The Psycho Ex Wife

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In Part 2 of the 2005 Christmas and Thanksgiving mess, things started to spiral out of control.  In today’s segment, the fallout will see a “double-reverse” and, as usual, we’ll make due with what we managed to obtain.

PEW,

I’m not “bargaining” with you, either. This is a simple matter of finding out if I can follow through with already arranged Thanksgiving plans without you using the children as pawns to prevent me from picking up S2.

Since you still cannot do that, I say again, I am left with no choice. I will no longer continue to knuckle-under under your threats. Sorry if that “breaks S1’s heart” - but I will explain to him that unfortunately, you and I were not able to work out the schedule.

Since I cannot plan for Thanksgiving holiday time nor Christmas week time, I will simply follow through on my usual weekend time because that’s the way you want it. That’s what’s really sad - your desire to be a ‘hard-ass’ again is what is ultimately breaking S1’s heart.

~LM

Of course I will continue to avoid bad-mouthing PEW to the children at all costs. It’s not good for them and it’s not good for me. Anytime any truths need to be shared, they should be shared carefully and in an age-appropriate way - a word of advice all normal parents should follow, even in situations such as these.

LM,

Why can’t you just come up here, stay and take him to the party? Or you leave them both here for the weekend and keep your Thanksgiving plans the way they were?? This is insane.

~PEW

Well, she got one thing right. It was certainly insane. One thing she never got through her thick head is her belief that I could just impose on other friends or family members to house me and the children whenever I asked. These are people with lives, children of their own (some very new additions), and plans of their own that weren’t going to be simply dropped whenever I wanted them to host me and the children for several days.

PEW,

1) Because I can’t afford a hotel room for the weekend.

2) Because you won’t keep a story straight on either my Thanksgiving weekend plans or what I have in mind for Christmas (either the morning of the 26th thru the 3rd or the morning of the 26th thru the 30th).

If you can commit to making sure I can keep my plans for Thanksgiving and let me spend Christmas week with them, I won’t risk losing any time with them.

It’s only “insane” because you’ve said “no” to both Thanksgiving and Christmas. And since I can’t count on you not to “revoke” your agreements once plans are set, I’d just as soon keep the schedule the way it is.

If something should change on the “housing front” for the forthcoming weekend, I would do it. If it doesn’t, I can’t. But you need to stop this “yes” and then “no” BS so that we can BOTH plan accordingly.

~LM

I couldn’t make it anymore clear. I also couldn’t understand that it wasn’t possible to make it clear because clarity isn’t a PEW strong suit. It’s always all about the engagement and nothing more.

In her next follow-up, she’d write, “You mean to tell me you can’t stay with…” …and she made a list of family and friends that I should be able to stay with, over the holidays, simply because I asked. Maybe this is also part of the borderline’s lofty sense of entitlement. Perhaps in her mind, no one else’s family plans during the holidays should take a back seat to her expectations of them.

LM,

If you would just leave them home this weekend, you could still keep your plans for Thanksgiving, that would mean an even trade in time. Christmas we should definately be able to get a court date before then, so lets wait on
that.

~PEW

It’s not about an “even trade” when someone is on the short side of custody agreements. Aside from the fact that this is my first Thanksgiving with the children since the entire mess started, I’m perfectly fine with “NO” if she would just frigging say it. I’ll take the upcoming scheduled weekend. I’ll take my Thanksgiving, and I’ll be perfectly fine with that. I’d rather enjoy having a weekend that involves just one-on-one with one of the boys. It would make for a nice change of pace and S1 would get to go to his party. Everyone wins. However, since that isn’t what PEW wants, everyone loses, well… except her in her mind.

PEW,

I’m not looking for an “even trade in time” and I am not going to go back-and-forth with you over this issue. The bottom line is this, you started this chain of events (again) because I still wanted to pick up S2.

So… we’ll go with the regularly scheduled weekend. I will explain to S1 tonight that time with Dad is more important than a friend’s birthday party. There will be other birthday parties.

This all could have been avoided if you would simply have not caused problems because I wanted to spend the weekend with S2. I was flexible, you started problems.

I will end the problems regarding the weekend. I will be up to pick up the boys Friday night and return them Sunday. I would like to have the boys for the days off they have for school (at Thanksgiving) and return them Saturday around lunch. If you wish to prevent that from occurring, just let me know and I will change my plans accordingly.

~LM

Do you readers realize that what started on October 28th and has now carried forward to November 14th, 2005? Yep. Insane.

LM,

If you’re not going to trade weekends, then I will keep them for my weekend. I have off on black friday and will enjoy spending the day off for a change with them. I did not start the “chain of events”, an invitation came in the mail. S1 REALLY wanted to go. It’s a simple matter, made complicated again….by you. Whatever your plans were for Thanksgiving will have to be changed, they are my children too and I am entitled to “down time” with them too.

~PEW

Too funny. She will enjoy spending a day off with them “for a change.” We knew this all along. Also, I’ll have you know that she didn’t actually do anything special with them that weekend. She almost never does when she says she is going to do something “special” or make “special time” with them. Notice the “not my fault” positioning and her choosing a different issue as the root of the problem. A reminder, I said it was okay for S1 to go to the party. She just got pissed that I would have the nerve to want to pick up S2 for the weekend anyway.

