A Couple of Firsts

LM and I met through mutual friends, even though we lived several states away from each other. After PEW left him, he bought tickets to a concert about 8 months in the future, thinking he might be dating someone by then. Dealing with PEW was too much to have time to date and so he was about to forfeit the concert and stay home when he decided to ask some friends. I accepted and drove up to meet him for the first time. He warned me "If you see a blue minivan in the driveway, park around the block and call me." Kind of ominous, but not really disconcerting at the time.

The date was Aug 22nd 2004, and it went very well. We had our second date several weeks later. During this time we talked on the phone a lot but didn't really get into anything about his divorce and what I could expect. Of course, I don't think he even knew what to expect at that time. We did shortly thereafter.

At that time they were embroiled into a court battle over where the kids would go to school. PEW wanted them to go to Catholic school, even though just months before SHE had enrolled them in public school, in an effort to make LM have to sell the house. If she couldn't have the house, he certainly wasn't going to keep it. On Sept 1st they had the hearing, and she lost. LM called me to tell me the news and then he went to work, happy. Just a couple of hours later, I received a frantic call. LM: I just got a call from my ex-wife.... from INSIDE my house. I'm going over there to see what is going on.

Oh crap. PEW had broken into the house WITH THE KIDS PRESENT and decided if she "couldn't win in court I'm moving back in and making your life miserable." LM sent me the following e-mail that night to give me an update:

LM: I'll let you know later if I can... if not, perhaps sometime tomorrow.

She is taking the kids to bed and if she doesn't fall asleep in there, a confrontation will ensue. Trust me... I know how to keep a level head. AND... at the risk of going all drama queen on you, I dunno if I told you this bit of information, but you may know I am a gun owner. She stole my guns many months ago and we've been unable to resolve the issue of their return so that I can put them in my new safe. IF... by some strange chance, things go all fucked up and something awful happens... I want you to know that you gave me the most amazing night of my life that I've had for as long as I can remember (not counting the birth of my children). ;-)

I don't mean to alarm you or make you worry... but you know... sometimes things like this just don't turn out as you expect them to... and Lord knows... most people in situations that go real bad never get a chance to say things like that. So there... I said it. You can roll your eyes... or cover your heart... or SMILE... I just wanted to get that out there so you know that you made a day really special for someone and it meant a lot. My mother is mortified and my father is "worried." I don't know how to feel.

I didn't know how to feel either. Over the next three days she would make physical and verbal threats, including suicide. The cops were called at least twice that I remember, and it eventually ended in a restraining order against PEW. She moved out, after having lied that she had already broken her lease, and of course telling the kids they were getting back together and then breaking their hearts again. She fired her attorney on the premise that the attorney advised her to break in, lmfao. It's amazing the levels she will go to in order to not have to take responsibility for her actions. Even more amazing, is that if LM had done this, he would be in jail and would certainly not have custody of his children. This was our first introduction to how far mothers could go and still be considered the better parent.

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ALL ABOARD! Trainwreck Departing on Track 1995!

How did this all begin?

I was married once before, actually. Early marriage at 22-years of age to my high school sweetheart. We bought a single family home together. The marriage lasted about 3-years total before we divorced. The details are inconsequential, but substance abuse on her part was one of the primary factors that led to the demise of that relationship.

At 25, having been with one woman for effectively 8-years, one would think that I would explore my new found freedom. D'OH! Not me, I was too stupid to do that. Someone at my workplace paid me some attention - PEW. A little flirtatiousness in the Fall of 1994 led to some dating around Thanksgiving that turned into a relationship after the 1st of 1995.

PEW, before she ballooned up to nearly 280-pounds a few years after she had me in her clutches, was actually a fairly pretty 125-pound, redheaded, Irish lass with a temper and thirst for booze to match. She was a binge drinker. At 25, that's kind of fun. We would go out to happy hour or parties at co-workers places. I would keep myself under control. If I was doing that, she was going for broke! Slinging her ass over my shoulder when she would fall out of the car so drunk she couldn't walk was "cute" and "funny."

