Borderline Personality Disorder

We have no intention of avoiding any issues on this blog as they relate to our situation. The first of many is mental illness. We take this very seriously because it has so adversely affected so many lives in our situation.

We strongly believe PEW has Borderline Personality Disorder. She has not been formally diagnosed because she refuses to seek professional help. Of course, I'm sure that those who readily acknowledge that there may be a problem as significant as BPD and desire to seek assistance are few and far between. PEW and LM did have psychiatric testing during one of the custody evaluations and the results confirmed a personality disorder for her, but the therapist refused to diagnose her. Of course there is a lot more to that whole evaluation that we will cover in detail later and it will shock you to your core (unless you're a heartless bastard).

Borderline Personality Disorder will hereafter be referred to as BPD. There are nine traits or symptoms (a minimum of five of which need to be met in order to make a formal diagnosis):

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

Most of these traits you will see in our Christmas 2007 posts, which became forever tied to Christmas 2006 due to the antics of PEW, not to mention the hundreds of posts waiting in the wings. BPD is serious and most experts believe it is caused by early childhood trauma. If you have been around a BPD person you will begin to sense when this trauma occurred because it becomes apparent that they literally stopped developing emotionally at that point in their life. Our BPD stopped developing at about age 6, and it often feels like you are dealing with a 6 year old when talking to her. At 6, most children don't think about how their actions affect others around them or even how they affect their own future. This is very apparent with PEW.

Unfortunately, it takes many years of intensive therapy to help BPD's. Due to the nature of the disorder, they are often unwilling to admit that their problems are due to their own actions and therefore they believe everyone else needs the therapy, not them.

We have listed resources where you can get help if you are truly dealing with someone that has a mental disorder. Talking with others who are in your situation is often helpful, and really the only way we have been able to make it through the last four years. Additionally, you will need to dig deep and find a way to laugh. Despite the seriousness of our stories, there are times when somehow managing to find some shred of humor in certain things helped buoy us as well.

Click here to see a very important and informative video regarding borderline personality disorder!

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