Holding Hands is CHILD ABUSE!

Continuing now from Friday's post...

The escalation is underway due to my decision not to respond to her earlier unprovoked, mindless, antagonistic email from the 20th.

This very morning I received another email from PEW and she is raising the level of antagonism in order to prompt a reply. As tough as it is, one will not be forthcoming. There are some things in there that I'd like to address, but as with most issues - she really doesn't care and there is no explanation that would satisfy her alleged concerns. There never was.

To satisfy my compulsion to reply, I will break this down afterwards to show you what the replies to each item would be if I were still stuck in "defensive explain myself" mode.

LM,

you still haven't responded about monday? the court order says I have the "right of first refusal" you're the guy who put that clause in there....so I suggest you respond in kind.

I am so tired of the bs that has been going on....now they tell me that you said they can't bring their wrestlers over there??? what the frig are they supposed to do? they're not allowed to watch tv....no video games...no fun....they have no toys....your girl is mean to them....answer me for God's sake...do you want to be in court again? because that is what is going to happen soon and this time I am going to INSIST that Judge Contempt talk to these children. LM, I haven't liked this arrangement from day one and I've been collecting evidence of WHY it is not working..........if you want it to stay this way I suggest you consider a few things....did you look at their grades since you came.....on your weeks they do terrible on their tests!!! On my weeks they do great. You are ridiculously strict......they are BOYS...making them hold hands when they fight??? I do NOT want to hear that AGAIN. Who thought of that? That is the gayest thing I have ever heard....S1 is amost 10....for God's Sake.....what are you trying to do? I have told a dozen people about that and they all said what I was thinking and that is...it's almost child abuse making a child S1's age and maturity level hold hands??? I'm not going to let you do this LM. I've invested way too much already to just sit back and expect you to be semi-normal.....you're not. You are really weird and so is your girlfriend. I am not going to let you screw up these boys. If you can't be sort of normal then you should just go away. I have to say again what I've said all along....where are you getting your parenting tips from?? do you even have a mind of your own anymore? You need to grow some balls and tell your girl that you will raise your boys your OWN way....because frankly you're raising them like "Nancy Boys"...for God's sake LM what are you thinking??? I'm 99% certain that the only reason DW's kids are semi normal is because of POE...you need to grow some "you know whats" and parent your OWN kids because they way I see it now is that OUR kids are the "red headed step children".......and I don't like it LM. S1 is about two years away from being able to legally decide on his own....and it's not looking good for you. Do you know that? When he turns 12 he can decide on his own where he wants to be.

I want to know why they complain about DW so much? why does she never hug and kiss them and tell them she loves them?? that's not because of me LM because I would love nothing more than for her to love them??? What the hell is going on over there? does she hate your children or what?

This is an adult. A mother of two. "Nancy Boys." "Gayest." When we speak about Borderline Personality Disorder, we often speak of how their maturity became stunted early on. You can see from the way she handles situations that this is true. You can see from the language she uses, this is true.

Breaking it down...

you still haven't responded about monday? the court order says I have the "right of first refusal" you're the guy who put that clause in there....so I suggest you respond in kind.

Yes, actually, I have. You see, the "right of first refusal" clause is in place if I need to secure childcare for some reason (other than an illness or similar). The key point here is if I needed it. I don't. The ROFR clause doesn't say I have to keep re-explaining myself. The ROFR clause doesn't say I have to continue to tell her that I will be home with the children. The ROFR does say that if I needed childcare services (including if DW was going to be watching them), I have to give her the chance to provide that care.

Also - I happen to know for a fact that she has had her sister watch them without having called me first. Interesting how accusatory the guilty can be.

Bottom line - I don't have to tell her that I am doing the childcare. I only have to tell her when I'm not.

I am so tired of the bs that has been going on....now they tell me that you said they can't bring their wrestlers over there??? what the frig are they supposed to do? they're not allowed to watch tv....no video games...no fun....they have no toys....your girl is mean to them....