That was a red flag I ignored.

It was bizarre because I tend to study people. It wasn't long before I realized that there was a distinct personality change in her if she had 1-more drink than 3. If she had 3 drinks in an evening, she was pleasant and fun. If she had a fourth, it was like someone threw a switch. He face physically changed, became harder, and had a hard-to-describe mean look. Also, if she had 1-drop more than 3 drinks - she was having 10-drinks. She either had 3-drinks or 10-drinks. There was rarely an in-between... She would hit the drink accelerator and not stop until she drank herself retarded.

That was a red flag I ignored.

The entire first year of our relationship saw her move in with me into my residence (the first wife vacated a while earlier). It also saw her leave or threaten to leave nearly a dozen times after many vicious, foul-mouthed assaults that were OFF-THE-CHAIN! You'll enjoy many of the train's derailments which took place over the years.

That was a red-flag I ignored.

Along with that, late in the first year came the intense pressure for wanting to be engaged. She would badger me and badger me and badger me until I would get pissed. At the time, early in 1996, I actually had a plan - but when she didn't get it at New Year's - she'd explode. When she didn't get it at Valentine's Day - she'd explode. It reached such a crescendo that I finally yelled at her during one of her meltdowns, I ACTUALLY HAVE A PLAN TO ASK YOU TO MARRY ME, IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS, I'LL TELL YOU THE DATE AND TIME I INTEND TO ASK YOU, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO FUCKING ASK YOU UNTIL THEN! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!?!?

That stopped it for the time being. It was also another red flag I ignored. Yes, I accept full responsibility for the train trip I had embarked upon. I bought the ticket. I climbed on board. I had a tour that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. The trip still isn't over.

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Christmas 2006: Prelude to the Past - Part IV, Contempt of Court Preview

Our situation has been high-conflict since it's inception in January of 2004. PEW went through two attorneys before deciding she was, herself, an attorney. After firing her second attorney, she began representing herself. For someone engaged in such a war with a Borderline (BPD) this is not good news. Add abuse via the legal system to their arsenal. In the jurisdiction in where we live, it doesn't cost anything to file petitions or have hearings. If the BPD doesn't have an attorney to pay - the legal system becomes their personal playground.

At this point, I am beyond flat-broke. My attorney realizes this but I don't want to lose her. We shift strategies and I have been paying close attention to how things develop in court over the years. Together we decide that I will not let her go, but instead will keep her and we will decide on an issue-by-issue basis if it is something that I can handle on my own. If not, I'll pay her more retainer money. Otherwise, she will review the issues and, if she is convinced it's something I can handle, will offer me some guidance on how to handle things. She believes I have a slam-dunk case for contempt and trusts I can handle the case on my own. I can afford phone conferences and petition filings, it's just that hearings and conferences are costing between $1,000 and $2,000 per event and I just don't have that anymore.

As detailed in Part III, I had my attorney file a contempt of court petition against PEW. Judge Contempt (JC) is beyond fed up with seeing us in front of her. At this point, between conferences and hearings, we've been before her court in the neighborhood of 2-dozen times.

The issues:

- Custodial interference. She violated the court order regarding visitation/custody. The order clearly defines the schedule for the year. As the non-custodial parent, I have every Winter Break, which is typically the week of Christmas. The Christmas holiday itself is defined as 12/24 through 12/25. So, in alternating years that's what each of us get. During my years, I have the children the entire week. During her years, I would get the children on the 26th for the balance of the week.

- Childcare provision. PEW has always been very money-centered. Anything she can do to maximize her "take" - she'll do it. When calculating the child-support figure, they factor in an amount for childcare which is allocated proportionate to income. In past years, we would agree to a licensed care facility and the childcare portion of the support figure was factored in. Then, PEW would withdraw them from the agreed-upon childcare after the support order was entered and place them with a friend of family member, claiming to be paying them as much as we were paying the childcare center.

I don't think so. She did this in 2004. She did this in 2005. Effectively, she gets the child support figure set in stone and then pockets the difference between what we would be paying for the childcare center and what she was paying "friends and family" - substantially less, if anything at all.

