The Psycho Ex Wife

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Contrary to the relentless dissemination of anti-male hysteria by well-organized feminist groups, their political action committees, and spineless legislators led by lead feminist Joe Biden (D-De) - the reality is that women are just as likely as men to commit domestic violence. They are most likely to neglect and kill their children. If they’re not doing it, someone with whom they’ve shacked-up are involved is doing it with them or because they allow it to occur. In almost every case this is more than likely after the Divorce Machine has unceremoniously kicked the father out of the family and his children’s lives. Biological fathers are the least likely to abuse, neglect, or kill their children. The creation and passage of the Violence Against Women’s Act, a completely unconstitutional piece of legislation, has ensured a disgraceful level of funding and has put in place the tools any woman needs to destroy a man’s life. She has the full support and resources of federal and state governments to accomplish this, while misandrist organizations such as N.O.W. pat themselves on the back for a mission accomplished.

Their motto: “No matter the transgression - it will always be a man’s fault.” As a result, the man must pay.

• - Men pay with the loss of involvement with their children in an overwhelming majority of the cases.
• - Men pay with inordinately high child support orders in an overwhelming majority of the cases.
• - Men pay with higher sentences when convicted of crimes than women who commit the same crimes.
• - Men pay unnecessary punitive measures when they fall behind in child support while women rarely are punished in any meaningful capacity for custodial interference.
• - Men pay through paternity fraud (many unknowingly) which is an absolute crisis in this country, oftentimes saddled with decades-long financial penalties supporting children that were never theirs. Women are rarely arrested for paternity fraud and penalties are rarer still and weak at best.
• - False domestic violence accusations are an epidemic and mandatory arrest policies further the life-affecting damage on men. Women and children are adversely affected as well. Children lose a parent. They may lose their homes. Men may lose their freedom. Worse, people who do truly suffer domestic violence are at greater risk when when people waste the resources when making such fraudulent claims.

VAWA violates the Equal Protection clause of the 14th Amendment to the United States Constitution by providing obscene levels of federal funding to protect only one gender - women.

VAWA violates the principle of federalism of the 10th Amendment to the United States Constitution, infringing on state sovereignty.

The Civil Rights violations are numerous and yet this “act” is current law.

This systematic demonization of men has been 30+ years in the making has been shockingly successful. The message has been clear and drummed relentlessly into the public consciousness. There is no excuse for domestic violence against a woman! What has been missing from that equation are children and most especially - men. Men need to wake up and organize to reverse this mythology before it’s too late, assuming it’s not already too late.

Reality Check: WOMEN ARE JUST AS LIKELY AS MEN TO COMMIT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. Many recent, reputable studies have reinforced this reality.

From Martin S. Fiebert out of the Department of Psychology at Cal-State Long Beach comes such incredible information from References examining assaults by women on their spouses or male partners, including:

• Women were more likely than men to “use one or more acts of physical aggression and to use such acts more frequently.”
• Men suffered serious injuries in 38% of domestic violence cases.
• Men were 9-times less like to report domestic violence.
• 30% of men and 49% of women reported using some form of aggression in their dating histories with a greater percentage of women engaging in severe physical aggression.
• One comprehensive report of findings from international dating violence study which collected data from over 11,000 (70% women) college students from 50 universities in 21 countries. Subjects responded to the revised Conflict Tactics scale, gender hostility scales and injury scales. Findings reveal that women perpetrated greater partner violence than men, that women were more seriously injured than men and that hostility toward the opposite sex was significantly and similarly correlated with partner violence for men and women.

These are just a few samples from in excess of 100 which demonstrate the realities of domestic violence. This is reality, folks. For more reality, I strongly recommend the series of posts at Glenn Sacks’ site: From Ideology to Inclusion - Evidence-Based Policy (Domestic Violence Conference).

My message to men? It’s time to shed the tough-guy, I can deal with it attitude. If your partner or spouse batters you, call the police. Deal with the comments and snide remarks. If you’re not believed, call again next time, too - and keep calling. Don’t drop the charges, even though, for now, she may only get a slap on the wrist. If there is still time, participate in The Men’s Experience with Partner Agression Project. The figures above are very likely low due to the male penchant to avoid getting help. It’s why there is no “Violence Against Men’s Act.” It’s why there is no “Violence Against Person’s Act.” It’s why a “Men’s Domestic Violence Shelter” is as common as pregnant man. It’s why not one penny of the billions appropriated for VAWA is spent on equal protections for men.

I often wonder that if I didn’t see fit to hide my embarrassment and shame for what I was embroiled in and called the cops when the few times things got physical, I *might* have faired better in the early days of the divorce & custody battle. Maybe I wouldn’t have chosen to endure these experiences as long as I did. At least towards the end, I was smart enough to call the police when things started to deteriorate and escalate between us. It’s very likely why I managed to escape the false domestic abuse allegations that countless others have not.

On September 30, the Violence Against Women’s Act is scheduled to expire. This means that radical feminists and their misandry-pushing organizations such as N.O.W. will be engaging in a full-out media assault to dust off the false hysterical claims to vilify the male of the species and mobilize support for a renewal. Frankly, I’m saddened by the fact that so many follow leadership that has been so frequently embarrassed after having some of their scare-tactics and hysteria so effectively debunked by real facts.

Please don’t allow this to happen. What has transpired since its inception is nothing more than criminal and affects men, women, and children alike. It’s not too early to start contacting your state’s representatives and oppose any attempts to renew this unconstitutional travesty. Worse, Biden and his cronies in man-hatred, along with his radical feminist supporters have even considered spreading this scourge worldwide via I-VAWA which would see U.S. Taxpayer dollars spent overseas to spread this anti-male cancer across the globe. The rest of the world doesn’t need this type of poison spread throughout.

ACT NOW. Act against both the renewal of VAWA and the implementation of I-VAWA by contacting your legislators today, tomorrow, and as often as you can make the time between now and September. Click here to find out how to contact your representatives. If you care about men, women, and children in this country, your efforts are needed to defeat this. It’s devastating to families. It’s a burden on every citizen of this country. Help put a stop to it.

Mix in a little Psycho Ex-Wife and anything is possible!

Prior to the “Pearly Whites“ saga, was the 2-years prior dental visit for the children, which occurred in October of 2005. This was about a 1-1/2 years after our split and after I had moved about 3-1/2 hours away having been forced to sell the marital home. This, after exhaustive efforts to try to keep it to minimize the upset in the children’s lives.

Once I had relocated, it was as if anything that happened before that time ceased to exist. Anything and everything bad which occurred in PEW’s life was as a result of my relocation, which you’ll find whenever it is we happen to get this entire debacle “caught up.” I thought it good to toss out the predecessor to “Pearly Whites” to wrap-up it’s evolution.

What is interesting about this is that the dentist did take the insurance. The problem was, she kept giving them the health-insurance card and not the dental-insurance card.

—————
10/18/2005

LM,

I had to pay $255.00 out of pocket this morning for the dentist. Obviously if I send this form in they are going to send the re-imbursement to you. Can you pay me and I will give you the receipt to send in to your insurance company? I would really appreciate it due to the fact that I wasn’t expecting this expense and I am already paying $3000 for this evaluation this month.

Thanks,

PEW

I replied…

PEW,

As soon as the reimbursement check comes, I will send it directly to you.

