
JC writes, “Do they ever understand boundaries?”
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A recent letter from a reader…
Mister-M,
My husband just called me and directed me to check out your website…..thank you for the validation!!!!!! I’ve been saying for two long years that his ex is borderline pd, based on the bizarre interactions that have occurred, parental alienation, accusations far from the truth even when the documents state the facts, last minute disruptive changes, pressing toxic lies into the children’s brains it goes on and on.
In our case, she was escalating several days ago and I told my husband that it was going to get worse. Sure enough it did, she arrived at our home unannounced and uninvited (she has been clearly told she is not welcome here ever) with the children in her backseat, stomped over that boundary (do BPD’s ever understand boundaries?). The culmination of it all was me finally (stupidly and tragically) stepping out of the house with the phone in hand telling her to get in her car (she was going at my husband) and go away as the children were upset and she needed to leave immediately….words were exchanged (I know better than to engage, stupid me) she ended up hitting me in the face and when I dialed 911 she took the phone from my hand and threw it across the front lawn…thank goodness my son had the presence of mind from inside the house to get his cell phone and dial 911…..once she knew the police were coming she spewed more [obscenities] got in her car and drove away quite quickly.
The issue that sits heavily now is what to do in regards to the children (4 and 5) who witnessed an ugly situation. In my experience, if one backs down to any sort of personality disorder they will keep pushing the limits. I am truly vacillating over pressing the assault charges, the case sits opened at our local police station and I need to make a decision over setting a wall in the sand (forget the line in the sand we need a wall) and dealing with the fall out. This is a woman who has in the past lied to child protective services with false charges (case dismissed, caseworker irritated that her time got wasted on something so bizarrely untrue), has made false reports to the friend of the court, has lied in federal court (it’s documented and online) and ultimately will stop at nothing to get her way.
Split parenting is not working, she of course has a great job and looks like a model citizen which seems to be the norm for people with BPD, we have worked diligently to provide a healthy consistent environment for when the kids are here, though unfortunately are unsure on how to deal with precedent set in regards to parenting time and are wondering how to get a psych-eval ordered for her (though as we all know BPD goes undetected quite often, they’re sly folks). So here we sit waiting to see what lies she will report to which agency.
People don’t understand the disorder until they have lived through the hell of dealing with someone who acts in bizarre ways, gets away with terrorizing anyone who will not comply or provide “supply” and still manages to look “normal” on the surface until the mask slips and those people then move out of the picture quickly.
I’ll be studying your website to maintain some levity amidst all the chaos and am hoping we will find out better ways to shelter ourselves and find the best way to keep those young children as healthy as possible…..
Once again, thank you for putting your stories out there they are a definite asset to the rest of the population that deal with a similar situation.
Peace and Harmony to you and yours,
JC
My suggestions to her were as follows…
Dear JC,
I implore you to follow-thru on the assault charges and DO NOT relent. It’s no guarantee of a future change in custody, but her penchant for violence IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN - SHOULD weigh huge in a custody hearing.
Me… I’d be filing the assault charges and seeing it through to a conviction, and I be be filing for a permanent change in custody and requesting sole legal and physical custody of the children as a result of her escalating behavior.
Sincerely,
Mister-M
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