In June of 2006, there was a support modification. In an effort to avoid litigation (and paying attorneys) I sacrificed more than $2,000 in credits that were due me (for her inflated childcare costs which I busted her on). My reasoning? I would have paid more than that to go to a hearing with my attorney to keep it. We agreed on the childcare center for the upcoming school year and the support was modified to include the new childcare arrangement.

In September, only one week into the school year, PEW withdrew S6 from "beforecare" and placed him with her neighbor, this time claiming to be paying more than we were paying for beforecare and how lucky "we" were for S6 to be with such a loving person and how convenient it was for her not to have to drive to the beforecare center. Oh bullshit, PEW.

This issue was bought up at the Custody Hearings in October of 2006 and reinforced by JC, but PEW walked out of the courtroom and simply did not return S6 to the agreed-upon childcare center.

Another recurring theme with the BPD:

- The BPD will never make a bonafide offer to settle anything. They live for the fight. They thrive on the engagement with their target.

- There is no offer you can make that a BPD will agree to. It will be the benchmark on which they will force you to give up more.

- There is no court order that the BPD will agree to. The BPD believes themselves a higher authority than anyone and no one can impose their will on them.

- If, by some strange shift in planetary alignment the BPD actually makes you an offer and you agree to its terms - she will "unagree" to it and/or withdraw it because you agreed to it. If you agree to their offer - you must have done something underhanded.

What do I want the court to do? I want the court to impose severe sanctions on her. At the very least I want reimbursement of legal fees preparing for the hearing. I want S6 re-enrolled in the agreed upon childcare facility. I want her to replace my Christmas week of 2006 with Christmas week of 2007 - the entire winter break.

I know it sounds crazy. It is. You will see countless examples of this as we continue to wreck the train.

To be continued... Part V

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PEW Harasses The Entire Family

After not getting more attention from LM, PEW unleashes her venom upon everyone in her contact list. Literally. As Christmas draws to a close we begin getting calls from family members saying that PEW called them crying about how we abandoned the kids on Christmas Eve. WHAT? We fucking drove 4 fucking hours to get the kids, 4 hours I could have been with MY kids, and that whore is crying victim again? We simply say: If you don't want her calling you, tell her so, she won't listen to us.

Little did I know until a week later, she also contacted me. PEW is really starting to unravel at this point and has begun stalking me online. I have written for numerous sites over the last 7 years and my name is pretty much everywhere. Along with my articles are bylines that include my writers e-mail, which I don't check very often as I use another address for family, friends and business. I don't check it until Jan 2nd, but here is what she wrote to me:

(12/26/2006)PEW
I think it's very sad that you KNEW he was going to do this and you didn't do anything to stop it..I have been under a Dr's care for 2 weeks.....fever, etc........also....for a future step-mother to no even get on the phone to say merry christmas....that's VERY telling........what are you thinking????? I'm sad DW....very sad.....I had much more faith in you than you obviously deserved.........it's always been that way...I can't figure out why an attractive woman like yourself...with obviously enough money to be independant would put up with someone like LM..........the only thing I can figure is that you don't think much of yourself......please think of S9 and S6 for a minute.....I know it's hard because their not your kids....but think about how they feel right now??? I have the flu...I have a Dr's note.......I don't know what else to give you guys....

Our Commentary: Oh no she didn't. She has the nerve to write me at an e-mail I NEVER gave her and tell me *I* should think of her children? Was she thinking of MY children when I spent 4 hours driving on Christmas Eve? I thought her kids were having a great time with her? I thought they were happy being there? Isn't that how they are feeling according to her? Flu my ass. First it was one day, then 3 days, and now we are up to sick for 2 weeks. Don't think JC won't notice these inconsistencies.

My response to her: (1/02/2007)DW
I will tell you this once, and once only. The next time you call my business, a personal phone number of mine, or e-mail a personal account of mine that is for anything other than the death or injury of one of your children, I will file harassment charges against you as well as a restraining order. Since my business is in M county, it will be infinitely easier than the last time you and your family decided to harass and threaten me. The same goes for your family, so you should refrain from your desire to send them this e-mail only to have them "come after me" much like a six year old would do.