You should have 6-months now to double-check which local dentist will handle the claim for us, otherwise, I can arrange to take them to the dentist here at some point next year.

~LM

Good question. Solid reply. Two grown-ups cooperating and communicating effectively. Right? Wrong! Her reply to the above, strangely enough, comes two-days later.

10/20/2005

LM,

Sure you will, that’s ok though because we’ll be meeting in court for my legal fees and the evaluation fee, so I’ll just keep track of all these little things.

Also, you are welcome to take them to the dentist down there, I never said not to. I think it would be great if you took part in their care every once in a while.

Also, S1 is definately allergic to something in hot dogs. He has had a bad reaction every time he’s eaten them over the past month. Last night, his face got all red, it looked almost like anphylaxis (don’t know how to spell it) and he was sick to his stomach until he finally threw up. Please make sure everyone knows not to let him eat hot dogs. It’s probably one of the preservatives or something, but the reaction has gotten progressively worse everytime.

PEW

There you have it. The vacuum-cleaner is on and I will be sucked into the fray with the snide-remarks.

Worthy of note, at the time, if the boys weren’t having hot dogs for approximately 10 of their meals per week, perhaps he wouldn’t have had a reaction, Nurse Anphylaxis.

LM - DON’T DO IT! DON’T DO IT!!! (sigh) - He did it.

PEW,

As much as you would like to believe yourself the martyr, I take great care of the children. And then, those few times where I need YOU to do that “co-parenting” you so often pontificate about but you never effectively participate in yourself… whether it’s his poor eating habits when he’s with you… following an appropriate rules set consistently… the gun-play and finding out what software gun and killing games your neighbor’s 6 year old is playing with S1 (or at the very least letting him watch)…

…you just ignore them, opting instead to continue to dwell on the past and start fights and name-call and re-write history to avoid accepting responsibility for the decisions you’ve made along the way.

I know that you can’t help yourself and I really pray for the day you can finally stop and get on with your life without all of the animosity and almost pathological desire to be combative with me.

~LM

—–

LM,

Keep telling yourself that, if it helps you sleep at night. Everytime I tried to do the co-parenting thing with you it blew up in my face.

As far as S1’s eating habits, did you read the evaluator’s report. Maybe you should read it again.

It’s interesting what you say here below because I haven’t made ANY bad decisions along the way. I simply did what I needed to do to get away from you. You are the one who thought of only yourself.

As far as moving on with my life, I have, but you make that as difficult as you possibly can by continuing with the custody evaluation after custody evaluation after custody evaluation. And your constant harrassment about stupid issues and continuing to tell people I am unstable etc..etc…etc… But that’s about to be cleared up once and for all and everyone will see how vindictive and hateful you really are.

Is it ever going to get any better than this?

PEW

Another creepy thing PEW often does is re-use phraseology that I often mindlessly used when debating with her. The “if it helps you sleep well at night” is one I (too) often used and then it would come back at me.

It’s interesting to note her upset at my sharing the stories with my support system. You can’t begin to imagine the things she would tell people, including the children, about me. Actually, you’ve seen some of them already, what the hell am I saying?

Also, exaggerate much? We, at that point, had 2-custody evaluations. #2 was required by the court over my objections. I was willing to take my chances with evaluator #1s horrendous effort. My objection was declined, of course, because forcing us into another country CE exercise meant more money for the Divorce Cartel. We were later forced by the court to go to evaluation #3 (and we chose to go private this time) because evaluator #2 “forgot” to detail in the report that I was going for primary custody. The judge ruled that she would not hear the case because that omission meant a guaranteed grounds for appeal by either side no matter how she ruled and she wasn’t going to waste the time hearing the case.

PEW - the issues over which I have expressed concern are not “stupid” issues and your categorizing them as such is yet another prime example of how uncooperative you truly are. You continue to revise history and lay the blame for all of your life’s trials and tribulations at my feet. Not only aren’t you honest with others, you’re not honest with yourself and that’s quite sad.

Any genuine concern of mine has been met with the usual and customary name-calling, blaming everything on my relocation, and rarely, if ever, met with any real consideration from you. Despite that, it is important that I continue to express my concerns as they arise and simply deal with your inability to set aside your personal issues with me to truly consider what those concerns mean for the children. Even with regard to the recent issues regarding the “gun play” topic - you probably couldn’t even explain to yourself how your ongoing, mean-spirit references to my non-existent “impotence” and calling DW “ugly” have anything to do with the issues that I bring up. I don’t bring up my personal life - you do - and you only do so to continue the verbal abuse and manipulation that plagued our entire relationship. You should stop it.

Maybe one day, we can discuss issues regarding our children without your campaign of name-calling and blame. Perhaps one day, you will hold your tongue when I want to discuss matters pertaining to the children and simply discuss - the children - and do so without your sarcastic tone.

~LM

As if that’s going to work.

LM,

I can’t even believe I am responding to you again……..you and DW insulted me on the phone, so I retaliated. Don’t even say that isn’t the case. And you were impotent, why would I make that up?? I’m very happy that DW cured you, but when you were with me you were. I guess it was me, but I never had to deal with that type of issue before I met you (or since).

I have cooperated with everything you have asked of me. There is no “gun-play” going on. He’s not playing video games over there. I always address your concerns…..always. The eating, exersize, consistency, distractions during phone calls….everything you’ve brought up, I have made efforts to remedy.

You are the one who is not honest with yourself or anyone else. This is called “Transferance” and it’s typical for you. Everything you say to me is exactly what you are guilty of. It’s actually kind of scary. Now stop emailing me AGAIN

PEW

Is that what it’s called, doctor? It’s called projection and your picture is next to the definition in Webster’s Dictionary.

DW has talked on the phone with PEW 2-times, if I remember correctly. Maybe it was once. Therefore, I’m certain that DW didn’t insult her and I’m pretty sure I didn’t.

So, there you have it. A discussion which was intended to be about a reimbursement for OOP dental expenses went from:

Dentist >>> Hot Dogs and “Anphylaxis” >>> Co-Parenting >>> Impotence.

It’s the path of insanity in which I was all-too-often a willing participant.

About a year ago I stumbled upon TableTopics. If you aren’t familiar, it’s a simple set of cards that have questions on them to stimulate conversation. We have always been big “family dinner” people and encouraged our children to talk about their day with us. We thought this would be great to draw out S1 and S2 as they really don’t communicate well and are often unable to comprehend that others even have feelings. It was quite disastrous when we started honestly, and S1 in particular was sent to his room several times after being unable to say anything nice about anyone and LM was frustrated beyond belief. After a year they have now begun ASKING to play TableTopics, and we enjoy doing so. Tonight at dinner S1 asked, and because our actual TT set was at our other home, we made up our own questions, which the kids find fun.

The questions started out simply enough:

S2 - who is 6 years old: Okay no one can ask what your favorite color is, we do that every time. (I had to laugh and pointed out that HE is the one that always asks, lol.)

S1: What is the coolest thing you have ever seen? (Answers range from Stonehenge to an Air Show.)

S1 goes again: What one thing happened to you that you thought would be good but which turned out really horrible?

LMFAO! Can you imagine the looks on our faces as we turned to each other and said: “we’ll continue to play this later.” No, LM did not say: Marrying your mother. Yes, LM wanted to, I assure you. Sometimes I hate having morals…

Strap on your helmets and buckle-up! It’s gonna be a rough ride!

