking right to me.
PEW: you have such a way with words
LM: His facial expressions... everything. I just want to notice all of it. And remember all of it.
PEW: they are so cute. the only reason I asked is because there are so many people in this world....who can't even love their own children. it's so sad. not like we love our children


REALLY?!?!


LM: We need to talk aboiut Xmas eve. Dad & C.... won't be around for a Saturday event.
PEW: what do you want to talk about
LM: What we want to do. I actually had visions of us having people over but we baked a lotta cookies, had some wine and stuff, and then at some pre-determined time, we all sit down upstairs... and read Christmas stories. EVERYONE. Kids and Adults. We pick out like a dozen stories and everyone takes turns reading one. But then I thought people are gonna think that's dumb and not want to do it.


It's clear I had given this some thought and had some ideas that would meet the criteria for focusing on the children in some sort of fun way. I did truly think it would be a nice change from having a party where the adults did their usual thing and the kids did their usual thing and do something a little more involved.


PEW: well.....if you want to do something....it has to be completely centered around the kids. or I don't want to do it
LM: What do you think of the above? The stories and stuff?
PEW: I think that's a great idea. i really don't care if people think it's dumb
LM: lol. No big dinner thing. Not even pizza. Just like wine and cheese.
PEW: i have about 5 years only of this fun stuff....until some kid at their school tells them there's no santa
LM: Bake cookies. Dogs downstairs. I think we could do that and have everyone OUT by 10 at the absolute latest.
PEW: sooner than 10 would be much better for me


Of course, it's all about her. If it was her family, a sleep-over would be okay, though. How about this, PEW, why don't we just ask my family to drive-by, we'll have the children in the window and they can wave at each other for Christmas. Would that be quick enough for ya?


LM: I know... I'm thinking WORST case scenario. Think about it...
PEW: we also need to think of activities for the kids. books will only keep them busy so long
LM: We'll talk more later, find out if we REALLY BELIEVE it would be doable.
PEW: but you and MJM aren't going to stay up till 2am playing sega right?
LM: Right. We can do that on the weekend or something.


This became sort of an annual tradition. My brothers and I would drag out the old video game systems like Intellivision or Atari 2600. After the kids were in bed, we would all hang out down in the rec-room and play these ancients of the videogame genre and laugh our asses off at some of the memories. (For the record, we were partial to Intellivision. Atari was awful by comparison.)


PEW: and the four of us will spend quiet family time together right?
LM: Right. Again, I have my doubts that we can pull of my above described plan. Just wanted to toss it out there. Just keep in mind... With my family spread out all over the Eastern Seaboard... I'm not totally thrilled with chopping our get together out, but agree with settling things down to enjoy the kids build-up to Christmas.
PEW: I wasn't chopping your get together out. we were post poning it till the weekend. we are going to go to dinner with your Dad the day before
LM: I understand that, but my father is up the first-half of the week, not the last half.
PEW: we're having thanksgiving with your family. so I never said your dad and c..... couldn't come over on christmas eve
LM: I know I know.
PEW: i just want to spend time with my boys. don't get me started
LM: Why do you have to get all spazzy? Cripes. Sorry I said anything.


I would have much preferred to do what we usually did. Forgive me for expressing mild disappointment at the change, but again - I was more than willing to give it a whirl. Also, we spent every Christmas Day (unfortunately) with her crazy-assed family. Why she brings up Thanksgiving I don't know because we always alternated that and it really has no bearing on what we usually did at Christmas.


PEW: because you're like...i'm not totally thrilled about chopping our get together out. I made a simple request. Simple. maybe if every year you didn't wind up playing video games and getting drunk I wouldn't have a problem with it
LM: Excuse me?
PEW: excuse me?
LM: Getting drunk? Last year, the running joke was that I wouldn't play with those guys.
PEW: ummm yeah
LM: I watched a little bit... but played none. And I've never EVER "gotten drunk." EVER.
PEW: bullshit
LM: You know what... stop. I can't stand when you do this.
PEW: you stop. it's always about you
LM: You make up shit. Just to start a war.
PEW: it's not my fault your Dad lives in [another state]
LM: And I'm sick of it. I NEVER SAID IT WAS! Stop getting so nuts. I'm sorry if it "hurts you" that I like to have the family get together like that. But don't go accusing me of "playing video games and getting drunk" Cuz that is a frigging lie.
PEW: I asked nicely if we could not do major entertaining on christmas eve.....can we do it on the weekend....
LM: Shut up!
PEW: but that's too much to ask. don't tell me to shut up
LM: I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING EXCEPT EXPRESS MILD DISAPPOINTEMENT AT THE CHANGE AND YOU ARE SPAZZING
PEW: well......i thought this subject was closed
LM: You owe me an apology for the drunk comment. Until then, I'm not speaking to you. I've had enough of your shit. Thanks for nothing.


An uncanny ability to button-push. I, of course, would let it affect me. She could just toss out any old made up accusation and I would still get defensive, as if it mattered. The drunk comment is complete fiction. It just never happened any Christmas. Ever. Yet, all she had to do was accuse it and I would respond.

Had I only learned about low-contact earlier than 2005.

JUST HEAR THOSE SLEIGH-BELLS RING-A-LING, TING-TING-TING-A-LING, TOOOOOOO!

LOOKS LIKE ANOTHER SEASON OF MISERY AND MAYHEM WITH PEWWWWWWW...

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