You were not sick for 2 weeks, seeing as how on Christmas day you said it was only for 3 days which was a lie in and of itself, you and you alone chose to do this again to your children, as you even told LM that you told him a "month ago" you would not drive on Christmas Eve. What I KNEW LM would do, was what he was responsible for, driving to EP. LM and I took 4 hours out of our own Christmas Eve (away from MY children) to drive while you decided to play games yet again with your children's lives. I'm sorry you feel the need to do this.

I no longer talk to your children on the phone because you have scared them into not wanting to talk to me because it makes you feel bad about yourself, they wish to protect you. I will not put them in between us, they are welcome to love me and talk to me when they are in my home, until they are comfortable showing affection for me around you. Hopefully someday you will think about your actions in front of the children and how it affects them, until then, the boys will suffer. For instance, you didn't even look at your children, not to mention mine, when trying to start something in Wendy's when you finally decided to do the right thing and pick up your children on Sunday. It shouldn't surprise me, seeing as how you've done this numerous times during exchanges, and even at court while holding onto your children and trying to incite LM's Mother. It's sad that you have such little self control even in front of your own children. As you so often request of everyone else PEW, I hope someday you will get help for all of your issues and begin putting your children first, including doing your part in exchanges, diets, exercise, co-parenting and much needed therapy for the children.

I know this e-mail will do nothing for you to accept responsibility for yourself or your children, but know that I will no longer take over when you should be responsible. The boys will learn on their own who has cared for them by our actions.

Until then, do not call, e-mail, or visit me, or you will have charges filed against you.

Sincerely,
DW

(1/02/2007) PEW
I won't contact you again....because again, I thought maybe you could be more reasonalbe or rational than LM, but you're not, you're even worse than him. LM and I will settle all of the rest of this in court, hopefully by the end of January. Feel free to TRY to file a restraining order or harrassment charges though....I have news for you, I have not threatened you or harrassed you in any way. We both know that you are the one who is truly responsible for all the "game" playing.
Thanks for your help.

Our commentary: Little did I know this would be the beginning of her following me around, trying to find out how much money I made, trying to make the courts sanction child support against ME, lmfao. Ah yes, but it's all about money for us.

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Notable Crazy E-mail #4512

You have to love moments like this. We are sitting around, supposedly doing work, when an e-mail comes in from PEW. We figure she got copied on the teacher e-mail we just received regarding more issues with S9, so we can't wait to read her Motherly wisdom *insertrolleyes*. Instead, we are met with the funniest e-mail ever:

(12/04/2007) PEW
Just a heads up for you.....you are way way way too strict on our boys. This is not 1950 anymore...there IS TV, there ARE video games....."everything in moderation".....you need to loosen up before we have a couple rebels on our hands. I'm really starting to get annoyed with the whole situation.

Oh my God. Seriously? What she really thinks the boys need is MORE TV and Video games? You have got to be kidding me. Let me give you a clue lady. Your kid beats the shit out of other kids at school because he doesn't have a clue how to interact with other kids BECAUSE ALL HE DOES IS WATCH TV AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES. We have rebels on our hands because when a teacher asks you how to handle your son, you say you don't know and she should talk to the school counselor. You wouldn't know moderation unless it came with a drive through option coated in grease.

And what is she going to do if we don't let the boys veg out in front of the electronic babysitter? File more false abuse charges? Maybe she can add it to the fact that we "don't let them eat ice cream" that was dismissed on the last report.

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Christmas 2006: Prelude to the Present - Part III

Outside of the obvious disappointment in not having my children with me for Christmas 2006, we did have a wonderful time. I managed to maintain a happy face throughout the festivities and looked forward to my next scheduled custody weekend with my children.