Pay particular attention, as if you needed such direction after reading all the other stuff, how this starts out as another ludicrous argument about the sale of the home, then onto who does what around the house, and progresses to insulting me and my family before finishing up with a resounding explanation of who she should have married instead of me. Lucky me.

Anyway, our house isn’t on the market a month yet. We are in no rush to move as we have a baby due in May. We went into this with the intent to not be in a hurry, the school year ends in early June and most people are looking to move shortly thereafter. No rush. Nevermind that she started arguing inside of a week after listing. Now, we’re on the market less than 30-days and she wants to drop the price because of our impatient realtor.

—————–
PEW: did you see that new listing
LM: Yes. I think it is a “message” listing. How about you?
PEW: message?
LM: Same square footage. Similar amenities. $169K It’s in our neighborhood. The “message” is “lower your price”
PEW: most definately
LM: He’s annoying me. Send me a fucking listing I want to go see. Please. I don’t want to move into my own frigging neighborhood.
PEW: well I think we can forget selling our house while that one is listed
LM: Well… when people find out it backs up to the park… which is used many nights in the Summer and Fall with the BIG LIGHTS BLARING INTO THEIR BEDROOMS…
PEW: why would someone buy our house when they can buy something similar for 15k less
LM: …and the guys from the apartment complex playing soccer and drinking in there… perhaps not. Right behind the “loitering” 7-11.
PEW: the distance is negligable
LM: Actually… when they installed the lights at the park… the homeowners went berzerk.
PEW: and….most people moving to this neighborhood dont know about the apartments.
LM: Most homeowners will look. When they see the apartment complex across from their yard… they’ll find out by asking or driving by.
PEW: that still doesn’t make up for a 15k disparity in the price
LM: i know. Rancher? lol
PEW: well i’d like to either lower the price at the end of the week or take it off the market
LM: Okay. Whatever you want.
PEW: no the ball is in your court…what do you want?
LM: I want to let it ride a little longer.
PEW: you are unreasonable as usuall
LM: But, I don’t want you to be upset… so, you can take over. Funny… “whatever you want” is unreasonable… lol
—————

Insanity. Pure, unbridled insanity. I go straight into avoidance mode - giving her full decision-making power. She flips it back on me and I give her a straight-up answer. She responds that I’m being unreasonable.

To this day, I still don’t have a clue how I didn’t snap. I really don’t. I believe I have my children to thank for that. So does she.

—————
PEW: we had a flako come in here and tell us that she’d list the house for 195k…..then Realtor comes in and tells us $179k because the neighborhood has not seen over 180k…… frankly I think considering that you paid 120k……if you got 170k you should be happy because you haven’t put 50k into it…so i’m not sure where you are coming from
LM: Well… if we were in a crushing rush to get the hell out… I’d be inclined to lower it… as it stands… we aren’t in a crushing rush, and the Springtime lookers are just beginning to come out… but then, I never seem to know what the hell I’m talking about in your eyes… so I reiterate… Whatever you want.
PEW: i’m baffled
LM: Well… it depends on what you want to get.
PEW: you aren’t in a rush because you don’t have to do the cleaing
LM: Welcome to the world of preparing to move, PEW. Nobody said it was going to be either fun or easy. But hey… if lopping 15G is the answer to the cleaning woes… well then so be it.
PEW: i’ll tell you what I want…..I want to move out of this house…..it needs 15k in repairs that we don’t have….if I have to move to a smaller house tjat
—————-

A couple of interesting facts. First, I think that “the neighborhood hasn’t seen $180K” is a ludicrous argument. We ended up getting $175,000 for the home. A few months later, my neighbor put his house up for sale, about 2/3s the size of our home. It sold for $185K. Our home didn’t need $50K in repairs. It didn’t need $15K in repairs. What it “needed” was for her to spend that much to have ridiculous amenties that weren’t needed nor wanted. At settlement, it needed less than $1,000 worth of “L&I” attention and that was it.

—————-
LM: Well… I don’t make life-affecting decisions with such knee-jerk reactions. So, if you think that I’ll do it for your knee-jerk reaction, you are mistaken, I assure you.
PEW: knee jerk reaction?
LM: Yes… knee-jerk. “Too much cleaning.” “Too many things to fix” As if moving will somehow mean we won’t have things to fix.
PEW: i’m talking about cutting the price 5k, not 15k
LM: Then, you fail to consider that jackass hasn’t even brought us a low-ball, let alone something that gives us a sniff of asking price. Sorry - you threw out a figure of $170.
PEW: i knew that this wasn’t going to be fun but I was willing to bite the bullet so I could get out of this house that I hate
LM: Yes… and in less that 30 days… you are tearing me a new asshole and breaking my balls.
PEW: well maybe you should do a little more cleaning
—————-

THERE IT IS!!! Gear-shift #1. Now it’s no longer about selling the house, it’s about working around the house. Of course, back then, embroiled in it, I never saw it. I had the hook buried in my cheek, she set it, and I was already flopping around the poop-deck.

—————-
LM: I’ve been trying to chip-in more. Tell me what you need done… I’ll do it.
PEW: no you look at what needs to be done from now on and do it. i’m not your mommy
LM: When I look around, I don’t see a whole lot of cleaning… so if you’re going to bitch… you better be specific, otherwise, don’t bitch. (to be done)
PEW: well for one thing you never put the recyclables where they belong…. you think the fairy comes and takes trash away for you
LM: No. Sorry. Do you think that the energy fairy comes and turns out lights for you?
PEW: and i made half the bed this morning hoping that you would make the other half since you were standing right there…but you didn’t
LM: Geeze, and I left the furniture out the other night hoping that you would touch-up the interior corners, but you didn’t.
PEW: what lights?
LM: What recyclables?
—————

*shaking head*

—————
PEW: i had other shit to do. i’m hardly ever kicking back like you
LM: Me, too.
PEW: not just recyclables…trash. when you eat or drink the last of something you never throw the trash away
LM: I’ve been taking the trash out.
ng>PEW: i’ve been having problems with AT&T
LM: oh
—————

Huh? Totally off the wall, but there it is - gear shift #2! Now it’s about counseling and the physical abuse allegations again.

—————
PEW: anyway, if you haven’t done so yet, don’t cancel our appt for Friday. or thursday? what day was it
LM: Friday. I’m looking forward to another LM-bashing with a new counselor. Very excited.
PEW: i didn’t bash you? what are you talking about. be specific please
LM: I think next week, I’ll clarify all of the “physical abuse” I’ve perpetrated on you.
PEW: yes please do
LM: Like you kicking me in the chest first during that argument way back when.
PEW: clarify it for me too
LM: Then, the one where you had a bruised arm… that resulted when you fell, in a complete, drunken stupor, in the kitchen (when I broke the bottle of Vodka), and I was trying to get you up out of the glass.
PEW: yes you’ve always had justification
LM: And of course, the last one… where you did manage to describe it relatively accurately.
PEW: i had a broken finger and I didn’t even include that arguement in our discussion. you are sick
—————-

Yeah, a broken finger. Ask her if she saw a doctor. (She didn’t.) Ask her if she had an x-ray. (She didn’t.) Ask her if she had a broken finger and she’ll tell you yes, because that’s the delusion she creates in order to avoid accepting the reality that was her condition and her behavior that night. It’s been rearranged to be about fictional spousal abuse and not about her disgusting treatment of our house guests.