Last week, a number of things occurred regarding wrestling and their wrestling action figures. I've been very clear about her allowing the children to overindulge in WWE wrestling because it's adult television, not 6YO and 9YO television. It's just not.

#1 - A near fight ensued during recess where one child asked S1 to perform a dangerous wrestling maneuver on him. That's right, the kid asked S1 to perform the move on him. Strange, but true.

#2 - When playing with their action figures, they were SLAMMING them down on the tables and hardwood floors. They had repeatedly been warned against doing this. I had no problem with them doing it on the sofa cushions, chair cushions, or their beds - surfaces that don't sound like repeated gunfire when the action figures are spiked off of them and don't damage property.

#3 - Which resulted in my banning them from bringing the action figures to the house: the two boys closed the bedroom door and were doing exactly what I had told them not to do - performing wrestling moves on one another. S2 got hurt and was crying.

Now, I cannot control what goes on in her house. I cannot control her inability to discipline. I can only control what goes on in our home and I think that the boys' repeated warnings over the course of the last few months were more than enough.

As for the rest - no, we don't have video games. They get enough at her house. They have toys. They have radio controlled cars and trucks. We have games. We have loads of books. They watch enough television (just not WWE and "Cops" and that trash). They have fun.

What I think the problem is here is that they also have responsibilities. They also have consequences for their actions (both good and bad). That probably makes my home less fun for them. Too bad.

I pray that this course of discipline will not upset any readers, resulting in email explanations about how banning their WWE action figures will stifle their upbringing or otherwise upset the balance of nature.

answer me for God's sake...

I've said it before and I'll say it again - this is precisely what it's about. Her. No one else.

do you want to be in court again? because that is what is going to happen soon and this time I am going to INSIST that Judge Contempt talk to these children. LM, I haven't liked this arrangement from day one and I've been collecting evidence of WHY it is not working..........if you want it to stay this way I suggest you consider a few things....

We're well aware that it has been quite a long time (at least in our terms) since we have been to court. DW and I have discussed that we anticipate that this period of no-court should be coming to an end soon. Here come her threats again.

did you look at their grades since you came.....on your weeks they do terrible on their tests!!! On my weeks they do great.

I have no idea what she is talking about.

#1 - Almost everything I have seen has been fantastic and nothing has been poor. Both boys have been doing extremely well in school.

#2 - With exception of spelling tests, what PEW doesn't get is that most testing occurs early in the following week after schoolwork, homework, and study. Even if what she claims was factual (and it's not) - PEW, genius that she is, doesn't realize that the test results that occur in her week are based on work and study that happened the prior week.

#3 - I've gotten nothing but good reports from the teachers.

#4 - Their 2nd-marking period grades (both children) improved over their first marking period grades. 50/50 shared custody began... right at the beginning of the 2nd-marking period. PLUS physical incidents have dramatically decreased overall, and only ONE has occurred during my custody time. Why? Because there are consequences.

You are ridiculously strict......they are BOYS...making them hold hands when they fight??? I do NOT want to hear that AGAIN. Who thought of that? That is the gayest thing I have ever heard....S1 is amost 10....for God's Sake.....what are you trying to do? I have told a dozen people about that and they all said what I was thinking and that is...it's almost child abuse making a child S1's age and maturity level hold hands??? I'm not going to let you do this LM. I've invested way too much already to just sit back and expect you to be semi-normal.....you're not.

This is really too funny for words. A buddy of ours, our business attorney actually, gave me this idea. He's used it for a while and has had extremely positive results - and I actually strongly recommend this to any parent. When the kids are fighting and are not responding to warnings to cease and desist, I intervene. No beatings. No threats. No punishments. I don't take anything away. What do I do? I tell them that since they are treating each other so poorly, they need to hold hands for 5-minutes.

I've used nothing before nor since that has defused a situation as fast. It has never lasted 5-minutes. What happens is, they stop what they are doing, join hands, sometimes grudgingly, sometimes with me, and sometimes with me just sitting on the chair next to them with a big grin on my face. They look at each other. Then, they crack up laughing. Fight over. No aggravation between them or for us. All is typically forgotten.