I awoke on Christmas Day and at some point checked my email to find the following:

(12/25/2006, 3:32AM) PEW: You are unbeliveable.......I don't believe for one second that you didn't have this planned all along. The kid's are not upset with me....they know I've been sick for the past 3 days....they know I couldn't drive out there......you're a really disturbed individual....and a terrible terrible father. The fact is that you didn't want the kids....once again....you had the opportunity to spend "meaningful time" with them....but you just don't want it. It's very sad for them.......sad that you cancelled Christmas on them....and they don't even care.....they'd rather be with me....that's really really sad. You need to get to a psychiatrist....as soon as possible....I don't know what the treatment is for a sociopath....maybe some medication and some psychotherapy.......you need help LM....you're a sick person....and everyone knows it but you.

Our commentary: As my history unfolds on this blog, you will see the exasperating life I've lived and wonder why I stayed as long as I did. Obviously, I've made some mistakes in my life and to say this one was major would be an understatement of epic proportions.

I will draw your attention to the delusional rantings. Notice the revisionist history. I "planned" this all along. Again, her contention is that I had the foresight to anticipate her custodial interference with my magic powers or ESP and it is I who made her do what she did by some unseen force. Notice how, out of nowhere, she was suddenly sick. This is because she fears I will take action and now she needs to create an alibi, a justification for doing what she did, just in case I follow through.

The BPDs failure to accept responsibility for anything is another common characteristic. Obviously, they will go to any length to rewrite history to suit their stories. Worse than that - they believe their truths. The projection is textbook. Their self-importance is textbook. The viciousness with which the BPD will attempt to tear you down psychologically is limitless. There is no boundary that they will not violate.

I go back into low-contact mode.

(12/26/2006, 12:57PM) PEW: It would be very nice if you picked the boys up today. I've been very sick.....no fun for them. I'm going back to the Dr. today hopefully. I can have the Dr. call you to prove I was on anti-biotics last week. You really need to stop being spiteful to me and just do the right thing for them.

Only problem with that offer is that I have to work. I can't just cut and run at her whim, though that is her expectation. That is one of her many entitlements.

(12/28/2006, 12:27AM) PEW: would you like to meet tomorrow night in [Exchange Point]?? or as usual....you don't want the extra time with them?? I bet you're trying to figure out how you can get out of having them all summer too?? this should be good!! God forbid you actually be a father to S9 and S6 instead of [DW's children]. That's it right....you and DW didn't want all four at the same time....too much for the "parents of the year"?? unbelievable LM!!!

Again, she sounds exactly like a 6-year old. Oddly, she hurls a barrage of insults at me while expecting me to again, drop everything and run to take the children off of her hands, so I treat her like one...

(12/28/2006, 12:53PM) LM: If you ask nicely and without all of the disgraceful, disgusting viciousness, I'll be more than willing to answer your email.

(12/28/2006, 2:34PM) PEW: do you want to meet tonight or what?

(12/28/2006, 2:36PM) LM: I think since you destroyed yet another holiday for the boys and me, we should meet at the gas station on [road close to my home]. I already drove to [Exchange Point] once. What do you think about meeting there? ~LM

(12/28/2006, 3:36PM) PEW: I didn't do anything.....
#1 I was VERY sick...not a little sick, I offered to give you a Dr's note. That's all I can do.

#2 I offered to let you pick them up on Saturday...a day early. You were busy.

#3 What were you doing on Christmas Eve anyway that you couldn't get them earlier than 5pm that could possibly be more important than spending Christmas with your children?

#4 All the times you made me drive an additional 3 hours, just to satisfy your desire for vindiction...and you are insensed that I wasn't going to drive on Christmas Eve.

Do you want to get your kids tonight or not? In [Exchange Point]?

(12/28/2006, 3:46PM) PEW: I'm going back to court....in [A Different] County. I'm not putting up with this abuse for another 13 years.....I'm just not. If you don't let me know by noon....I'm not going to drive at all...not even tomorrow......I still have a fever.....I am allowed to be sick and I can prove I'm sick.....psycho.

I agree to meet and pick up the boys at 8PM that evening and we have Christmas on December 29th and make it through the weekend. After returning them to her on New Year's Day, I make plans to file a petition against her for Contempt of Court.