—————-
LM: The finger thing happened when I snatched the bottle of Vodka, which you happened to be CHUGGING at the time, out of your hands.
PEW: yeah and you were sober, right?
LM: This, after completely and totally embarrassing me in front of a good friend whom I hadn’t seen in several years. Yes, I was.
PEW: the friend that totally had the hots for you and still does, but i’m over it…..i wish i had let her have you at the time. i would have saved myself a shitload of heartache
LM: A figment of your imagination.
PEW: not my imagination…intuition
LM: Imagination.
PEW: intuition
LM: Your “intuition” is hardly justification for your actions that night. But I digress….
PEW: i had plenty of justification for that whole incident
LM: No… you didn’t.
PEW: yes…to an incident that i’m not aloud to talk about but you can right
LM: And I have to laugh at you claiming I ‘justify’ anything… when that’s all you ever do. You were justified in “mule-kicking” me in the chest.
PEW: and you’ve always been justified in putting your hands on me….. all 4 times yes i was…..
LM: You were justified in making a drunking scene in front of guests… then chugging vodka… Oh, now it’s FOUR times. lol
PEW: i was defending myself when you came at me screaming in my face
LM: Wrong.
PEW: yeah..the incident the night LD was here wasn’t included
LM: I was standing at the foot of the couch, screaming at you.
PEW: but if you want to include it…I will. bullshit
LM: You wouldn’t have been able to kick me in the pectoral muscle from a prone position if I was “in your face.”
PEW: there was the time we were arguing over keeping YOUR house….
LM: Save your histrionics for counseling. Your bantering has become tiresome.
PEW: and you were in the midst of browbeating me….
LM: Same old story, different rant, for no frigging reason. lol “browbeating.” lol
PEW: your justifying hitting me is going to backfire. fuck you
LM: Nope. I don’t justify any hitting.
PEW: right
LM: What I don’t like is your “innocent” spin. Like you do nothing.
PEW: hardly
LM: I just hit you. You kicked me, and I struck back.
PEW: I told [the counselor] that I kicked you
LM: The finger thing was an accident, trying to prevent you from drinking yourself into a coma. The bruise on your arm came when you rushed into the kitchen, and slipped on the wet, glass-laden floor.
PEW: oh yes…you’ve been such a wonderful, supportive mate
LM: I am.
PEW: you punched me in the arm the night we argued about this house
LM: You’re just going into “Dr. Jeckyll” mode right now, and I’m tired of doing this with you. What in the hell are you talking about?
PEW: please…you are the Dr. Jeckyll
LM: Now I punched you in the arm?
LM: Enlighten me.
PEW: you got a frigging screw loose
LM: When did this magically happen? Oh yeah… I have the screw loose. lol
PEW: yes when it was over I went behind the pool out back and I was hystE.l and you came out and begged my forgiveness. and said you’d never do it again. blah blah fucking blah
LM: Okay… that is a complete fabrication.
PEW: BULLSHIT
LM: When did this allegedly happen, now that you are magically increasing the number.
PEW: I SWEAR IT ON MY GRANDFATHER’S GRAVE
—————

Her poor grandfather. Ironically enough - dear old granddad was a serial abuser, too - that’s where her daddy learned it.

—————
LM: I’m sure by Friday… the beatings will have been monthly. Sure you do. Help me understand when?
PEW: yeah right
LM: I’d like to remember it.
PEW: we were arguing about keeping the house
LM: WHEN! WHEN when when when when.
PEW: it was 2 days b4 the settlement… and I said I wasn’t doing it…. you were freaking out……screamed in my face…..I kicked you and you punched me…..
LM: Sorry… I don’t remember that.
PEW: I ran out back…hystE.l and I was behind the pool and then you came out and said you’d never do it again
LM: Interesting, though… that you type that you kicked me, again, first.
PEW: you cried…..because you’re a good actor
LM: lol
PEW: yeah that’s real funny
LM: It is.
PEW: I kicked you because you were screaming in my face
LM: It’s funny that you would say such mean things.
PEW: and I”ll kick you again if you ever scream in my face
LM: Oh… so you’re “justifying” physical assault again, is that it?
PEW: what mean things?
LM: Interesting.
PEW: self defense
LM: Defense against yelling? You yell, it’s okay. When I yell back, it’s not okay. I get it.
PEW: you can’t come up in someone’s face and yell…especially with your history of family violence and expect that they won’t defend themselves
LM: So, o
ut of allegedly 4 times things got physical… you initiated the physical violence on two occasions…
PEW: no you did by screaming in my face….spitting i might add
LM: …one was an accident when I grabbed a bottle of vodka that you were chugging… and one I supposedly initiated first. Gee, I see a pattern here.
PEW: I told you I don’t count that one because we were both pretty drunk
LM: No… we absolutely were not drunk. YOU were wrecked. I absolutely was not drunk.
PEW: I WILL FUCKING DIVORCE YOU SO FAST YOUR HEAD WILL SPIN if you are trying to say that I deserved to be punched or choked by you EVER
—————–

No one deserves to be punched, choked, or otherwise physically assaulted, except when you are defending yourself against an attack. I’m sorry that what little happened between us happened (those that are rooted in reality), even if her recollection is a bit convenient for her victim status, except where she inexplicably types out the truth - she initiated physical assaults.

—————–
LM: But I know that you aren’t beyond making stuff up to convince yourself that you do no wrong, so I’m not surprised at this fabrication, either. Nope. But funny how you would justify physically attacking me while forbidding it in your mate.
PEW: you are such a impotent asshole. you probably are gay
LM: Good… this is nice… this will just be added to the pile of evidence of your meanness.
PEW: that’s probably why your such an angry man
LM: I’m not angry.
PEW: please
LM: I’m worried.
PEW: i’ve been very kind about that. you should be you should be
LM: I’m worried how about how long we can go on with your miserable mood swings. Your ultimatums. Your threats. Your name-calling.
PEW: we can’t go on
LM: Your physical violence. Your mental abuse.
PEW: my physical violence?
LM: Yep.
PEW: you’re the abusive one
LM: You did type that you assaulted me on at least two occasions, right? And admitted doing so first.
PEW: no…you assaulted me. and I defended myself
LM: You initiated physical contact on at least two occasions.
PEW: no…oh i see…is this one of those things you’re going to save
LM: Yes. Actually, I save them all. Every one of them. I’ve told you that before.
—————

Now she’s pissed because she “OOOOPS” remembers that I save them and realizes she’s just said stuff she probably didn’t want to say. Gear shift #3 - she’s leaving… again.