All remains quiet until November 17th, when I get this “double-reverse…”

LM,

Since you told the kids they were going down the shore the day after Thanksgiving and they were looking forward to seeing [your mother], keep your Thanksgiving plans. I’m not going to deprive them of their bi-annual visit with their grandmother.

As for Christmas, my boss just told me that I have off a few days during Christmas week. I’m sure we can arrange to split the week fairly, but I plan on enjoying some time off with them during that week.

~PEW

Too funny! Not only does she go all “double-reverse” on me, she takes a swing at my mother with another factually inaccurate comment. Of course, by this time, my mother had made different plans for Thanksgiving, so we weren’t go to her home for a visit. She made other plans to go to one of my sibling’s homes.

PEW,

I don’t know what email you’re talking about. Last I heard, you revoked the extra time after Thanksgiving due to my wanting to pick up S2 while letting S1 go to the party. I told my mother that we were not going to have the boys and we would not be coming down the shore.

I will make an effort to make other arrangements if you’re now reversing your reversal, but chances are that I would have to drop them off Thanksgiving night and pick them up again Friday sometime, perhaps do some visiting during the day and return them in the evening.

Please let me know right away. This is kind of last minute and I will have to make some phone calls this evening.

~LM

Another foolish mistake on my part, but I would learn eventually to wise-up. This invited more caustic text.

LM,

Well that’s odd since you get all my other emails? Remember when S1 started crying because you told him he wasn’t going down the shore? So I said, “oh no, you can still go down the shore” while you were on the phone and then he said to you, Mommy said we can still go. Then I followed up the phone call with an email because they wanted to see your mother. This is such crap. Listen, if they aren’t going down the shore to see your mother then you might as well leave them here because that is what they were upset about…they wanted to see [her]. You’re unbelieveable. You know what, tell your mom to call me, I’ll bring them down the [her home] to see her on friday.

~PEW

Of course! The triple-reverse! Now, it’s my fault that my mother had made other plans. She made her position clear - there would be no schedule change. I plan and others plan accordingly. Then days later she goes double-reverse and says she’ll do it - out of the blue. When I inform her that everyone has made other plans, she goes triple-reverse and takes it away again. Children = weapons.

As if my mother would want to see her crazy ass.

PEW,

What’s “crap” is that you’ve, yet again, flip-flopped and played games with plans that have already been made. Now that you’ve gotten what you wanted, and set out to purposely upset plans for whatever twisted reason you consistently do this, you tell me I’m the one causing problems? Typical.

It’s amazing how none of this would be in an issue if you simply let me pick up S2 for a nice one-on-one weekend AND let S1 go to his party, as I originally agreed. Instead, you did your usual reversal on agreed-upon plans for Thanksgiving and to top it off, are now blaming me with a reversal of your reversal.

Now, plans have changed. My mother is coming up for Thanksgiving and instead of going back [home], is staying up at [brother's]. So, I will try to make arrangements to find a place to stay over (if I can) Thanksgiving night, and we can pick them up and do some more visiting on Friday. Or, you can say “no” (make a decision immediately) and I won’t bother, in accordance, again, with your ever-changing whims.

Please advise,
LM

Why, oh, why?

LM,

Please. If you weren’t planning on staying up here then don’t. They wanted to go down [to your mom's], that is why I immediately emailed you. Either way they’ll be dissappointed, you can blame me if you want, I don’t care. I’ll think of something fun for them to do.

~PEW

Yep - the real story doesn’t fit into her “diabolical plans” - so she fabricates something that falls conveniently into place for her. Immediately emailed me? It was November 17th! The planning attempts started on October 28th. Immediately? Really?

So, it’s November 21st and I put together some plans and email her on the 22nd - this is the week before Thanksgiving…

PEW,

Arrangements have been made to stay over Thursday night. We’ll drop the boys off at bedtime on Thursday night. So, we’ll plan to pick up the boys around lunchtime on Friday and do some visiting or something.

My work trip [is] moved to the end of next week instead of the beginning and I won’t be getting back until late Friday night. So we’ll either have to make swap arrangements or I’ll try for a daytrip on Saturday the 3rd to spend time with [the boys].

~LM

I crossed my fingers.

LM,

That actually works out pretty good because my brother just had another baby and the christening is on the 4th. So you would have them the following two weekends and then back to normal schedule right?

S2 is very sick. He has an infection. The Dr. called in walking bronchitis, but I think it’s basically walking Pneumonia but he was afraid to scare me or something. I left you a message about tomorrow, I missed work yesterday and today, if I don’t go in tomorrow, I’ll lose a while weeks pay. It would really be helpful if you either re-imbursed me for dentist or called your insurance company to expedite payment…..to me preferably.

~PEW

If you think everything has been settled for the holiday season, you would be mistaken and this illness would be a catalyst for us almost not being able to attend the family Thanksgiving dinner. We’ll try and wrap Thanksgiving and Christmas up with Part 4. If you want an eerily similar story in the meantime, go read: Munchausen Syndrome Light or Hypochondriasis Light? You’ll think they’re the same story. They’re not.