PAS: Threats to Cut Off Phone Contact

I am a non-custodial parent of two young girls. My ex and I split a few years ago. I gave up primary custody of my own free will because I didn't want him to fear that he would lose his children. He was a loving dad. While he and I did not get along, he was always loving and affectionate towards his children. He demanded custody and and said so in no uncertain terms. I knew that if I tried to fight, it would mean court battles and emotional scars for the children. So, I let them go, trusting that by giving him what he wanted, he would respect my need for a continued relationship with the children. Big mistake.

It wasn't long before he moved out of state and now I hardly ever see my kids. Though I've have made several trips to see them, but it's barely a weekend per month. Toss in the exploding costs of gas, I've not been able to get there as much as I wish to. For the summer, I'll have primary custody.

What's the problem? I call my children twice a day after school and at bedtime. The conversations only last about 5 minutes. Sometimes the younger one doesn't want to talk and that's okay. However, it wasn't long before the ex decided that wasn't going to work and the kids would call me "whenever they were ready to talk." From there it was telling them that [my first name] was on the phone when I did initiate a call. The heartbreaker is that he has a new girlfriend and they already calling "mom" after a couple of months of dating!

My ex had never really come to grips with my leaving him. Until he decided to he was serious with this new gal (as "serious" as any couple can be after a few months, anyway), he was still begging for me to come back. Now, whenever we disagree he starts to insult me and threatens to stop the phone calls with the children on top of everything else. He always seems to have their favorite cartoon on or movie in and they don't want to talk on the phone. Even when I have asked him to kindly turn it off when we are talking, he won't do it. That is, if he even answers the phone in the first place.

I will continue to make the effort to keep regular contact with them, even if they don't want to talk. When I talk to them, it's never about their dad or the other woman. It's always things centered around or focused on the children - about school, or plans for the summer. It's so important until things change. Hopefully. I'll keep trying.

~Tina V.

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