PAS: #1 Goal - Use Children to Hurt Father

Dear LM and DW,

Wow!!!!! I am writing you this email because after finding your site, by going to google and typing in psycho ex-wife (maybe more in desperation than anything) I started to read about my life and that of my fiance's.

What you describe is almost the same as what we go through with my fiance's ex. I will call him JS and her NF. There are 2 boys BB and SB. BB is 10 and SB is almost 18. The divorce was finalized over 1-1/2 years ago, but the ongoing legal harrassment has continued to this day, she has now convinced the State's Attorney to prosecute JS for "misuse of a telephone" although over the past 10-months she has called his cell over 90 times and our home phone at least that many times.

This takes a toll on us financially, as we have to pay an attorney to defend JS. We have completely stopped all forms of communication with her, because she does exactly what you describe. If JS says "black" she says "white". We share the same concerns about all aspects of child rearing with you, but know that if we say ANYTHING she will double or triple the bad parenting.

She gained sole custody by convincing the judge that her and JS could not communicate. Now 1-1/2 years later BOTH boys are failing school. BB is to be held back in 4th grade, and SB has straight E's and looks like he wont graduate. SB is totally alienated from JS and has not spoken to his father since the divorce.

In my opinion, you will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER be able to reach PEW. Your best bet is to work with your children to give them the skills they need to survive her bad parenting. She will ALWAYS do the opposite of whatever you say. Because her goal will always be to continue the negative conversation, because just like a small child, in the mind of a a PEW - negative interaction is better than NO interaction.

We believe that she spends almost 24/7 trying to find new and better ways to get to JS. She even recently started working for a local police department, either in a Admin-type position or as a dispatcher, to further her cause. She spies on us, she spies on my children - I have 4 daughters ages 10, 18, 21, and 24. The two oldest do not live at home. But the younger ones are the same ages as hers, and go to neighboring schools. She even tries to befriend my daughter's friend's parents!!!!

I could go on and on......... But you know the story. This is most definately a personality type. Only an immature, narcissistic person could hurt their own children to cause another person pain. That is their number one goal in life.

We do not know what else to do, or where to go to get help. I do not know of any support groups in my area that deal with this type of person. There are times I feel like our involvement with BS, only leads to her torturing him more. She rips that boy in half, he is a traitor for loving his father.

I would love to know if there are any answers, or solutions, or new things to try. Because it seems like NOTHING will make her stop this. It's her number one goal in life - to use the children to hurt the father. SICK.

Thank You,

TC and JS

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