—————
PEW: i’m going to my mothers. and I’m taking S1. i’m not putting up with your fucking bullshit
LM: SO when people wonder how I can “be so mean” to dear, sweet, PEW - I can show them the “other side” of your personna. Don’t worry… we can go over it all with the counselor.
PEW: i am sweet and dear
LM: I know… when you’re not mean, spiteful, and vindictive.
PEW: people love me, which is more than you can say
LM: Like you coming on here just to start a fight again.
PEW: most people can’t stand you…you only have like one friend
LM: Like clockwork you are. Yes, and my evidence is you saying so, right?
PEW: no….i came on and saw the new listing
LM: Don’t you get tired of that?
PEW: i know what kind of bullshit i’m in for. you don’t work anyway
LM: Yes, I know… I’ve been doing so well and getting raises and bonuses because I don’t work. Right.
PEW: like DR knows?
LM: The only time I don’t work is when you come on to verbally berate me again.
PEW: you slide by doing the absolute minimum….just like you do at home
LM: Oh, yeah.
PEW: yeah…when do you do your stock portfolio at Yahoo when do you chat with Cam….your dad, etc…
LM: Funny, coming from you. who complains about having to actually keep the house clean. lol Cam doesn’t come on that often. My father doesn’t like to chat.
PEW: funny coming from you that’s not an insult considering the swill you lived in b4 you met me
LM: It isn’t about swill. It’s about you daring to allege that I do “the bare minimum” all the while complaining about having to keep the house neat.
PEW: when we sell this house…….i’m taking my half and getting the F— away from you you do have a screw loose
LM: I know… this isn’t the first time you’ve threatened that.
PEW: i always knew that. i don’t think it’s safe for S1 to be around you either
LM: Yeah, yeah.
PEW: you’re too unpredictable
LM: Oh, I sure am… lol… like coming on here out of the blue to start fights.
PEW: it’s not out of the blue
LM: Or telling me one day how much you love me, and then telling me how evil I am 24 hours later. That’s normal. Right?
PEW: i do love you….but you’re not normal…this is not normal
LM: How we can lay in bed and talk about such nice loving things last night… and then you are a completely different person today, right? That’s ME being “unpredictable.”
PEW: no…you embarrassed me in front of E….. then I want to lower the price on the house and you say, we’re leaving it…..then I say…I don’t want to move so far away from my family….. and you don’t care. you just keep pushing and pushing I don’t care if we love each other….we are never going to make it. never
LM: Yes… I embarrassed you by what??? sitting there, while you told an embarrassing story about my childhood, laughing at me hysterically… then… not stopping there, but reiterating more than once, “I CAN UNDERSTAND IF…!!!!’ and continuing laughing. I embarrassed you?!?! And you dare call ME “unpredictable.” I didn’t say “we were leaving” the price where it was.
—————–

Another example of her inability to keep her stories straight even within the same conversation. No recollection of my saying “whatever you want to do” in relation to the price of the house and a twisted recollection of my saying that it would be my preference to let the price ride a little longer.

—————–
PEW: I asked E. what she thought about the story…was I being mean…and she said no way.
she thought it was cute
LM: I said, “Do whatever you want.”
PEW: how come so many people who i’ve told the story to, think it’s cute and you can be angry about it
LM: The story wasn’t about E…. it was about ME. What E. thinks doesn’t matter. Two people aren’t sitting there laughing their frigging asses off at YOU, about something that you don’t even know if it’s true… and is greatly embarrassing.
—————

Aren’t these examples of her being “socially backwards” and embarrassing socially amongst friends? Watch the projection continue below.

—————
PEW: i’ll tell you why…….because you are impossible
LM: How come you think it is frigging funny to tell that story about me to people? How come you, who dare forbid me “not to tell you what you should feel” - tell me that I am wro
ng to feel greatly embarrassed — Not only by the story itself…
PEW: it’s not because it’s about you…it’s because it is about any little boy looking for something silky to rub
LM: …but the WAY you tell the story. And keep needling and needling and needling. Yeah… that’s so “cute” to YOU.
PEW: and finding his mom’s underwear and unknowingly taking them outside
LM: It isn’t about you.
PEW: well listen, next time your mother tells me a story i’ll tell her not to waste her breath
LM: But then the emphasis and repeating it several times… all the while laughing harder. Yeah. You are my wife. E. is a mere acquaintance.
PEW: which…if you and I divorce…don’t worry I won’t talk to anyone in your family…ever again
LM: Not that I like my mother sharing the stories with you…
PEW: E. is a friend of mine
LM: …but there is a HUGE frigging difference.
PEW: well, I don’t even want to hear your mother talk…ever
—————

Another shift and I, mindlessly, go right along with it. Now she’ll re-up the insulting of my family and I’ll go getting all defensive again.

—————
LM: Interesting to see you continuing to deteriorate the conversation. Now, you’ll be mean about my mother…typical of these discussions.
PEW: and I can remedy the situation by just telling her if she wants to tell her stupid, untrue stories…tell you first and you can tell me the ones that you think are true
LM: Then, you’ll vilify my dad, like you usually do. Then, if you are really in a mood… include my horrible brothers. I’ll wait.
PEW: well your parents have made it quite easy for me
LM: Here she goes…
PEW: i like your brothers. they are victims too. i never say anything mean about them despite what you’ve made up. they can’t stand you either which only verifies for me your absolute annoyingness
LM: See… you’re so predictable.
PEW: how so?
LM: Same story… different day.
PEW: it’s true. they say the same shit that annoys me about you…annoys them. so it must be true
LM: Yeah… right… and they share this with you, right? Yeah… sure.
PEW: yeah sometimes right in front of you
LM: Yeah… okay. More of your unjustified criticisms… all that which you accuse me of doing… are perfect descriptions of how you conduct yourself. You belittle… you criticize, you attack whenever you feel like… you complain, you’re unhappy, you’re angry. It’s downright scary. Then some other days… you’re as bright as the sunshine… beautiful, loving, wonderful… and then right back to the other… an ever-swinging pendulum of unpredictability.
PEW: well I don’t think it’s so scary that I ask you why you took exception to the story….. and I don’t think it is scary that I ask you to lower the price on the house
LM: What part of “I don’t like it because it is embarrassing, and I am not appreciative of the tone that you tell it with.” don’t you understand? What part of “Do whatever you want” on the house pricing, do you not understand
PEW: well here’s where I cease to be your suzy sunshine…… I am so tired of trying to socialize with you and feeling like I have to be someone other than myself, which is what you say I do to you. I think the problem is you don’t know how to act in social situations….that’s why you don’t have any friends
—————

Her last reply has nothing to do with the questions asked before it.

—————
LM: What in God’s name do you mean?
PEW: other than your hockey buddues
LM: I have plenty of friends.
PEW: you always have a problem with something I do when we are with friends or family, who are your friends
LM: I most certainly do not.
PEW: yes you do
LM: The only thing I take exception to is you telling stories about me and making fun of me.
PEW: your always annoyed with something I say
LM: That happened today. And it happened one other time at JD’s house.
PEW: no not one other time
LM: Now, it matters not to you that I don’t like it when you do these things. You make it out to me being a “sociopath” and other fancy terms you like to throw around without regard to their actual meaning. I’ve been out at many, many, many social events without problems… other than a few instances where you were watching over me like mother-hen, and took exception to some things that I have said. Fortunately, not about you. But I ask you to imagine… how would you feel if I decided to show you how I feel when you say some of the things you do about me… by doing same to you?
PEW: trust me…if today’s story was about me i’dv laughed
LM: Wrong.
PEW: i have a better sense of humor than you. i can laugh at myself
LM: Say I decided something you didn’t find funny… was funny to me?
PEW: yes…i can
LM: Say, in front of MY friends… I decided to make fun of your weight? Would you take exception to that?
PEW: i’d make fun of your weight back
LM: You know what? You are so full of shit it isn’t even funny.
PEW: no i’d be upset
LM: So then, when I express disappointment at some story you’ve told about me, do you find it so unbelieveable? To the point of permitting yourself to be angry at me for taking exception to that which you thought was just so hysterically funny about me?
PEW: I told a story about something you did when you were 2. get a grip
LM: I DON’T CARE! You just don’t get it.
PEW: I DON’T CARE EITHER
LM: I don’t like it. You owe me that respect.
PEW: LM….I won’t tell your mother’s stupid story anymore. because you’re a fucking freak
LM: Just like when I tell you 50,000 times not to discuss/make fun of my family…
PEW: i don’t owe you jack shit
LM: …yet you still can’t help yourself.
PEW: you owe me. I have put up with more shit from you than any woman ever would
—————

