I'm not even officially divorced yet. I'm afraid that my STBX (soon-to-be-ex) is turning my kids against me and making them think I don't love them. The custody battle is very high conflict and I have no doubts that the children would be better off if they were with me primarily.
My daughter is 7, and my son is 10. Not only does my wife have a new boyfriend - he has already moved into the house that I built for our family! The new(est) lover is taking my kids to their sports games and other activities and my children ignore me when I'm there. I strongly believe that it's because that they are afraid to upset their mother. I certainly don't want to cause a scene in a public place (or any place for that matter), but she's already threatening to file abuse charges against me and get a restraining order. She even mocks me that doing so is actually "way easier" that what we're going through now. She KNOWS the system is set-up to very easily push me out of the children's lives for an indefinite period of time.
On top of all of that, whenever I call, she's always making some excuse for the kids not to come to the phone. If they're in the tub, they're watching TV, or sleeping, or out playing "somewhere." I'm really worried that they're being brainwashed against me. I've read about the Parental Alienation Syndrome, and I think it may be going on. I want what is best for my kids, and I really fear that I am already losing them!
What can a dad do?
~GZ
Friday, April 25, 2008
PAS: I Fear I'm Losing Them
Labels: parental alienation awareness day 2008, parental alienation syndrome, PAS
Posted by Mister-M at 4:45 PM
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1 comments:
I have been in this battle for almost 12 years.
And all you can do is - be there. They will eventually see the truth.
Yet do not think for a second that it will be easy. It will break your heart repeatedly.
Every single visit I have had - then it ended - I ended up in a mood anywhere between annoyed and total emotional break down.
Yet - what else can a man do ?
You cant abandom them - cant forsake them - cant be drawn into the slime of the arguments.
Maintain Honor.
And if your divorce is not yet final - dont let all the words fool you - I have a "Shared Paranting Agreement" ........... it means nothing. At the end of every day - she owns them - I rent them.
The law says I am to be included in EVERY decision .............. in 12 years - that has never once happened. To her - including me means, send me a check for $X for medical espenses , that I dont even get to see the insurance coverage on.
And so you know - I pay about a thou a month in support - which is about 400 a month too much based on her income that just HAPPENED to increase 30 days after the divorce (and 93 days before it), and mine that has never changed since I am disabled.
So stop trying to 'win'.
Accept the facts, and know that in SOME end - you behaved with honor - it is the only thing no one can take from you.
Someone can ruin your reputation, your finances, your self-esteem, and your faith in people. But NO one can take away your honor. You can give it away - but no one can force you to lose it.
I hope this helps in some way.
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