- For custodial inteference for failing to meet me at the required exchange point so that I could enjoy my Christmas holiday and winter break with my children.

- Failing to follow the court order and have the children enrolled in a licensed or otherwise certified childcare facility as agreed in a prior order.

To be continued... Part IV

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Borderline Personality Disorder

We have no intention of avoiding any issues on this blog as they relate to our situation. The first of many is mental illness. We take this very seriously because it has so adversely affected so many lives in our situation.

We strongly believe PEW has Borderline Personality Disorder. She has not been formally diagnosed because she refuses to seek professional help. Of course, I'm sure that those who readily acknowledge that there may be a problem as significant as BPD and desire to seek assistance are few and far between. PEW and LM did have psychiatric testing during one of the custody evaluations and the results confirmed a personality disorder for her, but the therapist refused to diagnose her. Of course there is a lot more to that whole evaluation that we will cover in detail later and it will shock you to your core (unless you're a heartless bastard).

Borderline Personality Disorder will hereafter be referred to as BPD. There are nine traits or symptoms (a minimum of five of which need to be met in order to make a formal diagnosis):

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

Most of these traits you will see in our Christmas 2007 posts, which became forever tied to Christmas 2006 due to the antics of PEW, not to mention the hundreds of posts waiting in the wings. BPD is serious and most experts believe it is caused by early childhood trauma. If you have been around a BPD person you will begin to sense when this trauma occurred because it becomes apparent that they literally stopped developing emotionally at that point in their life. Our BPD stopped developing at about age 6, and it often feels like you are dealing with a 6 year old when talking to her. At 6, most children don't think about how their actions affect others around them or even how they affect their own future. This is very apparent with PEW.

Unfortunately, it takes many years of intensive therapy to help BPD's. Due to the nature of the disorder, they are often unwilling to admit that their problems are due to their own actions and therefore they believe everyone else needs the therapy, not them.

We have listed resources where you can get help if you are truly dealing with someone that has a mental disorder. Talking with others who are in your situation is often helpful, and really the only way we have been able to make it through the last four years. Additionally, you will need to dig deep and find a way to laugh. Despite the seriousness of our stories, there are times when somehow managing to find some shred of humor in certain things helped buoy us as well.

Click here to see a very important and informative video regarding borderline personality disorder!

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Christmas 2006: Prelude to the Present - Part II

Our commentary: Surprisingly, PP the bipolar alcoholic, using PEW's email account from PEW's home decides to step in to defend little sister, exhibiting the same characteristics (BPD is often co-morbid with bipolar disorder). The following is little more than the characteristic insult barrage, peppered with more distorted realities, that are a part of the entire family's regular recurring antics. I don't reply to that nutcase. She is allegedly a paralegal at a family law firm. In her mind, that makes her a top-flight attorney.

(12/23/2006, 1:46AM) PP:

LM, It's PP. I showed the court order to the family law attorneys at the firm I work at and they said that the judge was not clear in regards to exchanges for holidays. You and PEW can both have any interpretation that you want but I can assure you that if you go back to court for "clarification"-since YOU were the one to move out of state and continually lied to the judge, over and over again, it will go against you. PEW will NOT be at the [Exchange Point] on Sunday and you can show up at her door with the police if you want but there is nothing in the court order saying the police can do anything to her in any way.

If you want to be mad at anyone, be mad at your lawyer for not having the sense to ask the judge to spell it out PEW's not keeping you from the boys, she just isn't driving on a "holiday"-she is perfectly fine with driving her next scheduled turn. You can try to jam your OPINION down her throat like it's law, as usual, but it still doesn't make it TRUE.

If I recall, several weeks ago she went out of her way to drive to be nice, when it wasn't her turn, and this is how you repay her, as usual. If these matters go back to court, we will bring up how you were non-compliant several weeks ago and made the boys drive HOURS longer than they had to just to spite PEW when you were in [Paternal Grandmom's] state. THAT IS crystal clear in the court order.