That’s right, LM! Most women don’t want a husband who doesn’t abuse drugs or alcohol, loves his children, is a homebody who doesn’t stray and is faithful, a nice big home, a new car every 3-years… and the list goes on! The horrible, horrible life I have managed to provide for our family! What a cad! What ever was I thinking? (Don’t answer that!)

—————
LM: Yes you do. When I tell you that I don’t appreciate that story being told outside of certain circles, if at all, you owe me that respect. Just as I would owe you the same about similar.
PEW: well I’ll continue to do what i’ve done for the past 6 years….I won’t socialize with you in the company of others unless it is absolutely necessary…. we never have people over….. we never have dinner out with friends…. I hardly ever want to take you to my parents…. and I rarely want to be with you in a social situation…. Gee…I wonder why that is….
LM: I ask people to come over often… but they are typically busy or change plans… be it Marc or my brothers. I’ve never stopped you fro
m inviting anyone over.
PEW: I know…I don’t want to invite people over. I hate socializing with you. I hate it
LM: It certainly isn’t because of anything I’ve done… that is just something else you fabricate when you get a weed up your ass.
PEW: you embarrass me
LM: I embarrass you how?
PEW: no it is because you are embarassing
LM: How? How have I embarrassed you in front of others?
PEW: well let’s see…there is the time we went on the cruise and you make the blow job jesture in front of 6 other people. that was classy
LM: I apologized to you about that.
PEW: I don’t care
LM: Additionally, because you “demanded” i apologize to others, I did. You were the only one offended, and people made fun of me for apologizing. I regretted offending you. So, tell me all of the other times?
—————

As with anything on this blog, you only have my say-so, but I ask that you please trust me when I say that I knew my audience, I made that gesture as a small close group of us were discussing something that happened at a show, and everyone, including PEW, laughed their asses off. It wasn’t until “the mood” came over her on the ride home that I even discovered that she was (allegedly) “offended.” Shame on me for apologizing to the others in the group - it was funny, they knew it, and they reacted in a way that indicated so. Further, they reiterated how funny it was when discussed later.

—————

PEW: then there was the time we were at the wedding for your cousin and I didn’t know anyone and you were watching the hockey game…and when I politely asked you to stop….you made a scene. and I wound up leaving out of embarrassment
LM: That was 6 years ago… and you made the scene first, at the dinner table.
PEW: I shouldve known then
LM: lol What a joke.
PEW: no…you rose your voice to me in front of a bunch of people I didn’t even know. so I left
LM: Wrong.
PEW: raised. right
LM: But I should’ve known that. Another complete fabrication. You went ballistic after I asked about a game, on a TV, which wasn’t even in my possession.
PEW: Then there was the time at L&J’s house when I was making jokes about your family and you embarrassed me then. GOD forbid
LM: And walked out, taking the car, and forcing me to walk home.
PEW: please!?!?!?!? you had 3 brothers there and your father. you couldn’t get a ride??? That speaks volumes
LM: It speaks volumes that my apologies for the “egregious” violation for asking about the hockey game, (which, ironically enough - THE FRIGGING PRIEST - was keeping people appraised of the score that night) weren’t enough to keep you from walking out on me… and I was too embarrassed to go back into a formal occasion and have to explain to people, including the bride and groom…
PEW: you were watching it play by play you liar. liar liar liar… please. spare me. you were wrong
LM: …that my date walked out on the festivities because a TV was getting passed around a table and I looked at it and I needed a ride home. Funny… I’ll bet if I showed the story to 100 people, 99 or more of them would say that you were the anti-social one, by handling it as poorly as you did. When the TV was handed back to JS… you couldn’t let it go. Just kept going on and on and on. And my apologies in the lobby and begging you to please not leave didn’t stop you from abandoning me there.
—————-

Another early red flag I ignored. At a relative’s wedding a number of years earlier, “the mood” struck and apparently my interest in a hockey playoff game during the reception led to her driving off and leaving me behind to beg for a ride home. I didn’t. I quietly left after a short while and, in my best wedding attire, hitch-hiked a ride home from the reception after walking quite a ways in the cold. It was actually kind of funny, the guy who picked me up told me that he figured he had nothing to fear from a hitchhiker dressed as well as I was at that time of night. Yeah, I know, the story is pathetic, but you have to admit - that part is funny.

—————-
PEW: well, the fact of the matter is….we don’t get together with friends because you are socially backwards….and by friends I mean my friends, M&J, P&M, D&F, L&J. why….because I fear you embarrassing me
LM: I can’t speak for L, but J asks me pretty regularly to come up, have some beers, and play some pingpong… but I can’t, because My “wifey” won’t let me.
PEW: excuse me?? I would love to get rid of you
LM: I’ve never been anything but cordial and friendly to all of your friends.
PEW: go. You lie
LM: Yeah, sure.
PEW: don’t sit here and say you don’t go because of me. Liar. I would love you to have a normal friend
LM: PEW… I have to beg to go to auctions… imagine what I feel like when asked to go have some beers and play games? In one breath… you say I don’t do enough… I don’t help enough… I do the “bare minimum” to get by…
PEW: I would rather you went to play games and have beers
LM: …and now you are claiming that I have “carte blanche” to go have fun with friends. And you dare call me a liar!
PEW: I go out with friends
LM: My God, the evidence doesn’t get any more contradictory than with each topic we cover. Because I don’t mind. You do.
PEW: the problem I have with the auctions is that stuff is generally overpriced…and you spend alot of time. you are a retard
LM: No more time than going out for beers and playing pingpong.
PEW: retard
—————

Retard? Really? My God what have I gotten myself into.