QUICK! SOMEBODY GRAB A PHONE AND CALL CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES!!!

I'm guessing from her language that she believes this course of action will turn them homosexual or something. Here also is another flip-flop between "they are babies" and "they are mature." Whatever suits her argument at the moment is what they are.

You are really weird and so is your girlfriend. I am not going to let you screw up these boys. If you can't be sort of normal then you should just go away. I have to say again what I've said all along....where are you getting your parenting tips from?? do you even have a mind of your own anymore? You need to grow some balls and tell your girl that you will raise your boys your OWN way....because frankly you're raising them like "Nancy Boys"...for God's sake LM what are you thinking??? I'm 99% certain that the only reason DW's kids are semi normal is because of POE...you need to grow some "you know whats" and parent your OWN kids because they way I see it now is that OUR kids are the "red headed step children".......and I don't like it LM. S1 is about two years away from being able to legally decide on his own....and it's not looking good for you. Do you know that? When he turns 12 he can decide on his own where he wants to be.

This was a tough read. From where I'm sitting, it seems that she is saying that our children are not normal. She is also delusional again because:

- Other than the few times during exchanges from years ago, I can count on one hand how many times she has had any interaction with DW's children (and that was relegated to "hi" from outside of a car.)

- She has never met POE and has no idea what he is like. None. Not one shred of information.

- POE's household is run with the same rules as ours, so DW's children behave so well because they know what to expect. They have never been in trouble at school, never hit someone, and both received awards including the Principal's Award and Citizenship Award at school. According to the PEW, the fact that we have them 50% of the time should make them awful children like she perceives ours to be apparently.

- This is a quality example of her uncanny ability to try to strike deep into your soul with her vitriolic attacks. Her viciousness has never known boundaries. I don't have any balls of my own. Everything I do is based upon what DW wants. I don't know how to parent. *yawn* More threats. Surprise, surprise.

I want to know why they complain about DW so much? why does she never hug and kiss them and tell them she loves them?? that's not because of me LM because I would love nothing more than for her to love them??? What the hell is going on over there? does she hate your children or what?

DW loves the children and is very concerned for their well-being. Both of us let the others' children take the lead on hugs and kisses so as not to make anyone feel uncomfortable. DW's children are quite affectionate to me. Not all the time, but plenty. S2 is generally about the same level of affectionate with DW. S1, though, while a very affectionate person, is very rarely affectionate towards DW. It's not overt, but I think it's because he is afraid that he is somehow harming mom. If DW were to force these things on the children, we have no doubts there would be accusations of sexual or other abuse. It's another clear no-win situation. Unfortunately, given past experiences, we have to stay on the legally safe side regarding physical interactions.

Given what you read, there is clearly parental alienation going on, so it's no surprise that one or both of my children would be leery of showing too much affection towards DW (especially). DW is always congratulatory for their accomplishments. She is always available to help with anything. She is always caring whether they are healthy or suffering from some illness. She is more involved in making sure the children are enrolled in healthy activities than their own mother. Funny how PEW doesn't want DW watching the children on the day they have off from school, yet we are to believe that she only wants DW to love the children. Delusional.

What I think the above represents is her fantasy. She sees things how they wish they would be out of an intense fear that she is "not a good parent" or doing something "not as well" as perhaps I do things. In order to compensate for her own shortcomings, she has to believe that I am so much worse than her and then it manifests itself in her delusional email diatribes.

I really do want to respond to her, specifically with regard to the WWE issue again, because all of my fears about their overexposure to that show are coming to pass. The problem is, she would totally disregard that reality because allowing the boys to watch that makes her "the better parent" in her eyes, and of course, at times in their eyes, too.

What she really needs to do is stop interrogating the children when they are with her. They're only going to be inclined to give her the answers she wants to hear which then prompts her attack-emails.

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