Also, your insistence in moving S6 from a loving, caregiver-again, just to mess with PEW, when it's CLEARLY in S6's best interests to stay with [neighbor], will go against you badly-and just wind up costing you more money. We'll also bring up how S9 works himself into a state of such anxiety when he's going to your home for the weekend that we don't know what to do for him. 48hrs of being weighed, measured and harassed continually about his weight sure sounds like a good time for an 8year old. Maybe if you'd just shut up about it, it would work itself out.

I know you feel like you had some kind of victory in court but the judge gave you the absolute MINIMUM she had to in every way. If your lawyer is telling you that you have any grounds on any of the above situations, I suggest that she doesn't know what she's talking about and she just wants to continue to bleed you financially even though you have a losing case.

Stop harassing my sister because we are not going to deal with your crap for the next 13yrs until S6 reaches 18. If you thought [PEW's Attorney] made a fool of you and DW in court the last time, trust me, we will get somebody even tougher for the next round if you INSIST on continuing the nit-picking and harassment of my sister in this manner. This is the reason you two divorced, remember?

You are a disgrace as a father or you never would have moved to [Home] state in the first place. All of your bull**** is your attempts to salve your own conscience about that decision. Let the boys get on with their lives, would you? In the least traumatic way possible at this point? You NEVER put the boys interests/feelings/concerns first-just what YOU think is best for them.

Truly, I'm starting to think you are severely unbalanced based on the continual hounding of PEW via phone calls, emails, name-calling etc. I mean, I always thought you were unbalanced but I think you are so bitter over the divorce you have pushed yourself over the edge trying to make PEW PAY for leaving you and taking your SONS. Pull yourself together, LM. There is nothing more pathetic than a desperate man grasping at straws. It's really very, very sad. I better not hear that DW is harassing my sister ever again or she'll be in court for defamation of character, harassment etc. You're right, we're done communicating about this. If you really want to see your sons for this visit, you better let PEW know when you'll be HERE to pick them up.

Merry Christmas. PP

Our commentary: (From DW) - PP's letter is a complete sham. The amount of projection, another favorite amongst BPD's, is astounding. You can pretty much read the letter back to yourself and interchange everything she says we have done and know that they are the ones that committed the act. For instance, weighing S9 and telling him he's going to weigh 300 lbs. and be a diabetic.

It's often frustrating because you want to set them straight, but doing so only gives them the attention they are looking for, and so unfortunately we have to let things go. What is incredibly funny though, is that this year during the court hearings which we will touch on later, PP gets called out by the judge and PEW admits that she is a liar and has no idea what she is saying. I'm thinking of wrapping the transcript and putting it under PP's tree ;)

(From LM) - I was really anxious about the prospect of not having my children for my first Holiday season since 2003. We had plans already set to host a neighborhood open house that very night Christmas Eve. Children were invited and we were looking forward to an amazing night of festivities.

We realized that she probably wasn't bluffing, but that we needed to go out to the exchange point anyway. If nothing else, I was resigned to the reality that if she didn't show up, I would file contempt-of-court charges for custodial interference (among other court ordered items she was violating) and I needed to have evidence that I was there.

We were at the exchange point at 5PM. We waited 30-minutes because 5:30PM was our "drop-dead" time to head back in time to host our neighborhood company. I was not going to drive the additional 2-hours time, adding 4-hours to our trip, and blow the commitments we had made. Mind you, I had been burned several times with failures to meet in the past, driven the full ride just to have the time with my children, and I had to draw the line somewhere. I decided that Christmas holiday would have more impact on the judge than any other regular weekend in terms of showing PEW's unmitigated contempt for the court. I went home very sad, but did my best to make the best of my holiday with DW and her two children.

To be continued... Part III

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Christmas 2006: Prelude to the Present - Part I

Living with a BPD and co-parenting with one can be quite a nightmare, but only from the inside. From the outside it may look like the non-BPD spouse or parent is just not being forgiving enough, or not being flexible.

What you will realize through reading this story is that this simply is not the case. The fact is, BPD's only think one step ahead while the rest of the world looks at situations and not only assesses the short term consequences, but future ones as well. So, we are starting this story by going back a year to the holiday season of 2006, so you can see how PEW's actions are affecting all of us, during the 2007 holiday season.