—————
LM: Ahhhh… here we go… when faced with the truth… resort to namecalling! Predictable… again.
PEW: so at least it’s contructive time if you spend time with a friend
LM: Justification and backpedaling.
PEW: yeah and if you were here you’d choke me and scream in my face
LM: Keep trying to get out the hole now that you’ve dug yourself in deep. Nope. Not any more.
PEW: i’m not in a hole. why do we stay married
LM: You can’t control your mouth… but I am controlling mine now.
PEW: why. i’m so tired of this
LM: Because your “Dr. Jeckyll” will go away, as usual, and hopefully we can continue to work at it.
PEW: you are the Dr. Jeckyll
LM: Oh, yeah… sure I am. You change stories and tactics in the same conversation.
PEW: you incited me by saying when we go to counseling friday you are going to clarify….the physical abuse…as if you are justified talk about setting me off
LM: I don’t do anything… but I’m free to go out with friends whenever I want. Nope. Clarified doesn’t equal justified.
PEW: I’m the only pregnant woman in the world who can’t be moody
LM: No, I didn’t say that either.
PEW: i’m not allowed because my husbands ego can’t handle it. you don’t have to say it
LM: Wrong-o
PEW: right-o
LM: Clarification means that she will be clear that you
are prone to physical abuse. And typically, you initiate it.
PEW: even when you are totally getting on my last nerve …I remain polite. I am not. BULL SHIT
LM: I saved what you typed.
PEW: bring it
LM: In two of the alleged “four” cases, you said that you kicked me first for yelling at you.
PEW: she already said that screaming in my face is a form of abuse
LM: She already said that your name calling is, too.
PEW: my reaction was normal
LM: So was mine.
PEW: bullshit
—————

Here we go again: DID NOT!!! DID TOO! DID NOT!!! DID TOO! DID! DIDN’T! Ridiculous.

—————
LM: No more bullshit that your justification for physical violence.
PEW: my dad never hit my mother never never never
LM: My Dad never held a gun on my mother or children. He never said the horrifying things that you’ve told me your dad has said to you and yours. What a joke that you can’t even just come out and say, “Yes. My Dad is an alcoholic and he was a vicious verbal abuser.”
PEW: my father never brutalized us
LM: He brutalized you mentally.
PEW: i’d rather have what we had than what you had
LM: Perhaps.
PEW: you weren’t there
LM: I only know what you’ve told me, and I’m sure even that was the tip of the iceberg.
PEW: bull
LM: Sure. Don’t talk like your family doesn’t have their share of demons.
PEW: you wish you could make my dad out to be like your dad…but my dad has an alcohol problem…what is your dad’s excuse…. he’s just plain sick
LM: And don’t dare compare the level of “awfulness” to one another either.
PEW: oh but I can. when my dad is sober, he’s a relatively nice guy and he’s not capable of violence unless he’s drunk
—————

Pause and re-read that again. “oh but I can. when my dad is sober, he’s a relatively nice guy and he’s not capable of violence unless he’s drunk.” Why the hell am I arguing with this?

—————
LM: Well, I’d rather take a beating than have a piss-the-pants drunk father continue a pattern of years of mental anguish on his wife and kids… when he was even home. He continues… to this day… to belittle his children to no end.
PEW: i’m very proud of my father…..don’t you dare try to make him out to be a bad person
LM: He can’t help himself… it’s almost a compulsion.
PEW: my father has spent his life wisely
LM: As I am of mine… so keep your mouth shut if you don’t want to hear the same meanness back.
PEW: you started it
LM: Oh no I didn’t.
PEW: don’t talk about my father. you don’t know what you’re talking about. yes you did
LM: No I didn’t.
PEW: my dad has helped more people in his life than you and your whole ancestry. I said…my dad never hit my mother
LM: Sure he has.
PEW: and that’s when you started about he gun thing. no he hasn’t. no matter how bad things ever were
LM: “Your parents have made it very easy for me”
PEW: he pushed PP once
LM: In response to you making fun of my family. That’s physical violence. You said that way up this conversation.
PEW: yeah i know, but he was drunk…and she was a freaking fresh mouth
LM: Justification. That’s what that sounds like. “Gee, I was drunk, I didn’t know what I was doing.” Sure.
PEW: she was 16 and he was drunk and she was mouthing off
LM: I don’t much care, PEW. Just don’t profess that your father’s meanness had any more or less negative impact on you and yours than mine had on ours.
PEW: well it’s alot different from what you’ve done
LM: I’m sure if your Mom or PP karate kicked him during one of his drunken rages, he’d have responded too, but that’s only speculation. Perhaps he kept everyone too scared to lash out like you do.
PEW: well the last thing I need in my life is a husband that can’t understand that having someone scream in my face triggers a self defense mechanism….
LM: I treat you with respect and dignity almost every day. I regret that I have lost my temper in the face of your repeated verbal barrages on occasion.
LM: Well, I’m tired of your excuse making. Very tired.
PEW: I have had a rough life and it hasn’t gotten easier since I’ve been with you
LM: I have plenty of evidence to prove that your mouth has the same impact on me.
PEW: in fact….i’ve been more unhappy married to you than I have in my entire life. why continue it
LM: Since the “incident” earlier this year, we’ve had several disagreements where you’ve managed to hold your tongue.
PEW: i have a new baby on the way….I should start a new life for myself
LM: And I’ve never yelled “in your face.”
PEW: without you
LM: So you see… self control works on both counts. Stop talking like you’re the only one with a legitimate gripe here.
PEW: you are full of shit where the name calling thing is concerned
LM: We both contribute to each other’s failure mechanisms.
PEW: i am the only one with a legitimate gripe
LM: No I’m not.
PEW: yes..you are
LM: And until you realize that you are absolutely NOT the “only one” with a legitimate gripe… nothing will be solved.
PEW: it is an excuse that you allow yourself
LM: No it isn’t. It is no more an excuse than my disagreeing with you results in your mouth-from-hell. Our recent disagreements only further prove my prior claims.
PEW: well let me tell you something
LM: I’ve never yelled at you without your first assaulting me with curses, insults, and name-calls. On me… my family or anyone else. You haven’t done that since the last incident, and there has been no yelling.
PEW: i have called you a few names
LM: I continue to work on my self-control issues. That has helped.
PEW: i called you asshole in a recent argument. which…by the way…you are
LM: But you definitely having gone “over the top” during our face-to-face confrontations, and you only do so here, because you feel “safe” to unleash your verbal assault.
PEW: i will go to my grave…knowing that you are a complete…and utter….ASSHOLE
LM: Nice talk. And that is called-for why?
PEW: because….it is the truth
LM: Oh, okay. Are we done, yet? I’d like to come home.
PEW: please don’t …why don’t you go play ping pong
LM: I wasn’t invited.
PEW: well if I had my way…you wouldn’t come home….
LM: Boy, you just can’t turn it off, can you?
PEW: but since we still own this house together….do what you must.
well now i’m in detest mode
LM: Just gotta keep motoring on with your viciousness. Keep it up!
PEW: or what…you’ll choke me
LM: Boy, you sure know how to help an ailing marriage! Nice. “Choke.”
PEW: there is no help. none
LM: Laughable.
PEW: there isn’t a frigging counselor in all the land that could help us
LM: Real funny.
PEW: i’m not laughing
LM: Not if you are unwilling to accept help, which you appear not to be.
PEW: i’m sick of you
LM: Sure… you feel like you’re not getting your way.
LM: That is always what starts the ball a-rollin’
PEW: my next husband will…like sex….never scream in my face….
LM: I love sex.
PEW: take my wants and needs into consideration occassionally….
LM: I’ll bet he screams in your face when you unleash your garbage-mouth.
PEW: i don’t think so
LM: I’d lay money on it.
PEW: don’t
LM: Nobody should have to endure the verbal abuse you can unload on a loved-one.
PEW: i definately went backwards on the husband scale when I married you
LM: Nice talk. That’s nice.
PEW: i should have married D. he treated me really nice
LM: Sorry.
PEW: we never fought once you killed the chance for that ever happening though when you threatened him. what the hell was I thinking. you know….i just wanted someone who would love me and that I could have children with….D said he didn’t want anymore kids….so when I broke up with him he took it back…he said we could have as many kids as I wanted……I should have ran back. everything else was great.
—————

Yeah? Well why the hell didn’t you?

