The Psycho Ex Wife

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As most readers know, I’m trying to close the gap between the history and the current events.  The last post I had for 2005 was offering the 2005 Journal post, dropping some of the events of that time in place so that I could get to the discussion of the difficult time and difficult decisions I made given the circumstances at the time.  You can read the history by clicking on the year labels on the right hand side of the blog if you want to review the overall chronology of events.  All of 2005 can be found, for instance, by clicking on: 2005 Label.

Faced with depleted resources, a grossly unfavorable custody evaluation, threats of an increase in child support, the sale of the marital home with no meaningful options for a place to live (due to limited funds)… I was under tremendous pressure from every side to get my life situation in order.

Late in January 2005, I received a call from a guy with whom I had previous interaction on a project at the job I then had.  He was a project manager for something my company was working on several years earlier.

This is where my story becomes completely implausible for pretty much everyone.  Friends, family, the judge, PEW - everyone.  This, I understand completely.  Still, it is the truth.

This contact, we’ll call him “Larry,” was the Vice President of the company that I would soon join, leaving my job of 11-years at the time.  Larry was leaving the company and they were in the midst of a project that I happened to be an “expert” in and he was wondering if I would consider applying to replace him.  While I wouldn’t be brought in as a VP, there was future opportunity for me to grow into that position over time, perhaps rather quickly.  I was intrigued and conflicted.  I would be coming in and taking a lot of his responsibility - primarily for this project which was critical to retaining business in the market that made up 100% of their business.  A huge opportunity.

What’s so implausible about that?

1. The timing.
2. The money.
3. The fact that this business was located 5-minutes from where DW lived.

Obviously, all tied together and given the proximity to DW, this breaks the implausibility meter into a million pieces.  However, it’s the truth.

I had a great deal of success at the company I was working for at the time.  I always wanted to ascend to a VP position, but was stuck where I was.  Still, I was well-liked, well-respected, and counted on to get some tough things done for improving the company.  The pay was very good, but given what I was facing on the personal front and the difficult finding appropriate living arrangements that would work with the 11-days/month I had with the children (and living under threats of seeing that reduced further by PEW who was wielding the custody evaluator’s recommendations like an iron-mace) - I would look into the opportunity.

The new prospect offered me a “working interview.”  This was something I had never experienced before.  Essentially, they were going to pay me to work on-site for 3-days (very good money).  I would get to evaluate the company and they, in turn, would get to evaluate me.  So, I took 3 vacation days to do this.  It wouldn’t cost me much more than gas money because I could stay at DW’s place during this interview.  It would occur in early February of 2005.

The company was relatively new and profitable.  A division of a very large, German-owned company with a lot of resources.  They had just expanded the facility, doubling its size.  They appeared to have great, knowledgable employees, a solid senior management staff, and tremendous financial and technical backing from the parent company.

During negotiations, I did almost everything I could to make them not hire me.  I asked for $5,000 more than they initially offered me.  I asked them to give me health insurance immediately rather than waiting the 90-day probationary period.  I asked them for a specific amount in a raise which I required would be payable no later than 6-months if I met the objectives that we had discussed in that time-frame.  I asked them for 4-weeks vacation immediately instead of nothing for the first year.  I explained to them in too much detail my personal situation and the forthcoming known court dates for which I would have to leave work (2 or 3 at the time) and asked that it be put in writing that these absences would not be used against me during the review of my “probationary period.”  (One of those dates would be a mere 8 days after the date they wanted me to start.)  They had to agree to let me leave work at 4PM on Fridays every other week in order for me to exercise my parenting time, which would allow me to arrive at a reasonable hour to get the children.  Long-story shortened… they agreed to everything demand except they offered me 3-weeks vacation immediately instead of 4.  They wanted me to start immediately.

Before accepting the position, DW and I had lengthy discussions about what this would mean.  This potential advancement in our relationship was about to happen WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY faster than either of us anticipated.  Details on this were inconsequential, if I was going to take this position, I would be moving in with her.

My primary motivation for moving ahead and making such a significant change which would mean losing approximately 5-days per month with the boys - was financial.   I had a done a rather exhaustive financial analysis and there was just no way for me to come even close to making ends meet staying in custody-state with a $1,200+ child support figure staring me in the face.  At the height of the real estate boom, rent prices were out of control, too… and my minimal living options meant I would be losing those days with the kids anyway.  In the custody-state, even the unaffordable options I had available to me were 45-minutes or more away from where the kids were going to school… so 4-hours or 45-minutes had the same impact on my custody situation.  The only reason I had the 11-days I was afforded is because we lived about 10-minutes from one another, me in the marital home which PEW wouldn’t allow me to retain, and her in her new apartment.  However, splitting living expenses with DW in a locality that had a significantly lower standard of living meant I could meet the financial obligations that were about to be imposed on me in the form of child support, still be able to try and save money for their future and mine, and also grow my relationship with DW, who fully supported whichever decision I would ultimately make.

I felt up against the wall.  In less than three weeks I was to make settlement on the marital home and I had no place to live and the prospects in custody state weren’t very good.  I was going to be relegated to every-other-weekend dad (and hopefully some extra time in the summers, holidays, etc) regardless of where I lived and worked.

I accepted the position, telling the new company that I could start on March 1st, 2005 (about 3-weeks from the interview process) because I had loose ends to tie up and to get whatever crap I had left after trashing and downsizing the marital home moved down to DW’s place.   I couldn’t turn down the money and the possibility of accelerated advancement to a VP position - this opportunity meant that I could actually make ends-meet, avoid the punitive punishments associated with not being able to make the steep child support payments facing me, and then DW and I would figure out how to manage our lives and respective custody arrangements over several states and with one completely crazy psycho ex-wife.

Next update for 2005, when I get around to it, is the fallout from disclosing to PEW what was taking place.