Brief background: This time last year we had every other weekend and summer custody as we lived 4-hours away from PEW. We also had all school breaks and it was our year to have the kids for Christmas and Winter Break (the entire week). We were supposed to have them from December 24th-31st.

On November 20, 2006, there came the first email:

PEW: Can we discuss Christmas and how we're going to do this? I don't want the kids to be traveling on Christmas Eve, so let's arrange to exchange on the 23rd ok? Also, do you want to decide on gifts and split the cost....and then just send some stuff home??? I don't think Santa has to visit both houses do you??? We could shop on line or something and just split it???don't you think that would be better? Also, then when would they be returning home? I'm confused about that whole Christmas week deal?

Our commentary: (LM) - This spells trouble. BPD's have short attention spans and selective memory issues. Our's is the worst. She also has a bad habit of not reading or following the court order. Notice in this case, she doesn't even want to open gifts with the children at her home. Historically, anytime PEW is "confused" about the schedule, the order, some agreement - it's what they call in poker a "tell." In the BPD's case, the "tell" is a red flag that problems are at our doorstep.

There are a couple of subsequent emails, short ones, where she acknowledges that I have the children from December 24th through December 31st. Things start to unravel on December 21st, 2006. By court order, every other exchange during the school year, she is supposed to meet me at the pre-determined half-way point between our homes. 2-hour drive for each of us. The alternating exchanges, I have to do the full round trip, 4-hours there, 4-hours back. This I do every Friday and Sunday for 2 years. This particular pick-up and return were the next schedule "exchange point" transfers.

(12/21/2006, 12:17PM) PEW: Hey, so you're picking the boys up on Christmas Eve? any specific time in mind as of right now? and then keeping them till New Years eve? Let me know. Thanks, PEW.

LM: I can be there by 5PM, same thing the following Sunday.

(12/21/2006, 10:08PM) PEW: I don't think we are supposed to meet......the next regular exchange we would meet. It's a holiday L.......read it again....I doubt I'm supposed to be driving for 4-hours on Christmas Eve....I have a life too. You can always leave them here if it's too much trouble for you.

LM: It's every other exchange. See you in [Exchange Point] on Sunday at 5. ~LM

(12/22/2006, 11:43AM) PEW: I won't be there, holidays do not count. I'll meet you next time........I AM NOT DRIVING THIS TIME!!! I offered to let you pick them up a day early....but apparently you have something more important to do. In fact I already told you a month ago that I wasn't driving on Christmas Eve....we had this discussion. I'm not meeting you in [Exchange Point].

(12/22/2006, 11:52AM) PEW: Like I said....I know you really don't want them for the week, so why don't you just leave them home if it's too much trouble for you? Plus we both know you're such a cheap-ass, they probably each will have 3 gifts under your tree.....2 of which came from a yard sale. Spare me...this was probably your plan all along....so that you didn't have to take them and actually spend money on them. I know you so well it's not even funny!! you can pick them up here anytime between sat and sun.

Our commentary: Interesting to note here - the warped sense of reality - she says that this was "probably your plan all along so that you didn't have to take them and spend money on them." She truly believes that I planned in advance for her to suddenly not show up at the required exchange point so that I could have the first Christmas Holiday with my children since 2003. How bizarre and twisted a mind does one need to have to create that reality? I planned her decision to withhold my custody time with my children.

(12/22/2006, 2:36PM) LM: You will follow the court order as it is written. If you are not in [Exchange Point] at 5PM on Sunday, I will be at your door with the court order in hand ask the police the police to cite you for custodial interference. If that's what you want the boys to see, then don't show up as you're required. Every other exchange you are required to meet in [Exchange Point] during the school year. It's very clear. How long do you think you're going to get away with disobeying JC? ~LM

(12/22/2006, 2:41PM) PEW: go ahead do it. you're going to look like an ASS....I'll meet you next time PER THE COURT ORDER. I'm not meeting you on Christmas Eve.....that would be so like you to