As LM has indicated, being a stepparent can normally be nightmarish, add in a BPD and it’s hell on Earth. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and I don’t even believe that LM can understand what it’s like from my perspective. He has never had to deal with POE saying awful things about him, trying to ruin his relationship with my children, or the myriad of other crap the BPD piles on such as false child-abuse allegations. I know he has no idea how much it hurt to have a woman knock on my door and ask me if I had abused not only his kids, but my own. It’s just not possible to understand how one can feel unless you have had it happen to you. Of course, I can’t understand how he feels about a myriad of things, either. And so we have to balance our perspectives, it’s not often easy.

Dating someone with an ex isn’t easy either. I guess that goes whether someone was married or just in a long term relationship, as both will come with baggage. Having married young it wasn’t something I ever thought about.

The exchange you are about to read is several years old, it was our first summer with all the kids, the first summer in our new home, and the first summer PEW had a chance to ruin. And she did. The summer events of 2005 have had a lasting effect, which include the fact that I no longer plan vacations thinking the boys will even be involved. It’s unfortunate, but I’ve learned it’s a waste of money, time and frustration. As usual, the boys are the ones that lose out, and their mother simply doesn’t care. But, back to us. At the time we were going through the second custody evaluation and had an impending court date. My family was visiting, and LM was absent, although his body was hanging around.

07/08/2005 - LM

After being up nearly the entirety of the night, I was still unable to figure out how things spun so out of control. I’m really sorry that you felt I didn’t spend as much time with you guys as you wanted. My worries about what is happening with the forthcoming exchange of the boys, vacation, court, the call from *Attorney*, waiting on the report… yeah, I know it sounds like a bunch of excuses, but this past 7- to 10 days, I’ve been reeling. That said, I also am keenly aware that you are dealing with all of these issues at the same time. Toss that on my pile of worry.

Back to last night… forgive my having a problem with some of the things you said about me during various points of discussion with your Mom and Step-dad. Of course you can discuss “whatever I fucking want” with your parents. Forgive me if I would hope that you wouldn’t make fun of me or my way of thinking as a topic of discussion. You called me “idiot” at least once and something else I cannot recall at least once, and this - knowing how I feel about namecalling. I was never mad about the “packrat” thing.

Which brings me to my biggest concern… I tried like hell to try to get to a point where we could go to sleep without being angry and you turned it away outright. I still don’t know what I did or said that made you get so angry with me. When it culminated in your telling me that you didn’t care if I was on vacation with you, that was hurtful - “if you’re there you’re there, if you’re not, you’re not” is what you said. And here I am this morning wondering what in God’s name to do.

So I continue to troll through life apologizing for my feelings:

- I apologize that the only person I want to picture you with is me and despite my best efforts to share where I am coming from, you are mad at me for it.

- I apologize that my circumstances can sometimes overwhelm me and affect my moods and ability to interact so profoundly. I am scared to death, DW, I really am.

I want to know if you want me on vacation with you. Your comment last night means “no.” I need to know if you really feel that way. Right now I am so overwhelmed by everything that I feel like I’m going to have a nervous breakdown.

MY REPLY

Of course I want you on vacation, as always I want you there the whole time, with your children, with no problems. My issue last night was when you said that you have so much to worry about, yet my family was here and you weren’t worrying about spending time with us, when I was trying desparately to involve you for two days while staying involved with the situation with PEW. At that point I made a choice, I will worry about my family and let you worry about yours. So if it works out that you and the boys are there, GREAT, if not, I will still have a great time with my family. I can’t live with all of my vacations being ruined by the issues with PEW, I just can’t. I have planned everything with the boys specfically in mind, I don’t know how much else I can do LM, I just don’t. You’ve got to give me the same energy I give you LM, and I didn’t feel that the last two days, at all. All I wanted was a kiss last night and maybe the chance to make love.

I still don’t recall calling you an idiot, but I apologized for it anyway. And if I did do it I probably said it in jest about something you did, the same way you do to me as we BOTH know we are joking. I was also making fun of myself the whole night, like my driving, which you have done in front of your family as well, and it wasn’t an issue for me. We both know how much we care about each other. I understand that you have issues you bring to this relationship because of PEW, but I have NEVER in my life gotten my family against anyone I was in a relationship with, EVER. And I would never do that to you, we were just having a great conversation and of course I would talk about you.

As for: “So I continue to troll through life apologizing for my feelings”, wow. I know this comes from dealing with PEW, but please don’t act like you are the only one that apologizes (at least that’s how this comes across), not only do I apologize, I have tried to change the way I act around you. Your feelings are your feelings, and mine are mine, and we try to discuss them and meet in a middle ground. You’ve changed some things, and so have I.

I just don’t know what more I can do to help you through this situation with PEW. I honestly don’t. But there are some moments where you need to see that I’m practically begging you to forget her for five minutes and be here with ME. It’s selfish, but I need it sometimes. I felt like an ass around my own family last night, like I was a puppy following you around and you were ignoring me.

I love you LM, and I have never expressed the need for anyone other than you for the last 10 months. I’m still waiting for that kiss…

LM’s REPLY

I want to say again, as always - DW, I love you so much. I know the stress and burden that my situation presents to you, and yet you roll on - because of the kindness, concern, care, and love that you have for me and my children. Know that my feelings are equally as strong for you, SS1 and SD1. I am truly sorry for the feelings you have to endure when I get so “knocked for a loop” like the past few days - feeling like you’ve lost me to some other world of hurt. I wanted this vacation to be as perfect as we could make it and I allowed her latest antics to upset the apple cart far more than I should have. Please know that I am trying to make those moments few and far between. I don’t ever want you to fear that you are going to lose me to high anxiety or despair. I adore you and I can’t wait to come home and make up for the last few days.

You can see several classic fleas here, first the name-calling issue and then the apologizing. PEW is reknowned for her name-calling, and here’s LM taking something said in jest and remembering all the pain from the PEW. The apologizing thing we still haven’t worked out, lol. In most fights he will apologize for everything immediately and then add “because I know you won’t apologize.” And then, of course, I don’t want to apologize, duh! Whether that is leftover from PEW or something we have turned into our own, I won’t venture to guess here, but I know it started from “she who is never wrong and is always the victim.”

I can tell you that these issues always appeared before every court date and still do although in a much smaller way. LM was consumed, with what the judge will think, how things will turn out, what will happen “if.” It affects everything in our lives, and, of course, that was simply something I never thought of when we started dating. Sure, your ex is crazy, who cares, I’m not dating her! HA! Oh, I am, she is there for everything. Her kids relay things we’ve said, things we’ve done, she has spies reporting to her about things we’ve done or places we’ve gone, this is how she would get into LM’s head (or used to mostly) and destroy the precious moments we have alone, the special events we try to plan for the kids, and literally every plan we try to make for the future. We still occasionally ask ourselves, how will PEW react? What will the judge think? What happens if PEW decides to show up an hour late and we miss our flight? Do we need to take two cars in case the psycho screws us yet again? We can’t have a child together because they would hate their life. It gets tiring.

Worse, it affects how much I want to do for my step-children.